New Social Security Paln Allows Workers to Put Portion of Earnings on...

[Tweed]

Favorite Team"

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4048&n=1

WASHINGTON, DC—President Bush signed an ambitious Social Security plan into law Monday that will allow citizens to bet a third of their payroll taxes on their favorite sports teams.

"It's time we gave the American people the chance to make some real money for retirement," Bush said, speaking from the new Office of Social Security and Pari-mutuel Wagering Building. "Some naysayers think the average citizen doesn't know how to handle his own money. When spring training starts next year, it's up to you to prove them wrong."

"It's your money," Bush added. "You earned it. You should be able to bet it on whatever team you want."

Under the new plan, participating citizens will be asked to list their favorite teams on their W-2 forms. At the start of each major sports season, program participants will visit their local Social Security booking offices to review point spreads and sample playoff trees. Citizens' team selections will be subject to approval by their employers, who contribute a percentage of wages to the employee Social Security Earned Benefits Fund, or "pot," under the new system."



THIS IS SATIRE, but only to a point!

[customerserviceguy]

1. Can I put mine in the NBA?

I want an aggressive financial strategy!

[Worst Username Ever]

2. Yeah, the onion, LBN?

[Moderator]

3. No, the Onion isn't an LBN-approved source for news

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