‘Football’ duty keeps military aides on edge

[NNN0LHI]

http://www.columbiatribune.com/2005/May/20050508News015.asp

WASHINGTON (AP) - They are always there, at President George W. Bush’s side or nearby, hiding in plain sight.

At any given time, five people hold the title of White House military aide, a not particularly revealing description of the men and women who take turns carrying "the football," the leather briefcase stocked with the classified nuclear war plan. snip

Specifics of the football’s contents are classified. It is known to contain a handbook detailing options for unleashing U.S. nuclear weapons - "everything from firing a tactical nuclear weapon, one of them, to full-born Armageddon," Patterson said.

The plans were so complex that Jimmy Carter, the only president to really study them closely, ordered that a simplified summary be included, said Bruce Blair, president of the private Center for Defense Information and a former Minuteman launch officer. Blair said one source described the summary to him as "virtually a cartoon version."

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[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. Nothing gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling

like knowing George Wanker Bush has access to the nuclear launch codes. Or, as he might say, nukular. Jeezus.

[Nostradammit]

6. That it's in a cartoon version is the scary part -

He's sure to understand that manual.

[Wapsie B]

2. Someone please keep the football away from dumbo.

This is one scary thought having a nut like the chimp within 100 miles of that thing. But then again I suffer from a firm grasp of the obvious.

[AndyTiedye]

4. Does ** Have the REAL Football?

Or do they give that to Cheney?

Something, perhaps the course of events during 9/11, suggests the latter.

[BringEmOn]

3. I'd bet the "real" football is in Dick Cheney's control

in his undisclosed location.

[daleo]

5. Football handed off to Bush at the 5 yard line

Now he's at the 10, the 15, the 20...Oh my God, he's going the wrong way!