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I was in a catholic school for"troubled girls" because my home was abusive.This place had some state funding.I am not christian at all,I see Bast and Sekhmet as my Godesses and I do drumming trancework and things like that.It dosen't hurt anyone. The place I was staying,because it was catholic they thought it was ok that they pressured me,they called me a heathen(something my abusive father did) and they took away my altar pieces,forbade me to set up my altar in my own room.(none of the other girls with non-pagan artwork were forced to remove it from thier rooms).If I was caught calling on my Godess I got restricted and because it wasen't "conventional" religion it was convienently declared part of my psychological problem. I was forbidden to wear my pentagram it was confiscated yet crosses were everywhere.Because they provided psych services alongside religion they were into behavior modification too.Sometimes they would force girls into a cement cell with a drain in the floor,no windows except a door slit,and a mat on the floor, and no light for"detention".
Sometimes you'd go in there in the morning and come out well past dark. Nobody cared,the state didn't,the church was oblivious despite thier love the sinner claptrap. I got in there a few times for standing up against a nun who took delight in calling me evil, and not being exactly polite about it because my paitence had worn too thin as she refused to have a dialog and preferred to condemn me anbd bully me.I got in there for 2 days for refusing to get a tooth filled without novacaine and fighting the dentist and the assistants everytime they got that drill in my mouth since I had no numbness to stop the pain and it HURT.They tried to strap me to the chair in leather restraintsI bit thier hands..I asked for novacaine and they said they don't use it.(I don't know why they didn't use novacaine) I was put in the cement room for fighting,Nevermind it hurts to get a tooth drilled without novacaine.They didn't care about what I felt they were upset that I fought against them.
I have a trauma history,and the trauma I faced in institutions rivals what I faced at home. I have had to deal with alot of really stupid crap,cocercion and pressure from all sorts of "well meaning" religious folk and'doctors' trying to change me and my beliefs for THIER own good.Institutions will do awful shit to people that are deemed mentally ill,poor, retarded or declared somehow a part of the class of lesser citizens(kids are lesser citizens too).People of this less than human class go through stuff that most adult 'citizens' would be outraged over yet we because we got a label slapped upon us must tolerate this'treatment'. I have had all of my rights stripped away.I have lived in a fascist regime run by authoritarians with goodguy badges and crackerbox degrees in witchdoctory an institution within the state,sanctioned by the state.
It became obvious to me people given authority in these places didn't like who I am so they wanted to remake my sense of self into an image THEY preferred because they felt entitled to do it and our culture excused it and funded it,and for them this made it OK.They were morally defecient in my opinion..School serves a simoilar function.
To get help I paid by having my basic human rights taken away, they invaded my body,messed with my mind. They did more harm than good.ButI never submitted to them and sold myself out and ultimately that is what they wanted me to do.. Institutions and the authoritarians who run them do use any tool they can get away with and that includes abuse to break people down into what they want them to be.
Sometimes people use euphamisms like "shaping" corrections,'treeatment'or behavior modification,to make what they do look palitable.It's all to make someone change into into someone else,willing or not.This is not OK. This scars people deeply,it's cocercion,it's wrong.People can change themselves but they do it by thier own volition in thier own time because thier reality demonstrates the need for change.A trusted person can help point problems out as long as they aren't carrying a dual agenda with thier'kindness'..If a change in personality,habits or beliefs isn't done by a person's own volition it's either a lie or it's the fear and results of trauma forcing them to behave the way the authoritarian demands they do. Carrot and sticks,hell and heaven,us or them don't help anyone grow up. Churches and individuals in churches have a history of this abuse of humanity as do mental institutions,prisons and governments.They have no moral highground.It's all about doing what the authoritarians want,eugenics,obedience,making human beings into weapons and workers for authoritarians, hoarding wealth and colonialism.
The concept we call Normal or"mainstream"is nothing but a lie,rooted in a weird form of socio- psychological eugenics. How many people out there sometime in thier life struggle with religious issues that torment them,doubts,uncomfortable questions, and life experinces that defy what they were told and were supposed to belive.How many people bounce from church to church,belief to belief,politics to politics searching to find out how they really feel? How many people go through various kinds of emotional hells and self deceptions trying to figure out what they themselves really feel about god,society, self image,and whatever issues.Spending time sorting out parental programs and societal cocercions from thier own choices and motives? Sometimes isn't easy to undo what we are taught.Especially when we are scared to.
How many people go through this searching for selfhood process when they're growing up,from being a child and having a set of beliefs forced upon them by well meaning parents intent on 'shaping' thier kids for thier own good because it is assumed it's a parent's right to cocerce and teach thier kids to believe as they do and fit in with thier sick world.Why because a parent fears hell should thier kids be taught to fear it too. Why? Why can't people be who they are(even if it's freaky or controversial) when they are not hurting people? Why can't just being who you are be a human right?
How many parents feel justified because of thier beliefs, to wound a kid's heart because a kid loses faith in the paren'ts religion on his own,announces they're gay? Is this kind of psychological domination and emotional blackmail good for anyone? Some kids face worse than that at the hands of authoritarians they depend on for food and shelter. Some adults face bullying,threats,humiliation and exploitation just to keep a job to put food on the table.Don't try to tell me this doesen't add to people's reactions,hostility and stress.Is this way of cocercive relating to one another a recipie for a sane culture or for disaster? With the way our societies behave it looks like this game isn't working in fact it might kill us all.
When you are living in an institution,out of force or from nessecity..The process of learning how to to lie about who you really are, lie about what you believe and lie how you feel about yourself and society by playing normal is what stops the abuse from authoritarians. If you do it long enough you may forget who you were before playing the game took over in a bad situation.Sometimes the game persists long after the situation has passed.
Our society is another kind of institution as is church and job.Being forced to lie about yourself for your freedom from abuse or cocercion or deprivation is evil,yet in our society it is practiced everywhere, it's so common,so "normal" in the way we relate,to one another and our kids it is not seen as abnormal or sick .Why is that? Whom does it hurt so bad that other people don't want to share in the"free gift",or buy a product,believe a conspirasy,dress like you want,or think as you think? Is it so horrible that people are different and see the world through thier own eyes and disagree, say no and refuse and resist?
When did it become ok in your own heart for authoritarian individuals to use authoritarian cultures to cocerce individuals or other cultures, to the point of depriving non-conforming people of shelter,food,love,safe treatment and withold or threaten to withold the means of survival itself in a land of plenty to bribe them to shut up,conform,obey,work, buy or believe as you or your society does and live as they live? Couldn't society be sick because so many individuals are sick,especially authoritarian individuals intent on"shaping" society for thier own good?
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