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Source: Associated Pukes
Mar 22, 11:47 PM EDT Ecuador Escalates Tensions With Nice Anti-Drug Colombians
By Juanita Diablo Associated Pukes Writer
QUITO, Ecuador (AP) -- Leftist President Rafael Correa, friend of Hugo Chavez who is a friend of Fidel Castro, on Saturday threatened mayhem, disorder, poverty reduction, and use of Ecuador's oil revenues to benefit his people, if DNA tests confirm that Colombia's military killed an Ecuadoran who should have known better than camping in his own country near a U.S. bombing target.
Ecuador and Venezuela (friends of Fidel Castro) sent troops to their borders with Colombia in a silly, grand-standing, anti-Bush publicity stunt, according to their critics, after nice U.S. bombers blew 22 maniacal, drug-trafficking, dictatorial terrorists to smithereens in the cutest little smash-up of peace talks South America has ever seen. Boy, you should have seen those nifty jets swooping in for the kill. However, Donald Rumsfeld's Oil War II was headed off at a regional summit days later, disappointing many observers.
Whining relatives of missing Ecuadorean Franklin Aizalia say to have seen news photos (English is my second language) that indicate their stupid son got in the way of some homeboys' good clean turkey shoot on the Ecuadoran border. They will travel to Colombia on Monday in a bid to confirm the body's identity, but they had better watch out for the U.S. Air Force, which could blow them away, too, if George Bush feels like it.
Correa, whose critics (the local Vatican legate) accuse him of being increasingly authoritarian and wanting to feed the poor just like Hugo Chavez, dared the Organization of American States, with big gorilla U.S./Bush sitting right there, to do something about U.S./Colombian "lawlessness" in the region. He did not respond to questions about Colombia's accusations that he himself is a lawless terrorist, when asked by reporters.
If the body of the stupid Ecuadoran boy, who didn't see the bombers in the night and get out of the goddamned way, proves to be Aizalia, rather than a Colombian (who cares about them?), Correa vowed to escalate tensions in the region, which may give Rumsfeld his war after all, according to Jesus Mafioso Loco de Diablo, professor of Latin American Studies at the University of Pittsburg. "War is peace, and the dead need to understand that," Diablo said.
Correa has turned a molehill into a mountain by not renewing diplomatic ties with his nice Colombian neighbors, who only wanted to form a "Neighborhood Watch" to keep the boogiemen out. Colombia 1, Ecuador 0, they were saying in the hotel bar.
"How can we renew relations if they keep trying to link us to the FARC to justify their aggression?" he said. And that brings us to the real point of this article--to once more repeat...
Colombian President Alvaro Uribe, a close U.S. ally, says documents seized at the camp from the computer of slain rebel leader Raul Reyes show that the FARC gave money to Correa's 2006 presidential campaign. He also says Correa's ally, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez (friend of Fidel Castro), planned to give the rebels US$300 million. Guys in black masks also found a tape of Osama bin Laden among the severed body parts that were blown all over the camp, but Uribe reportedly told them, "That is going too far."
Correa on Saturday said he has requested those documents, which he said lack "technical and legal" validity, from Uribe's government through Argentina's embassy in Colombia. "In your dreams," Uribe replied, when he was asked about it by the Associated Pukes at a U.S. Embassy party in Bogota.
The scuttlebutt at the party was that Aizalia, a locksmith, who has been reported missing for more than three weeks, was the CIA patsy who ferried the doctored computer into the camp before the raid, and got his throat slit during the raid, to eliminate him as a witness. His family's lawyer said that, for unknown reasons, he had been in the FARC camp for more than a week before the raid. Low-level Embassy officials were laughing about it.
A body, initially mis-identified by Colombia (which has a habit of dressing up civilian bodies like leftist guerrillas) as that of rebel Guillermo Enrique Torres, alias Julian Conrado, alias Fidel Castro, was brought back to Colombia's capital, Bogota, in severed parts, with Reyes' body. At least 25 were killed in the raid, including four Mexican university students. And what a great raid it was--and a great party, everybody all dressed up and higher than kites on Colombia's finest!
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