Johnny Carson Esquire Interview – The Man Who Retired (2002)

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There are nights, he will tell you, that he finds himself back where he was, back where we had him, before we could not have him anymore. "I still, believe it or not, have dreams in which I am late for The Tonight Show," he will say. "It's a performer's nightmare, apparently. I've checked with other people, and it occurs to them frequently. And it's frightening. Because I'm not prepared. It's show time and I'm going on-and I've got nothing to say! Jesus! I wake up in a sweat. It's now been ten years since I've been done with the job. But I will be back there-it was two-thirds of my adult life, remember-and people at the show will be as real and fresh and current as ever in the dream, and all of a sudden, I'm having to go on and I'm not prepared. You revisit the whole thing. You think you're on the air. And you're not ready. You hit the wall."

(snip)

On that night, mist rolled over him and snuffling ensued. This was the night Bette Midler serenaded him twice, once at the desk with special lyrics to "You Made Me Love You," once from the stage at the very end, heartrendingly so, with Sinatra's saloon signature, "One More For the Road" (". . . Well, that's how it goes / and, John, I know you're getting anxious to close . . ."). But then, somewhere in between, they softly fell into a quavering little impromptu duet of his favorite song, "Here's That Rainy Day"-and no dry eye beheld the spectacle. (Johnny, suddenly freed of self-consciousness, was singing-leading, really-a wistful torch-lullaby to himself!) Robin Williams, who sat beside Midler on the panel, recalls the frisson of it all: "When she leaned in, you could see him well up. I was three feet away, thinking, Uh-oh, the King is about to go! You felt the whole place get a group goosebump. It was the most intimate big moment you will ever see." As credits rolled afterward, what wasn't seen at home was a curtain call-the host and his two final guests joined hands and took a stage bow for the exhilarated studio occupants whose roar could be heard under the fade-out music. Says Midler, still overcome: "We all just about passed out. It was so electric and gorgeous; I couldn't watch it for years. I wanted to remember it the way I remembered it."

Carson, in case you wondered, has since watched the tape more than once-he reviews every Tonight Show video marketed to the public-and, each time, feels the same emotions rear up. Mention Bette Midler to him even now and his countenance glows: "Well, she is remarkable." Of the spontaneous combustion attendant, he has said, "You couldn't re-create it, ever." Privately, he considers it the most magical hour of his televised life. Indeed, the truth is, he wanted to end his career that very night and forego the ultimate farewell show. In aftermath, his brain trust of producers, all nearly as spent as he was, descended to his dressing room and half-jokingly declared, "We can't come back tomorrow and follow that!" He fixed them with a look that meant business and said, "You're right. Let's not come back at all. Let's just not even come back."

more…
http://www.johnnycarson.com/carson/dear_johnny/press/060502.jsp

[Elidor]

1. Whew! That was quite a read. Thanks

Sounds like a real sweet guy.