1st Annual Tomdispatch Political Comedy Awards

[Imperialism Inc.]

Nominees for the 1st Annual Tomdispatch Political Comedy Awards
http://www.tomdispatch.com/index.mhtml?pid=2207
...The position of Director of National Intelligence (DNI), insisted upon by the 9/11 Commission, was finally filled...
The Bush administration was evidently desperate before it hit on what was clearly a brilliant scheme: Just look for someone who had a post already so nightmarish, hopeless, and targeted for failure that DNI would look like a dream. With that job description in hand, of course, who better fit the bill than the viceroy in… er, ambassador to Baghdad, John Negroponte. Though Negroponte declared DNI "the most challenging assignment I have undertaken in more than 40 years of government service," it's hard to believe it wasn't a matter of anything-that-gets-me-home. (Undoubtedly a feeling a lot of National Guard and Reserve troops have right now.)

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Best humorous explanation of 2005 (in the Best Comic Use of Language category -- domestic)

In response to a question from a woman in an audience in Tampa, Florida on February 4, our President offered the following explanation of his social security plan:

"Q: How is the new plan going to fix problem? "THE PRESIDENT: Because the -- all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those -- changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be -- or closer delivered to what has been promised.

"Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled .... There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those -- if that growth is affected, it will help on the red.

"Okay, better? I'll keep working on it.(Laughter.)",

We're all laughing, these being comedy-award nominations. Perhaps the clarity of this explanation also explains the following polling results, as reported by Tim McCahill of the Associated Press: "A poll for the Concord Monitor published last weekend showed 55 percent support for allowing workers to invest a portion of their Social Security taxes in stocks and bonds, as Bush proposes. But support dropped to 19 percent when those in favor were asked if they would back the plan if it meant losing benefits when the stock market dropped."

So apparently the majority of people supporting the President's plan were of the impression they are going to get some kind of guarantee when investing in the stock market?? I want some of those stocks too!! The ones where if the value drops you still at least get back as much as you put in but when it goes up you get to keep the profit!!

Best humorous flashcards of 2005 (in the Best Comic Use of Language category -- foreign)
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Last November, the Marines issued a newly updated Iraq Culture Smart Card, but an earlier version, from February 2004 (pdf file), is more reliable for viewing purposes as well as indicative of the thrust of the American effort in that country. In addition to its simple cartoons of "insurgent tactics" (e.g. hiding a stick of dynamite under a dead goat), the Smart Card has a number of panels devoted to essential language skills. While its unclear exactly how the card is meant to be folded, it appears that the first language panel a Marine would read (devoted to "Command and Control") contains not translations for "hello" or "thank you," but far more useful greetings like "hands up," "no talking," "do not resist," "lie on your stomach," and "do not move." Only many panels later do we get to "hello" along with other "Helpful Words/Phrases." Actually, another word shares the same line with "hello" -- "weapon," of course. With sixteen full pages, the mix-and-match possibilities ("Lie on your stomach. Hello!") are plentiful.

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