Sex and the Disgruntled Teen (An editorial about abstinence programs)

[siliconefreak]

Sex And The Disgruntled Teen - More proof that *not* having sex is sad and dangerous -- even in Texas. What is wrong with us?

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

Abstinence is a gnarled wart on the big toe of hot wet life. This much we know.

Or, rather, more specifically, those silly little abstinence programs wrought by the neocon Right and jammed uncomfortably into America's increasingly crumbling and confused public schools and all of which aim to force-feed teens bogus evidence that sex is deadly and icky and fraught and poisonous and should be avoided completely if not somehow surgically eradicated, and if you really must indulge in things prurient and sticky then please go home and whip out your Bible and be sure to avoid your dad's Hustler or the shower massager you little demonic heathen slut. Such programs are bogus and false and misleading and harmful and stupid and wrong. In a nutshell.

More: http://sfgate.com/columnists/morford/

[coloradodem2005]

1. Should we all go out and do it then?

[Jamastiene]

3. If you have a willing partner

and be sure to practice safe sex, then hell yes. You will be better off for it. You do NOT want to end up like me. Trust me on that one.

[coloradodem2005]

4. I'm 25 and still a virgin.

[Jamastiene]

5. You have already missed out

then. I finally lost mine finally (apart from the rape) when I was 28, but I was so fucked up about it that the other person said I was emotionally retarded because of it. That's how it damages you.

[coloradodem2005]

6. The problem I have is....

...I have had some real problems with women since I was about 11. I had anxiety about them and then some really mean girls picked on me. Had problems in middle school and high school with women. Later in High School, I started going to church where they were saying that one should remain celebate and did this through early college. By 2000, the damage had been done. Have had problems with women in college and here I am. I cannot really say what led me here.

But, why should not having sex lead to really bad ends? What important milestones do you miss? How does it permanently damage you?

[Jamastiene]

7. Emotional growth

Until you have experienced sex, you don't really experience a truly close relationship with a person. In other words, you kind of become wild. At least that is my take on it. I am definitely sure others would see it differently. What happens in time is that your self esteem begins to wear down. The harder you try the harder it gets to talk to women. Next thing you know you can't even open your mouth around a woman if you like her. It retards your social skills in ways that cannot be recovered. Even when you do find someone and get past the initial nervousness, there will always be that insecurity about how close you can really be to the person and whether or not you can hack it in a relationship. There has been a lot of talk in psychological fields about how sex is a healthy part of life and without it a person tends to eventually go off the deep end and it causes severe depression and social disorders. It's best to get laid as soon as possible as much as possible and don't look back. If I had it to do over again, I would have jumped at any chance I got in high school. I wouldn't have saved myself for a situation that never really happens. The bullshit they feed you about saving yourself is a big huge lie. It causes problems. When you finally have your first experience, you'll understand. I can't really explain it as well as other might be able to. I'll try to look up some of the links I have read before.

[coloradodem2005]

8. The problem is that I never had any chances.

Not any that would have been worthwhile anyways. I just don't understand what got me to the point I was even at the end of high school and why I always had problems with women. THis is where the problems started.


The thing that annoys me is that everyone is telling me what I need. Everyone would tell me I need a girlfriend. Or they would tell me that I need to get laid or I need a girlfriend. They would tell me I was too serious and too hard on myself, about women and in general. On the flip side, I would hear people tell me that I wasn't working hard enough or the church I went to for 3 years would tell me I need to remain celibate and not listen to that secular music and what not. My mother told me that I needed a girlfriend based on my astrological sign. It's like everyone is trying to put me in their box to tell me what I need and define me.

I feel once again that I am being told by someone that I need something. In and of itself is frustrating and what makes it worse is that it is something that I have never had access to.

[Jamastiene]

9. Everyone needs it

Even medical science has proven that if a baby is born and put into an incubator and never held or never received affection, it will DIE. Here are a couple of links for you to look over.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/pp2/cnc/files/portal/medicalinfo/sexualhealth/white-030401-sexual-expression.pdf

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/pp2/cnc/files/portal/medicalinfo/teensexualhealth/white-adolescent-sexuality-01.xml

[coloradodem2005]

10. But if you do not have access to it.

THen you have a problem. I don't have access to it. Yes, I may die soon because of this. I have just gotten to the point where I cannot even deal with being touched anymore.

[Jamastiene]

11. You're a guy right?

Prostitutes make a difference. I would still be suffering more if I hadn't taken that girl up on her offer. I wish she was still around to be honest. It was more than worth it to me. I wish she'd pop back into my life right now. As far as you are concerned, try to go for it. I'd be willing to bet you have more chances than I do. Are you in college? Have a regular work schedule? If you do have a place to go meet people, then go, loosen up and just try any women who look interesting to you and look at you. The first few may say no, but the next few will be a little more willing. If nothing else, they'll be drunker and feeling freer by that time. It's the only way I can manage it at all. I just wish I hadn't blown my teen years when I had easier access to birth control and drugs. Personally, I wish I could go back and do it then instead of messing myself up so much. Now I am damaged and defective. It sucks. There is still time for you somewhat though.

[coloradodem2005]

12. I am a guy.

Why a prostitute? I don't go to school right now and I don't have a job. I'd have to pay someone to have sex with me?

I can assure you that there has never been a woman who was interested in my unless it was for two reasons.
1. To play a cruel joke on me.
2. To control my life.

You cannot sacrifice your independence so that someone can run your life. I can't permit it. No opportunities besides those.

[Jamastiene]

13. I'd pay for it

if I could find a decent looking one right now. I'd pay a pretty penny for it. There is no shame in paying for it. One thing you'll learn about women is that you pay one way or another. If you want a girlfriend or sex with other people, you'll pay, whether it is by having to hunker down and work on a relationship or money. The money is easier to part with...

[frustrated_lefty]

14. ColoradoDem

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 25. From what you've said, it sounds like maybe you have a bit of bottled up anger at past relationships. You don't want to bring all of that old shit into a new relationship, so you're probably a lot smarter than most of us here.

Approach your sexuality and that of your partners with care, attention, and concern. You both deserve that much.

[frustrated_lefty]

15. NO!

You should be informed and aware of potential consequences if you choose to "so it." Explaining cervical cancer due to a papilloma virus to your family kinda sucks. Random sex=dumb. Informed sex with precautions=your choice.

[Jamastiene]

2. I'm your candidate

Anyone here who has had to deal with me lately knows this is true. I do wonder how many ignore lists I am on. Here is what I sent the author.

I abstained. If you want to help the research along on the negative psychological effects abstinence had on some of us, I'm your candidate. If you get me in touch with someone who is doing such research on adults and effects later on in life, you'll see how those who actually abstain miss out on important milestones in life that damages the person in unfixable ways. I despise those people who did that to me and robbed me of my transition into adulthood like normal people get to experience. Throw extreme homophobia aimed at a person for year after year on end into the mix and you get me. My first experience was rape, the next was that I practically raped myself. If only you knew how bad abstinence programs really are on people... You are so right and you don't even realize how right you are. Bravo!

Sincerely,
Kasey Holloway

[rodeodance]

16. "to open wide the thighs of education" I like his language

....Good thing teens see right through it all and have more sex anyway. But how very sad that we simply refuse, absolutely refuse, to open wide the thighs of education to teach them how to do it right, full of juicy respect, reverence, delight and true understanding. Oh, what a world we could make. Don't you think?......

[Jamastiene]

18. Sex is

absolutely necessary for the best health. I normally am not into health related hobbies, but I'd have to say, sex is THE easiest type of exercise. It provides a great cardiovascular workout, great muscle tone, great grin muscle builder, it provides great breathing exercises, and the afterglow is the best thing in the world for depression and a host of other maladies that stress brings out. Too bad cybersex at DU isn't allowed. I'd try to become a madam real quick like. :evilgrin:

[rodeodance]

17. [e-mail] Here is email address for the article

[Wright Patman]

19. Sex is very dangerous

Last time I tried it, it was because a married woman whose husband was impotent seduced me. I tried to resist her advances, but she caught me at a very vulnerable time because a lady who I really truly thought was my "soulmate" had just unceremoniously dumped me.

She became careless about the situation, parked right out in front of my house, the cuckold tracked her down and came to the door. Fortunately it was locked. But by the time I stumbled to the door, I knew damn well who it was and that it was likely the next sound I would hear was a gunshot (this is Texas, after all) followed by my brains splattering the wall.

There's another thread going about how crowded the world is going to be in 2050. We can't take much more of this mindless screwin', people! Earth to people: keep it in your pants or at least use protection!