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DEEP THROATED WHINING
“Speaking with us today is one of the men who spent
some time at the eye of the Watergate storm. The man
responsible for installing the electrical tape to
cover the door latches during the break-in. Thanks for
joining us. As you know, Washington DC is mourning the
loss of its favorite 30 year old guessing game, as the
whole country now knows the identity of Deep Throat.
Being right there where it all began, what are your
thoughts?”
“Disgust mostly. Call me an old fashioned felon, but
I’m revolted by how the liberal media machine is
determined to convince a gullible public what a swell
guy this Deep Throat character is. Trying to make him
out to be a national hero, when he really was nothing
but a lousy rat. Skulking around in darkened garages
not breaking into any cars. Deserves the mark of the
stupid squealer.”
“So you disagree with the notion that Deep Throat
provided a great service to the nation?”
“A monumental disservice is more like it. This guy is
nothing but a stone hypocrite. Claims he had evidence
of corruption. Well, if he was so damned sure, he
should have taken it straight to his superiors.”
“But isn’t it true that L. Patrick Gray, his immediate
and only superior at the FBI, was also indicted in the
very same coverup?”
“So what? The way Felt handled it was contemptible.
Going to outside agencies is unethical. There are
proper Christian ways to go about these sort of
things, and at every juncture, the choice he made was
shameful and dishonorable. Something a terrorist would
do. Now, I’m not saying W. Mark Felt was an advance
scout for Al Qaeda, but…”
“Say he had gone to the authorities with this
information, what do you think would have happened?”
“That’s easy. The focus would have shifted to him and
the moral considerations of his whistle blowing, and
Nixon would have scurried under a rock to wait for the
glare to go away.”
“Like what happened with Dan Rather and Bush’s
National Guard duty?”
“Exactly. Nobody bothered to find out if the
information was correct or not once it became clear
the documents weren’t. If Karl Rove were running
things, Nixon might still be President.”
“Weren’t you convicted of burglary of the Watergate
offices and subsequently charged with extortion, money
laundering and illegal pony insemination?”
“I acted under the direct orders of our
Commander-in-Chief for whom I considered it an honor
to lie, cheat, steal and pony inseminate.”
“Illegal orders.”
“I was a good soldier.”
“So were the Nazis.”
“And your point is?”
“In a prepared statement, Mark Felt’s grandson sees
his grandfather’s legacy as that of a Great American
Hero. Do you take issue with that assessment?”
“Hero? The guy’s a schmuck. He totally ruined his
legacy. Instead of being known as a former deputy
director of the FBI with the highest esteem of his
colleagues, now he'll always be known as Deep Throat,
the guy who ratted out a President.”
“And you’ll be known as a criminal sleazebag who broke
the law, tried to cover it up and spent five years in
federal prison.”
“Yes, but I still have the esteem of my colleagues.”
“Which are mostly career criminals.”
“Point taken.”
“Well, thanks again for talking to us. Next up, a
Catholic Priest gives us a stern talking to on the
Michael Jackson verdict.”
Political Comic Will Durst believes Conservatives are
unclear on the concept of “irony.”
Catch Durst at a special guest at DC’s Funniest
Celebrity Contest this week on C-SPAN.
Reposted by permission
www.willdurst.com
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