Reefer Absurdity / Will Durst

[EFerrari]

reposted by permission

REEFER ABSURDITY

In its finite wisdom, the US Supreme Court upheld the
Federal Government’s ban on Medical Marijuana.
Screwing all ten states that legalized it and leaving
a lot of folks in those ten states with superfluous
Glaucoma diagnoses. Now first off, let me clarify: I
don’t smoke pot. I don’t. Makes me paranoid. No, I’m
serious. I am the author of the paranoid trilogy.
“What is it? Who are they? Why me?” I get the
munchies, go in a restaurant, the waitress says “hi”
and I go, “Yes, I am. I’m sorry. Don’t tell my Aunt
Mary.” But you know what, I don’t drink Wild Turkey
any more and yet harbor no desire for that vile liquid
to be made illegal either.

Justice John Paul Stevens said plaintiffs suffering
chronic pain should turn to "the democratic process"
for comfort. He addressed this opinion to the two
plaintiffs who suffer respectively from a brain tumor
and a degenerative spinal disease. I’m a thinking the
85 year old liberal Justice needs to bone up on his
bedside manner a bit. “Take two democratic processes
and call me in the morning.” Wonder if this guy has
consulted for any HMOs lately? Going to have to revise
the new edition of the Physician’s Desk Reference by
inserting “Activist Judges” next to “Cottonmouth”
under possible side effects.

Besides, how can they cite an interstate commerce
jurisdiction over homegrown which according to Justice
Clarence Thomas, “has never been bought or sold, that
has never crossed state lines, and that has had no
demonstrable effect on the national market for
marijuana?" That’s right, I’m quoting Clarence Thomas.
Which means tomorrow all the residents of hell might
want to break out the sleds and earmuffs. Who knows?
Maybe it was a stem of Maui Wowie and not a pubic hair
on that Coke can.

That roar from the red states you hear is the
orchestrated shout out that Conservtives normally toss
whenever we godless heathens have been defeated. And
one of the ironies can be found in the accompanying
sound of millions of brewskies being popped in
celebration. What is wrong with these people? Don’t
they realize that marijuana grows in the ground? They
don’t call it “weed” for nothing you know. Think of
all the different complicated operations you need to
perform in order to make liquor. Its not like you can
walk into your backyard and pluck a pina coloda off
the cocktail tree. Pot- you pick it, dry it and smoke
it. Hope you’re not saying God screwed up here are
you? Its pot. Its not heroin. Its not acid. Its not
even Marlboro Lights. For crum’s sake, you can bake it
into brownies. Brownies! What’s more American than
that?

And another thing, why do politicians always insist on
lumping all drugs together? Even a fourth grader can
tell you that crack is to pot like an Uzi is to a
banana. Crack- kills. Pot- giggles. Say you do run
into a crazed pothead: what’s the worst thing that’s
going to happen to you? Okay, you might get fleas, but
that’s about it. So there’s Twinkie Cream on your
shirt, wipe it off. Can’t get the song, “Stairway to
Heaven” out of your head, deal with it. Potheads don’t
mug, they hug. The same can not be said about the
Supreme Court.
Political Comic Will Durst restricts his illicit drug
activity to mixing Pop Rocks with his Anchor Steam.

Oh yeah, 2 benefits. One at Cobbs for the North Beach
Mural on Sunday afternoon and the other Monday night
at the Punch Line to raise money for Comedy Day. Make
you comedy dollar count!

will durst
www.willdurst.com

[NorCalDem]

1. Here is the point

To quote from your article Will....

Besides, how can they cite an interstate commerce
jurisdiction over homegrown which according to Justice
Clarence Thomas, “has never been bought or sold, that
has never crossed state lines, and that has had no
demonstrable effect on the national market for
marijuana?"

The reason for this is obvious. As I heard here yesterday, and I have always thought, the only reason pot is illegal (along with many other substances) is simply because large pharmaceutical corporations cannot patent pot and make money off of every joint smoked. Since you can grow it by yourself, and smoke it by yourself, they aren't making money, and that as we all know is truly harmful to America :sarcasm:

Also, a favorite quote of mine:
"God made pot, Man made beer, who do you trust?"

[EFerrari]

2. I wonder how much that decision cost us, in pod people hours?

:)