DUI attorneys adopt ‘McClellan defense strategy’ (very funny)

[underpants]

http://benquirer.blogspot.com/

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After witnessing the success of White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan’s “deny deny deny” strategy when confronted by the press corps about Karl Rove’s role in the Valerie Plame scandal, U.S. DUI attorneys have stated they will implement a new plan of attack when defending accused drunk drivers.

That plan of attack, the National Lawyers Union said in a statement, is to be called the “Scott McClellan defense” and will include a strict regimen of denials, vague statements including the phrase “no comment” and as a tribute to McClellan himself, a fair amount of sweating.


DUI victims are being encouraged to tell arresting officers that they cannot comment on their own case or state of being because at the moment of wrongdoing an “ongoing investigation” is in place.





Judges are baffled as to how to interpret the new approach, and worry that it could spread to other areas of law including homicide, robbery and marital law.

“There is no just way prosecutors can compete with a person who stays on message for 24 straight questions even as the forces of reality threaten to undermine his talking points,” Judge Harold Smith said. “And those reporters were vicious, but Scotty kept his pose – no wonder that Guckert guy snuck into the White House so many times late at night, he was probably getting some tips for his own scandal!”

After some goading from reporters, Smith conceded that perhaps the Guckert visits had less to do with crafting a message and more with taking it in the ass, but he wouldn’t commit 100 percent to such an opinion, he said.


“With this new defense it’s going to be next to impossible to convict anyone of anything anymore,” said U.S. District Attorney Jack McCoy. “Even when physical evidence is present and the defendant is caught red-handed, we will still be unable to convict.”

[Occulus]

1. "U.S. District Attorney Jack McCoy"

:rofl:

[liberal N proud]

2. If it works for them, why not everyone else?

[kenny blankenship]

3. Also I did not KNOWINGLY drive while under the influence of alcohol

In fact I can't even remember doing it, nor for that matter can I remember doing anything at all that evening, from about dinnertime onwards 'til I woke up next morning in jail.
I could not have chosen to break the law since I was I so out of my mind I didn't know what I was doing. Therefore I am not guilty of the crime and must be set free.