FEMA Head Refuses to be Evacuated from Office-"You'll never take me alive!

[underpants]

FEMA HEAD REFUSES TO BE EVACUATED FROM OFFICE

‘You’ll Never Take Me Alive,’ Says Shotgun-wielding Brown

http://www.borowitzreport.com/default.asp

A tense standoff continued in Washington, D.C. today as Federal Emergency Management Agency head Michael Brown refused to be evacuated from his office at FEMA headquarters.

“We offered to move him to another office far away from the FEMA building, where he could do no harm,” said Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff. “We told him that he would have a nice desk, a telephone and a secretary, and that he could spend all day rewriting his resume.”

“You bastards!” shrieked a visibly unhinged Mr. Brown. “You’ll never take me alive!”

As the standoff moved into its third day, Mr. Brown told reporters that he had enough food and water to remain in his office for another six months and that it was unfair to evacuate him after “only one major screw-up.”

“They would never do this to Rumsfeld,” he said.

[papau]

1. Read Brownie his own "National Response Plan" FEMA rules

The December 2004 National Response Plan (NRP), the federal Department of Homeland Security's (DHS) most recent plan for coordinated federal response to disasters http://mediamatters.org/rd?http://www.dhs.gov/interweb/... , confirms the Red Cross' status as a "primary agency" http://mediamatters.org/items/200509090002#establishes
that will, under the oversight of FEMA and DHS, coordinate "federal mass care resources" to affected areas. Moreover, in a "catastrophic event," such as what befell New Orleans, the NRP directs FEMA http://mediamatters.org/items/200509090002#directs
to act on its own authority to quickly provide assistance and conduct emergency operations, bypassing state and local authorities if necessary.