Bobby Henderson's open letter re: Flying Spaghetti Monster

[underpants]

OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.



Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.



http://www.venganza.org/

[BlueEyedSon]

1. Um , yeah. Like MONTHS ago......

[underpants]

8. Just got it from a co-worker

Worth a revisit though (I think)

[ixion]

2. all hail the Flying Speghetti Monster!

If they're going to teach the bogus ID, then they need to teach the TRUTH about the FSM. :evilgrin:

[Village Idiot]

3. Is this in honour of "Talk Like A Pirate Day?"

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/


Harrrrrr...avast, ya lubbers...Shrub can suck the barnacles off 'a' me stern....Harrrrrr....

[underpants]

9. ARRRRRRRRR!!!

No just an incredible coincidence

[RedCloud]

4. Sounds like an advertising ploy

For one of those fish stickers.

[underpants]

10. "Get them in the pews!!...Gotta get'em when they are young

Like the tobacco industry

Oh (lights cigaretter) if we only had their numbers"

-Chris Rock and George Carlin characters in "Dogma"

[MuseRider]

5. I *heart*

the Flying Spaghetti Monster. :loveya:

[BootinUp]

6. a classic for sure

I laughed so hard I cried when I first read that thing.

[Hand]

7. THIS IS HUGH111111

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the new Church of the Sub-Genius!!! Get in on the ground floor!

[shireen]

11. Bobby Henderson is my prophet. n/t

[BlueEyedSon]

12. rAMEN, all my fellow PASTAFARIANS!

[Demit]

13. well, underpants, I for one never saw this, so thanks.

And every so often I do look up at the sky and know I am a tiny speck in the universe and I wonder Who created it, He Who of course is so much larger than myself, and if it is the Flying Spaghetti Monster then so be it. We must all respect His noodly appendage.