The Onion--Democrats Vow Not to Give Up Hopelessness

[Demeter]

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/45793/print/


February 27, 2006 | Issue 42•09

WASHINGTON, DC—In a press conference on the steps of the Capitol Monday, Congressional Democrats announced that, despite the scandals plaguing the Republican Party and widespread calls for change in Washington, their party will remain true to its hopeless direction.

"We are entirely capable of bungling this opportunity to regain control of the House and Senate and the trust of the American people," Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) said to scattered applause. "It will take some doing, but we're in this for the long and pointless haul."

.....
Political consultant and Democratic operative James Carville said that, if properly disseminated, the message of hopelessness could be the Democrats' most effective in more than a decade.

"For the first time in a long time, we're really connecting with the American people, who are also feeling hopeless," Carville said. "If we can harness that and run on it in '06, I believe we can finish a strong second."



THIS ENTIRE SEND UP OF THE LEADING LIGHTS OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY WOULD BE FUNNY, IF IT WEREN'T MOST LIKELY TRUE, OR SOON TO BE SO.

[rucky]

1. Stay the course! n/t

[xchrom]

2. hysterical!

ya gotta laugh.

[Wetzelbill]

3. oh lord.... I laughed, but it was an uneasy laugh.....

Too close to home. :)

[KyndCulture]

4. that was too funny! and scary... nt

[NewJeffCT]

5. The Onion is scarily accurate at times

Like their 2001 Bush inaugeration "our long national nightmare of peace & prosperity is finally over"

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784
>>>>
Bush swore to do "everything in power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.

During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"

On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.<<

I mean, if you didn't see that it was written Jan 17, 2001, you'd almost think it was written in 2004 as a retrospective.

[KyndCulture]

6. dayum... that was scarily accurate. nt

[necso]

7. Some funny stuff this weak. /nt