There's a War on Christians? Sign me up!

Skinner ADMIN

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Mon Apr-03-06 03:57 PM
Original message

There's a War on Christians? Sign me up!

Edited on Mon Apr-03-06 10:15 PM by Skinner

First, I've got a confession. In my relatively short life, I have been presented with at least two opportunities to enlist in the military in order to fight against the enemies of our country -- in 1991 against Iraq, and in 2003 against... um... Iraq. Both times, I shirked my responsibility and chose to decline this amazing opportunity, but I swear I had a good excuse. If you're thinking "anal cyst" then you've got me confused with someone else. Oh, no. My excuse is much better than that. Basically, I just didn't feel like going. Which is my privilege as a young white guy from a relatively affluent family. There were plenty of minorities and working class kids who had already claimed all the good spots near the front of the line, and besides I didn't really support either of those wars anyway. Also, there was beer that needed drinking back here in the states.

I've always felt a little guilty about the fact that I didn't sign up for either of these wars that I didn't support. Not so much because of the "not signing up" part, but more for the "sending less fortunate people instead" part. So I'm always on the lookout for other wars that I could sign up for, in order to assuage my feelings of guilt. I considered signing up for the Drug War, except I don't really support that one. Then I considered signing up for the War on Poverty, until someone told me that it ended about four decades ago. (In case you're wondering: We lost.) Then there were the Burger Wars and the Cola Wars, both of which seemed promising, but for the fact that I was having difficulty picking sides. (I must have taken the Pepsi Challenge about a dozen times, and each time I picked a different cola. I swear, that pimply little punk who was administering the test must have been switching them around in back just to piss me off.)

I was about to completely give up out of frustration, until I heard about the War on Christians, which (they tell me) has been raging for years, here in the United States.

A War on Christians? Sign me up!

Now wait a minute, I know what you're thinking. Since I am a liberal, you probably assume that I want to sign up to fight against the Christians. Incorrect. While I am not myself a Christian, I am a big supporter of the United States Constitution and the First Amendment, and I will gladly fight and die to protect the freedom of any American to worship how they please. I'm also strongly opposed to any sort of ethnic or religious cleansing, whether it's against Bosnians in Yugoslavia, Jews in Nazi Germany, or Christians here in the United States. And if you think I'm exaggerating, suck on this: No lesser authority than Michael Horowitz, a senior fellow at the Hudson Institute and himself a Jew, says that Christians are the "Jews of the 21st century," so it must be true. I am haunted by a new version of the familiar refrain, perhaps you recognize it:

First they came for the Christians
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Christian.

I am not a Christian, but I will speak out. I am proud to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with my Christian brothers and sisters as we fight -- to the death, if necessary -- against the powerful forces waging this War on Christians. It started as a little-noticed War on Christmas, and later it escalated to a War on Easter. Now, they say we've got a full-fledged War on Christians, which sounds like a bloody, genocidal civil war. (Or if you prefer not to use the politically incorrect word "civil war" I understand that it is still permissible to call it "sectarian conflict" instead.)

If you are a savvy news consumer, you are probably wondering why the media has not been giving very much coverage to this War on Christians. I mean, for chrissakes, there's a war right here in this country! It's not like they aren't capable of reporting it. Every time you turn on the television or open a newspaper, you are bombarded with images of death and destruction from the Iraq War: Car bombs. IEDs. Insurgents. Little Arab children covered in blood, crying, with missing limbs. Obviously, this is yet another example of anti-Christian and anti-American bias in the news media. They gladly travel halfway around the world to report on foreign people killing each other, but when it comes to American Christians being targeted in a deadly civil war on our own soil, there is a virtual media blackout (except, of course, for the heroic reporting of Fox News reporter John Gibson, who is rumored to have been embedded with a Christian militia right on the front lines of the war). One can only conclude that the liberal media considers Iraqi lives to be vastly more important than the lives of American Christians.

I decided to take action. For a while I thought about actually signing up for the military, or maybe purchasing a firearm so I could serve as a sort of citizen-militiaman. But then I realized that with my computer skills and my large amount of free time, I was much too valuable to the cause to risk actually being killed.

So I fired up my email program and struck right at the soft underbelly of the beast:

To: CNN, MSNBC, New York Times, Washington Post
From: skinner@democraticunderground
Sent: Monday, April 03, 2006 3:09 PM
Subject: The War on Christians, Christmas, Easter, etc.

Dear Liberal Media. Why do you love Iraqis and hate American Christians? KMA. 'Nuf said!

I sat back and admired my handiwork. Devastating. Succinct, contemptuous, and fully spell-checked. The pajama patrol would be proud. I clicked the "send" button, and looked forward with great satisfaction to the long fight ahead. The media is going to beg for mercy before I'm done with them.

You're next, ACLU!