The Onion--Earth Passed Over for Invasion

[Demeter]

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/46945


BETA QUADRANT, ZGYXA—Nearly 200,000 hostile aliens from the planet Zgyxa skipped invading Earth Monday, saying it "does not seem worth the effort." "A planet scan indicates that its resources will be tapped by 2015, its most intelligent life form cannot fly, and it possesses no significant deposits of Tangium," said Supreme Commander Kasha Ak-Bej, the nine-foot serpentine leader of the invasion. "Not to mention that their fleshy exoskeleton would make earthlings unfit slaves for mining Zgyxa's molten core." Representatives from the Council of Earth expressed their disappointment.

[rodeodance]

1. nah, we just won't do those type of jobs

[izzie]

2. But we would if they had health care with it.

I wonder if these people would want to drive here? I think I did see some out on the road yesterday.

[katty]

3. smart move planet Zgyxa!!

[tom_paine]

4. Besides, the "intelligent" species will be extinct in less than 2000 years

maybe a LOT less.

So if they wait they can move in and rehabilitate the Earth into a daffodil refuge.

And the Misguided Monkey People won't even be part of the exhibit.

[Igel]

5. Just put in a bypass. n/t

[Zorro]

6. Tom DeLay To Pursue Corruption In Private Sector

STAFFORD, TX—Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, who is facing several ethics violations and felony charges, announced Tuesday that he will resign from Congress in order to concentrate on corruption in the private sector. "I can say with a clear lack of conscience that, after 21 years of public disservice, I have done everything I could to the American people," DeLay said in a televised statement to constituents. "I have a lot to offer the corporate world, such as money laundering and influence-peddling." DeLay added that, before assuming his new irresponsibilities, he looks forward to spending more time alienating his family and cheating on his wife.

From the same edition of the Onion...:-)