UK Observer: Why We Won't Go To War With Iran, by Jack Straw*

[Taxloss]

*NB: This is a satirical column by Armando Ianucci. It's very funny.

Oh dear, the perils of foreign affairs

1 I meet a lot of people in my role as Foreign Secretary and quite a lot of them are from around the world. The one thing they all ask me is: 'What's Condoleezza Rice like?' I've got to say, she's charming, witty and intelligent. She's also black, which I think is fabulous. For all these reasons, I'm certain America will not go to war with Iran, nor would we join them in any planned air strike if they did, which they're not going to do, as I said.

2 If America did go to war with Iran, which they won't, but let's just say for the sake of pointless argument they did, then would Britain go to war with Iran with them? Let me make it absolutely clear that Tony Blair has made it absolutely clear that this is on balance pretty unlikely.

I mentioned this to Condoleezza and she said: 'How unlikely?' and I said: 'Pretty', then, realising what I'd just said, blushed, and she said: '"Pretty" is good enough for me' and walked back into her room, which just demonstrates the laser-like commitment to detail this marvellous politician exudes at all times. As Condoleezza left, the faint scent of peach blossom lingered in the air, a too-quickly dispersing waft of fragrance hanging like a cloud of hope in the night-time hotel corridor of wartorn central Baghdad. I took to my own bed thoroughly satisfied. With her answer.

3 There is as yet no reason to go to war with Iran because they have not provided us with one. And even if they did, would we spot it? You see, they're so devious, this Iranian regime, that they would be perfectly capable of hiding the very reasons we should go to war with them. So devious, in fact, that this is exactly why a lot of people are suggesting we go to war with them. Which is why I think we should counter their bluff by not falling for it. It's an argument I'm more than happy to put to the Americans or something approximating to it, anyway. I've already mentioned it to Condoleezza Rice and she's said it's certainly an interesting point of view, so I think I'm making some headway there.

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/7days/story/0,,1749963,00.html

[tocqueville]

1. One thousands and one night with J Straw...

'"Pretty" is good enough for me' and walked back into her room, which just demonstrates the laser-like commitment to detail this marvellous politician exudes at all times. As Condoleezza left, the faint scent of peach blossom lingered in the air, a too-quickly dispersing waft of fragrance hanging like a cloud of hope in the night-time hotel corridor of wartorn central Baghdad. I took to my own bed thoroughly satisfied. With her answer."

I think I am going to throw up

[LynnTheDem]

5. It's SATIRE.

UKG's version of The Onion.

And it's hilarious! I LOVE when the UK media mocks bush & Cabal, Tony the bLiar and Jack Strawman. :D

[tocqueville]

6. aaaah OK

it was too good to be true

[movonne]

2. This guy is nuts...

[savemefromdumbya]

3. Why is Blair plotting then?

Have Tony and Jack fallen out. Is Jack in love with Condi?

[rfranklin]

4. Sound like a bad romance novel...he'll be stamping his feet when...

they drop a nuke on Iran and Condi replies, "well, we didn't invade...we just mailed them a package."

But then condi will sweep him into her arms and smother him with love. Her full lips parting while her forked tongue tickles his tonsils. Together they will fall onto the jasmine scented sheets and consummate the fiery passions that engorge their loins.