The REAL Reasons Why Scott McClellan Has Left the White House

[Skinner]

• Wants to spend more time with his family: James Frey, Jayson Blair, and Stephen Glass.
   
• So many of his pairs of pants have inexplicably burst into flame that it has become virtually impossible to get dressed in the morning.
   
• Chronic motion sickness from excessive spinning.
   
• Suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder due to tough questioning from Helen Thomas.
   
• There has been so much "good news" coming out of Iraq that the White House decided it is completely unnecessary to have a press staff.
   
• Policy of not commenting on "ongoing investigations" has made it virtually impossible for him to comment on anything anymore.
   
• New job: Washington Post Ombudsman.
   
• Constant barrage of hardball questions from the White House Press Corps. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Just kidding.
   
• Disregarded advice of commanders who said a larger military force was necessary for successful invasion and occupation of Iraq; failed to plan for post-invasion occupation; personally supervised torture of detainee(s) at Guantanamo Bay; arrogant and imperious; recently was the object of unprecedented public criticism from six highly respected former generals. Considering this appalling record of failure, it is surprising it took this long for him to lose the confidence of the Commander in Chief. (Now, wait a second...)
   
• Mastered "lies" and "damned lies" but still struggling with "statistics."
   
• Finally grew a conscience.
   
• It's the only way he could get out of upcoming hunting trip with vice president.
   
• Wants to investigate whether it is possible to do other things "like a rug."
   
• Breaks into cold sweat when he thinks about trying to explain upcoming Iran War.
   
• Hoping for cushy job in  Jack Abramoff's lobbying firm  Tom DeLay's office  Duke Cunningham's office  Katherine Harris's senate campaign  Scooter Libby's office  any place that will hire him.
   
• The job just hasn't been the same since Jeff Gannon left the White House Press Corps.
   
• Considering the fact that the Bush administration has been such a huge success and has done so many awesome things to make this country great, the only possible explanation for the president's low poll numbers is poor performance by White House press secretary.
   
• The rats are abandoning ship.

[Schema Thing]

1. Letterman got nuthin' on you, man. Those are great!

[expatriot]

3. sycophant :)

[Schema Thing]

9. Your not the decider of me!

[patdem]

2. AND a comedian! I ain't referring to McClellan

:rofl:

[geiger]

4. Why go anywhere else, when we can get all the answers on DU?

[IChing]

5. LOL....so many pairs of pants..the job hasn't been the same since Gannon

left!

Now I have to clean my computer screen. Thanks, you made my morning.

[Canuckistanian]

8. And the pants that aren't on fire need to be changed often anyways

LOL.

Buh-bye, Scottie!

[rodeodance]

74. Did you catch the naked man clip on Keith Olberman when he did a

'farewell' segment to Scot? It was a hoot.

[yellerpup]

6. Thanks for the laughs.

Bravo! :applause:

[Vinnie From Indy]

7. LOL !!!

hee hee hee

[Marnieworld]

10. There should be a rim shot sound to accompany this thread

Ba da bing! So freakin' funny and even more so how quickly you did this! Bravo!

[DFW]

11. Wrong

Here is the REAL reason he resigned.

His nose was starting to elongate after every meeting with the White House press corps,
and when his wife started calling him "my little Pinocchio" in bed, he figured enough
"inoperative" statements was enough.


I know. I have my inside sources.

[wakeme2008]

12. Couldn't take the smell of all Helen's Roses

:)

[cascadiance]

17. Damn, you all picked all of the ones I was thinking...

... before I read this thread. He was lonely for Jeff Gannon... He was allergic to Helen Thomas's roses...

Here's one more.

He got offered a job by Stephanie Miller to be a permanent "white house" commentator for her morning show... He's already endured criticism in this job. Should be adequately prepared for a similar role on her show! :)

[PegDAC]

56. Steph

is going to have him sing "You're a Lying Sack of Crap"!

[cascadiance]

59. Hah! That would be a good interview test for her to give him!

:rofl:

[PegDAC]

73. n/t

:7

[babylonsister]

13. Side-splitting, Skinner!

Thanks! :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[saltpoint]

14. "Attention all rodents. Attention all rodents. This administration will

be closing in short order.

Please make your final subversions of Constitutional integrity and proceed to the exits."

Skinner, great post. I think "rats abandoning ship" is dead-on right.

[PegDAC]

57. Last Call for

boarding the lifeboat

[saltpoint]

64. : )

:thumbsup: :dem:

[nickinSTL]

15. those are great...

This is my favorite, I think:

'Policy of not commenting on "ongoing investigations" has made it virtually impossible for him to comment on anything anymore.'

[IndyOp]

16. Plain lies, damn lies, and statistics!!

I love Twain -- I use this line everytime I teach statistics!

:rofl:

[tomfodw]

46. Re: Plain lies, damn lies, and statistics!!

Sorry to be a pedant, but the quote is from Benjamin Disraeli, not Twain. (Even Twain attributed it to Disraeli.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lies%2C_damned_lies%2C_and_statistics

[Cha]

18. LOL! Scottie got

fired and will be branded a LIAR the rest of his natural born life.

[lebkuchen]

19. Whatever the reason, I'm unimpressed.

Scottie, like Ari, is small potatoes.

Rove is more smoke and mirrors that will only clue in the clueless to wonder whether Karl has something to do w/the mess we're in.

[MuseRider]

20. Ooooh Skinner

:applause: WELL DONE! BRAVO!

My favorite. "Wants to investigate whether it is possible to do other things "like a rug."

LOL.

[democrank]

21. You`re kidding, Skinner.

Scotty is leaving? But....but....I just finished a pretty 9" x 11" needlepoint of the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Would it sell on E-Bay?

[Ian David]

22. He's being persecuted because he's a Christian. n/t

[grannylib]

60. *lol* surprised they haven't trotted out that little lie yet...but I bet

they will if the heat on Dumsfeld keeps up

[In Truth We Trust]

23. Policy of not commenting...... renders job mute LOL funny! k&r

[Skink]

24. what no book deal?

[0007]

25. More than excellence!

[Deep13]

26. "Wants to take off tie and let his freak flag fly!"

:hippie:

[PegDAC]

58. He wants to come out

of the closet and proclaim his everlasting love for Jeffy!

[fudge stripe cookays]

27. Ba DOOM chhhhhhhhh....

He'll be here all week! Remember to tip your waitresses, folks.

[spuddonna]

28. Awesome!

Thank you for that laugh - boy did I need it! :)

My fav line: "New job: Washington Post Ombudsman." LMAO!!! Most excellent!!

[Midnight Rambler]

29. He wants to spend more time with Jeff Gannon

Come out come out wherever you are...

[NoSheep]

65. My beloved has already nailed him as a member of "the ring".

[Cyrano]

30. Sigh. We won't have Scotty to kick aroung anymore.

Now what are we going to do for entertainment?

[autorank]

31. Shortage of knee pads makes the job just too painful.

:rofl: Great list.

[justice1]

32. You should write up a resume for him. nt

[Mad_Dem_X]

33. Excellent!

Great job, Skinner!

[DianaForRussFeingold]

34. Scotty's gonna need a job. Faux news would be perfect.

A classic case of shooting the messenger….
I thought Scott McLellan was the most sympathetic out of that very unsympathetic bunch.
Scotty's gonna need a job.He could have a new career as a used car salesman.:rofl: Poor Scotty!

[bdamomma]

72. scotty will be taken care of by a lobbyist. no worries for scotty he will

get a job.

[The Backlash Cometh]

35. Top reason why Republicans are consumed with religion:

Because they sin more often and have guilty consciences.

[annabanana]

36. heeheehee!. . . . . .eom

[spindrifter]

37. According to sources

Scotty will be doing PR for the Michael J. "Brownie" Brown firm.

[libodem]

38. I have tears from laughing

that's funny, I don't care who ya are!! His pants are bursting into flames, OMG.

[El Fuego]

39. Because it was getting too hard for him to keep a straight face!

[Patsy Stone]

40. LOL

Wanted to put an end to the "wild speculation" that he was leaving.

K&R

[OilemFirchen]

41. His pod melted.

[underpants]

42. Wants to spend more time with his sippy cup

[progressivebydesign]

43. The unbridled growth of his nose made it impossible to reach the podium NT

[myrna minx]

44. That is hilarious.

Perhaps another reason is that he didn't want to be poached for his fugu puffer flesh. :rofl:

[LibDemAlways]

45. I have one addition.

Facial bones in danger of fracturing due to stress of pressing nose against wall in a futile attempt to curtail Pinocchio syndrome.

[EVDebs]

47. Are we sure he isn't subject to indictment for lying himself ?

Just thought I'd ask, since stuff he's said about Libby proved untrue. What did he know and when did he know it ?

[ronnykmarshall]

48. You left out ...

Got an offer from Michael Jackson to promote his upcoming CD. He's proven himself good a polishing turds.

[Breeze54]

49. Too funny!!

I especially liked this one!!
:rofl:

Hoping for cushy job in Jack Abramoff's lobbying firm, Tom DeLay's office,
Duke Cunningham's office, Katherine Harris's senate campaign, cooter Libby's office,
any place that will hire him.

[Lone Star Democrat]

50. Enlisted to fight in the War on Christmas

....VERY funny stuff.

[Lone Star Democrat]

51. Heard Bush had a "mandate," thought Prez was gay.

[grannylib]

61. hee hee! i like that one.

[northofdenali]

52. McClellan resigning, $500,000 hush money.

The National Enquirer offering him front page, $300,000.

Skinner's reasons -

PRICELESS

[DrZeeLit]

53. Thinks DU might send him roses now... just like Helen Thomas.

Oh, tres incorrecto.
Think again, Scottie.
Beam him somewhere....please.
Beam him where the sun don't shine?

[Jazz2006]

54. Chortle, snort :) That was GOOD!

:rofl:

[InsultComicDog]

55. They found a more suitable replacement

[bonito]

62. LOL

Went home, replayed the days WH briefing, realized he wasn't wearing any clothes ether.

[immoderate]

63. Hey, who is this skinner guy?

He's pretty good.:shrug:

--IMM

[AuntiBush]

66. Thank You, Skinner!

Hard to pick which is the best.

It falls between "The rats are abandoning ship," to "Wants to investigate whether it is possible to do other things "like a rug." <--- Moreso the latter!
}(

[Mr_Spock]

67. Poor snotty!

:rofl:

funny post :D

[BrklynLiberal]

68. "Finally grew a conscience" That is the funniest joke in the post.

All Bushites are genetically unable to have one of those.

[mogster]

69. The last point is most probable imho n/t

[SalmonChantedEvening]

70. I have tipped my waitress and tried the veal.

Excellent work Skinner

:yourock:

[bdamomma]

71. was kicked to the curb

by the decider, scotty has served his purpose for the bush crime family.