WHAT IF IRAQ GAVE A GOVERNMENT, AND NOBODY CAME

[Don Davis]

"Only" three years after the symbolic toppling of Saddam's statue, the Iraqis finally formed a "Government" -- without of course, any decision over who will be in charge of the three major ministries that are actually responsible for the very defense and security of the country.

Brushing aside such picayune detail, President Bush hailed this milestone, proclaiming: "Look, would you feel any better if they actually had a guy like Rumsfeld in charge of their national security?"

Mr. Bush also pointed out that his own cabinet had a number of "invisible" or no-show members, including those at Treasury, EPA, and Health and Human Resources.

Although the Iraqis deferred decisions over who will eventually head up the key ministries of Defense, Interior, and National Security, they did appoint a Minister of Silly Walks, an extremely important post in light of the large number of Iraqis who have lost at least one leg from the sectarian violence.

The Iraqis also face such divisive issues as the distribution of oil revenues and the award of government contracts, matters that do not create problems in the United States, where all contracts are automatically awarded on a no-bid basis to Halliburton.

However, unlike this Country, which is bitterly divided over whether the Mexicans cutting our lawns or washing our dishes should speak Spanish, the Iraqis can take great comfort in the fact that the Sunnis and Shiites killing each other at least speak the same language.

[Demeter]

1. Who Wants To Be Responsible for Impossible Jobs Like Those?

Not even the Marines are interested, or capable.