Al-Qaeda's No. 114 Killed On Office Depot Run -- Onion

[Demeter]

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/52116

Al-Qaeda's No. 114 Killed On Office Depot Run
August 31, 2006 | Issue 42•35

BALTIMORE—The FBI has announced that Jalal Dawoud, a suspected al-Qaeda lieutenant, was killed in a single-car accident while en route to procure miscellaneous office supplies Tuesday. "The DHS is proud to announce that this man, ranked No. 114 in al-Qaeda's terrorist organization, was fetching some toner and a box of gel pens, but was struck and killed before he could carry out his orders," said FBI Agent Lloyd Hopkinsen, who led a team of 36 investigators to the accident scene. "This is an important victory in the war against terror." The driver who struck Dawoud, livery cab driver and al-Qaeda's suspected No. 54 man Stefan Abu Ali, was treated for minor injuries and released from a Baltimore hospital.