The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 261

top10 ADMIN

(155 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Sun Sep-24-06 09:17 PM
Original message

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 261

Edited on Mon Sep-25-06 08:17 AM by EarlG

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 261

September 25, 2006
Ass-Handing Edition

On this week's list: The Bush Administration (1) has made our country less safe. Chris Wallace (2) gets his backside handed to him. And we celebrate "Fox News Day" along with Mitt Romney (10). Don't forget the key!

The Bush Administration

Unless you've been living on the moon, you'll have heard George W. Bush recently mouth some form or other of the phrase, "America is safer, but we're not yet safe." The message is simple: "my administration is doing a great job of protecting you from the terrorists, but don't stop crapping your pants just yet."

Of course there's one problem with George's feel-good-but-don't-forget-to-keep-feeling-bad statement. The fact is that America - and the world - is far less safe than it was before 9/11, and it's all George's fault.

A classified National Intelligence Estimate recently obtained by the New York Times reveals that "the overall terrorist threat has grown since the Sept. 11 attacks." Why? Because "the American invasion and occupation of Iraq has helped spawn a new generation of Islamic radicalism."

The broad judgments of the new intelligence estimate are consistent with assessments of global terrorist threats by American allies and independent terrorism experts.

The panel investigating the London terrorist bombings of July 2005 reported in May that the leaders of Britain's domestic and international intelligence services, MI5 and MI6, "emphasized to the committee the growing scale of the Islamist terrorist threat."

More recently, the Council on Global Terrorism, an independent research group of respected terrorism experts, assigned a grade of "D+" to United States efforts over the past five years to combat Islamic extremism. The council concluded that "there is every sign that radicalization in the Muslim world is spreading rather than shrinking."

This is a tad curious, because according to comments made Vice President Dick Cheney throughout 2006, people who think that our invasion of Iraq has made things worse in the Middle East are just plain dumb.

On January 19, 2006, Dick Cheney said, "Some have suggested that by liberating Iraq from Saddam Hussein, we simply stirred up a hornet's nest. They overlook a fundamental fact: We were not in Iraq on September 11th, 2001, and the terrorists hit us anyway."

Cheney repeated this claim on August 28, 2006, saying: "I know some have suggested that by liberating Iraq from Saddam Hussein, we simply stirred up a hornet's nest. They overlook a fundamental fact: We were not in Iraq on September 11th, 2001, and the terrorists hit us anyway."

Hmm. And when did the Bush administration get access to this National Intelligence Estimate which says that stirring up a hornet's nest is exactly what we've done?

The intelligence estimate, completed in April, is the first formal appraisal of global terrorism by United States intelligence agencies since the Iraq war began, and represents a consensus view of the 16 disparate spy services inside government.

Don't worry though - according to Our Great Leader, "when the final history is written on Iraq, it will look like just a comma." Seriously. He actually said that.

Chris Wallace

This past weekend, Chris Wallace interviewed Bill Clinton about his Global Initiative. At least, that's what the interview was supposed to be about, until Wallace decided to try to ambush Clinton by accusing him of not doing enough to fight terrorism. A foolish, foolish mistake. Here's the transcript of Wallace's second question of the interview:

CW: When we announced that you were going to be on FOX News Sunday, I got a lot of email from viewers, and I've got to say, I was surprised most of them wanted me to ask you this question: Why didn't you do more to put Bin Laden and al Qaeda out of business when you were President? There's a new book out which I suspect you've read called The Looming Tower. And it talks about how the fact that when you pulled troops out of Somalia in 1993, Bin Laden said, "I have seen the frailty and the weakness and the cowardice of US troops." Then there was the bombing of the embassies in Africa and the attack on the USS Cole

WJC: Okay...

CW: ...May I just finish the question, sir? And after the attack, the book says Bin Laden separated his leaders because he expected an attack and there was no response. I understand that hindsight is 20/20...

WJC: No, let's talk about...

CW: ...but the question is why didn't you do more? Connect the dots and put them out of business?

What followed was a textbook example of how to deal with the right-wing media. Clinton sliced and diced Wallace like a master sushi chef going at a piece of damp fish.

Some choice moments:

WJC: I authorized the CIA to get groups together to try to kill him. The CIA was run by George Tenet, who President Bush gave the Medal of Freedom to and said he did a good job. The country never had a comprehensive anti-terror operation until I came to office. If you can criticize me for one thing, you can criticize me for this: after the Cole, I had battle plans drawn to go into Afghanistan, overthrow the Taliban, and launch a full scale attack/search for Bin Laden. But we needed basing rights in Uzbekistan, which we got (only) after 9/11. The CIA and the FBI refused to certify that Bin Laden was responsible while I was there. They refused to certify. So that meant I would have had to send a few hundred Special Forces in helicopters and refuel at night. Even the 9/11 Commission didn't do (think we should have done) that. Now the 9/11 Commission was a political document, too? All I'm asking is if anybody wants to say I didn't do enough, you read Richard Clarke's book.

CW: Do you think you did enough, sir?

WJC: No, because I didn't get him.

CW: Right...

WJC: But at least I tried. That's the difference in me and some, including all the right-wingers who are attacking me now. They ridiculed me for trying. They had eight months to try and they didn't. I tried. So I tried and failed. When I failed, I left a comprehensive anti-terror strategy and the best guy in the country: Dick Clarke.

So you did FOX's bidding on this show. You did you nice little conservative hit job on me.

CW: I asked a question. You don't think that's a legitimate question?

WJC: It was a perfectly legitimate question. But I want to know how many people in the Bush administration you've asked this question of. I want to know how many people in the Bush administration you asked 'Why didn't you do anything about the Cole?' I want to know how many you asked 'Why did you fire Dick Clarke?' I want to know...

CW: We asked...

WJC: (..)

CW: Do you ever watch FOX News Sunday, sir?

WJC: I don't believe you ask them that.

CW: We ask plenty of questions of...

WJC: You didn't ask that, did you? Tell the truth.

CW: About the USS Cole?

WJC: Tell the truth...

CW: I...with Iraq and Afghanistan, there's plenty of stuff to ask.

WJC: Did you ever ask that? You set this meeting up because you were going to get a lot of criticism from your viewers because Rupert Murdoch is going to get a lot of criticism from your viewers for supporting my work on Climate Change. And you came here under false pretenses and said that you'd spend half the time talking about...

CW: (laughs)

WJC: You said you'd spend half the time talking about what we did out there to raise $7 billion plus over three days from 215 different commitments. And you don't care.

CW: But, President Clinton...

WJC: (..)

CW: We were going to ask half the (interview time) about it. I didn't think this was going to set you off on such a tear.

WJC: It set me off on such a tear because you didn't formulate it in an honest way and you people ask me questions you don't ask the other side.

CW: Sir, that is not true...

WJC: ...and Richard Clarke...

CW: That is not true...

WJC: Richard Clarke made it clear in his testimony...

CW: Would you like to talk about the Clinton Global Initiative?

WJC: No, I want to finish this.

There's plenty more where that came from, but do yourself a favor and check out the video at Crooks and Liars. Oh, and by the way - in case you were wondering whether or not Chris Wallace ever actually asked those questions he claimed to have asked, don't worry - Think Progress has checked it out. Would you be surprised to learn that he didn't?

Rick Santorum

Limping along in Pennsylvania polls behind Democratic candidate Bob Casey, Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Fecal Matter) has decided that there's only one place to go from here: negative. Santorum's campaign released a brand new attack ad last week, notable for the fact that pretty much the whole thing is completely and utterly wrong. But don't just take my word for it - News Channel 8 did an in-depth investigation into the claims made in the ad and came up with the following, which I have excerpted from their website. Prepare to be stunned...

Honesty and integrity, thy name is Rick Santorum.

Rick Santorum

But our Rick isn't just releasing false and hypocritical attack ads - he's got plenty of other dirty tricks up his sleeve. For example, it was announced last week that he will enjoy a series of debates across Pennsylvania with Green party candidate Carl Romanelli. That would be Green party candidate Carl Romanelli who is entirely funded by Rick Santorum supporters, as noted in Idiots 254.

How convenient! That should certainly raise the profile of Romanelli - nowhere near close enough for him to win the election, of course, but certainly enough to siphon support away from Bob Casey. No wonder Santorum's supporters are donating to Romanelli in droves.

Bob Casey is quite rightly refusing to take part in this farce - his campaign spokesman Larry Smar said, "We have a rule that each campaign can only have one representative on stage for debate at the same time. As far as we're concerned, (Romanelli) is a representative of the Santorum campaign."

And Casey's refusal to participate has given Santorum's campaign another strawman to rail against - they're calling Casey weak because he won't play in Santorum's sandbox.

"Pennsylvania voters are fortunate to have two candidates for U.S. Senate - Rick Santorum and Carl Romanelli - who are not afraid to debate and stand up for their beliefs," wrote Virginia Davis, Santorum's press secretary, in an e-mail response. "It is unfortunate that the third candidate in this race, Bob Casey, either does not have beliefs or is afraid to stand up for them."

Which is a rather odd thing to say, because Santorum and Casey will be debating three more times before the election at official events which have already been arranged. So I guess the Santorum campaign is just making stuff up. Again.

Pat Carr

Clearly Pat Carr's appearance in Idiots 258 has gone to his head, because he's back for more this week - and with a vengeance. Unfortunately the Rochester Post-Bulletin story about Pat's latest idiocy is subscription only, but I'll excerpt a few paragraphs so that you can get the gist:

Authorities have decided not to pursue criminal charges after an intoxicated 16-year-old boy was found on a mattress in a shed at the home of Rochester City Council member and mayoral candidate Pat Carr last weekend.

(snip)

He said the boy came to his house Friday night with his son and some friends. He said the boy had been drinking, but the rest of the group had not. Carr said the boy got sick, asked to be able to "sleep it off" for a couple of hours. Carr said he was told the boy had his parent's permission to stay, and he was merely trying to "show some compassion for a kid and keep him out of trouble for drinking."

"He's a good kid. Basically I was trying to help him stay out of trouble," Carr said.

(snip)

According to the documents, the officer was unable to contact anyone inside the residence when the juvenile was located. He returned later to investigate and spoke to Carr, who told him that he came home about 9:20 p.m. Friday and said there were several juveniles in his house. He said the 16-year-old in question was throwing up and he thought the boy had been drinking, but appeared to be OK. He said he told the juvenile he didn't want him in the house because he was drunk and throwing up.

He said some of the other juveniles put a mattress on the floor of the shed for him to sleep on. Carr said he thought the juvenile would be taken home in a couple hours. He said he went to bed around 10 p.m. and did not hear anyone knocking on the door that night between 10 p.m. and 4 a.m. He said he did not think any of the juveniles were drinking alcohol at his residence and said he did not supply any of the juveniles with alcohol.

The 31-minute interview ended after Carr told the officer to "kiss my ass."

I'm sorry that most of you won't be able to read the rest of this gripping tale, but perhaps I can console you with the news that the police officer just happened to tape record his conversation with Pat Carr. On a two minute long excerpt of the tape, Carr mimics the officer's accent and complains about black people leaving skidmarks in the street outside his house.

Would you like to hear it? http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/06/261_patcarr.mp3">Of course you would!

Torturemongers

Well that didn't take long! John McCain, John Warner and Lindsey Graham decided last week to sign on to George W. Bush's torture plan after all. In a "compromise" deal, the "maverick" Republican senators agreed to sit down and shut up - in exchange, the Bush administration will agree to follow the Geneva Conventions.

But not really. According to the New York Times:

Less than an hour after an agreement was announced yesterday with three leading Republican senators, the White House was already laying a path to wiggle out of its one real concession.

About the only thing that Senators John Warner, John McCain and Lindsey Graham had to show for their defiance was Mr. Bush's agreement to drop his insistence on allowing prosecutors of suspected terrorists to introduce classified evidence kept secret from the defendant. The White House agreed to abide by the rules of courts-martial, which bar secret evidence. (Although the administration's supporters continually claim this means giving classified information to terrorists, the rules actually provide for reviewing, editing and summarizing classified material. Evidence that cannot be safely declassified cannot be introduced.)

(snip)

On other issues, the three rebel senators achieved only modest improvements on the White House's original positions. They wanted to bar evidence obtained through coercion. Now, they have agreed to allow it if a judge finds it reliable (which coerced evidence hardly can be) and relevant to guilt or innocence. The way coercion is measured in the bill, even those protections would not apply to the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay.

The deal does next to nothing to stop the president from reinterpreting the Geneva Conventions. While the White House agreed to a list of “grave breaches” of the conventions that could be prosecuted as war crimes, it stipulated that the president could decide on his own what actions might be a lesser breach of the Geneva Conventions and what interrogation techniques he considered permissible. It's not clear how much the public will ultimately learn about those decisions. They will be contained in an executive order that is supposed to be made public, but Mr. Hadley reiterated that specific interrogation techniques will remain secret.

So congratulations, brave Republican senators! Thanks to your bold actions, George W. Bush can now order the secret interrogation and torture of anyone he deems to be a terrorist suspect only if he really, really wants to.

I hope this is some comfort to Canadian citizen Maher Arar, who was deported to Syria by U.S. authorities in 2002, beaten, forced to confess that he'd attended terrorist training camps in Afghanistan even though he'd never been to Afghanistan, and kept in a three-feet-wide hole for ten months. Sure, the guy might have been innocent, but he was flying while brown and you just can't be too careful these days.

Richard Mountjoy

The USS Missouri has a long and celebrated history. It was the last battleship to be built by the United States, and and on September 2, 1945, it was the site of Japan's formal surrender, marking the end of World War II. So it's no wonder that Republican Senate candidate Richard Mountjoy of California wanted to trumpet his service on board the famous vessel.

Just one problem: Mountjoy never actually served on board the USS Missouri, despite what his campaign materials might say. According to the Los Angeles Times:

In an interview Thursday, Mountjoy acknowledged that he did not serve on the Missouri. Last week, when first asked about his record, he said his Missouri stint had been "very brief" and that he otherwise served on the U.S. heavy cruiser Bremerton, which has a less celebrated history. He said later that he occasionally boarded the Missouri during the Korean conflict and was on the ship for "a couple of days at a time." But his name does not appear on the ship's muster rolls for those years, according to a researcher engaged by The Times.

All of which is a bit strange, because until very recently his website noted that "After graduating from Monrovia-Arcadia-Duarte High School, Dick joined the Navy and served during the Korean War aboard the Battleship Missouri."

Wait a minute... this guy's name is "Dick Mountjoy?"

:rofl:

Right-Wing Hypocrites

Hugo Chavez called George W. Bush "the devil" during a speech to the United Nations last week, and boy, did that cause a stir. Right-wing commentators and talk radio hosts predictably went ballistic. But I'll be curious to hear what they have have to say about the comments Jerry Falwell made over the weekend.

According to the Los Angeles Times, here's what happened at the Values Voters Summit in Washington DC:

"I certainly hope that Hillary is the candidate," Falwell said, according to the recording. "She has $300 million so far. But I hope she's the candidate. Because nothing will energize my (constituency) like Hillary Clinton."

Cheers and laughter filled the room as Falwell continued: "If Lucifer ran, he wouldn't."

At that moment in the recording, Falwell's voice is drowned out by hoots of approval. But two in attendance, including a Falwell staff member, confirmed that Falwell said that even Lucifer, the fallen angel synonymous with Satan in Christian theology, would not mobilize his followers as much as the New York senator and former first lady would.

Hmm... so when Hugo Chavez calls George W. Bush the devil, it's bad. But when alleged Christian and frequent Fox News contributor Jerry Falwell tells the Values Voters Summit that Hillary Clinton is worse than Lucifer, he gets "cheers and laughter" and "hoots of approval."

Stand by for conservative commentators to go after Falwell this week just as hard as they went after Chavez last week. In your dreams.

George Allen

George Allen is Jewish! Who knew? And more importantly, who cares?

Well - Allen, for one. According to the Washington Post:

At a debate in Tysons Corner yesterday between Republican Allen and Democrat Webb, WUSA-TV's Peggy Fox asked Allen, the tobacco-chewing, cowboy-boot-wearing son of a pro football coach, if his Tunisian-born mother has Jewish blood.

"It has been reported," said Fox, that "your grandfather Felix, whom you were given your middle name for, was Jewish. Could you please tell us whether your forebears include Jews and, if so, at which point Jewish identity might have ended?"

Allen recoiled as if he had been struck. His supporters in the audience booed and hissed. "To be getting into what religion my mother is, I don't think is relevant," Allen said, furiously." Why is that relevant - my religion, Jim's religion or the religious beliefs of anyone out there?"

"Honesty, that's all," questioner Fox answered, looking a bit frightened.

"Oh, that's just all? That's just all," the senator mocked, pressing his attack. He directed Fox to "ask questions about issues that really matter to people here in Virginia" and refrain from "making aspersions."

Aspersions? That's a pretty odd response. It almost makes you think that Allen is ashamed of his Jewish roots. And why were his supporters booing and hissing?

But it turns out that despite Allen's initial horror that someone would dare to mention his heritage, he's now running with it.

U.S. Sen. George Allen, R-Va., yesterday acknowledged his Jewish ancestry, a day after angrily ducking a question about possible Jewish forebears in a debate with his Democratic challenger.

He said in an interview that he was aware of his heritage when asked about it during the nationally televised debate Monday with Webb sponsored by the Fairfax County Chamber of Commerce. Allen did not directly answer a panelist's question on his lineage but sternly criticized her for asking about religion.

Speaking with The Times-Dispatch, Allen said the disclosure is "just an interesting nuance to my background." He added, "I still had a ham sandwich for lunch. And my mother made great pork chops."

Er, what?

Anyway, it turns out that Allen is now taking his love for diversity to grand new heights:

In an interview with CNN's Wolf Blitzer, Sen. George Allen (R-VA) discussed the recent conversation with his mother in which he learned that she had concealed her Jewish upbringing.

"Ma, this just doesn't matter, you know, the Nazis are gone," he recounted.

Sen. Allen said that while "fighting against anti-Semitism and intolerance" is nothing new for him, "now it's personal."

Fighting intolerance is nothing new for George Allen? Someone had better tell the Weekly Standard.

Mitt Romney

And finally, this year marks the 10th anniversary of Fox News. To celebrate the occasion, Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney issued a proclamation last week "declaring Sept. 19, 2006 Fox News Channel Day throughout the state," according to TV Newser. Oh, you lucky... Massachusans? Massachussites? Never mind.

So how is one supposed to celebrate Fox News Channel Day? Well, it's simple really.

First, wake up at the crack of dawn and put on your Stars & Stripes sweatsuit. Eat a quick breakfast while watching Fox & Friends, then hop into your Hummer and head down to the local WalMart for a fresh supply of car flags. Spend the rest of the morning affixing said flags to your vehicle. Don't forget to "pre-wear" the flags by rubbing them in a puddle of grease and ripping holes in them.

At noon, have lunch (falafel with a side of freedom fries) while listening to The Radio Factor.

In the afternoon, hold a fun Weapons Of Mass Destruction Hunt in your back yard. Your kids will play the part of U.N. Weapons Inspectors. Tell them that you've hidden "WMDs" full of candy in the back yard and send them out to track them down. Go inside and have a beer.

After about an hour, your kids will probably come back and report that they've looked everywhere and can't find anything. Inform them that you're certain the "WMDs" are there, and if they don't keep looking then the terrorists will have won all that delicious candy.

After another hour or so of fruitless searching, your kids will be deeply distressed and probably crying. Tell them that you've always known the U.N. were wimps. If crying children bother you, a couple of OxyContin pills will take the edge off.

The traditional evening meal on Fox News Channel Day is a huge turkey dinner prepared by your wife who has been slaving thanklessly in the kitchen all day, which is exactly where she should be. After dinner, make sure you don't offer to do the dishes, because that's her job. If she complains, "Hannitize" her.

If you don't have a woman handy to cook and clean for you, just get a plastic turkey with all the plastic trimmings and pretend it's real. If you want to feel more manly while admiring your plastic turkey, wear a jacket with "Commander in Chief" written on the breast pocket.

After dinner, head out into the neighborhood for a game of Trick or Threat. Put on a Bill O'Reilly mask, knock on your neighbors' doors, and when they appear ask, "Trick or Threat?" If they reply, "threat," tell them that the Democrats are going to let Iran drop bombs full of bird flu down their chimneys. If they say "trick," punch them in the face.

Alternatively, have a firework party in your back yard. While the fireworks are going off, tell your kids that this is what it'll be like when you send them off to join the military. Then laugh out loud and tell them you're just kidding. When the fireworks are over, burn an effigy of Alan Colmes on a bonfire made out Al Franken books.

Finally, to end your perfect Fox News Channel Day, go to a bar and get shitfaced. Pick a fight with someone a lot smaller than you are and give them the gift of freedom by kicking their ass, before passing out in a pool of your own vomit and waking up the next morning in the local drunk tank. When your wife comes to pick you up, blame it all on Bill Clinton.

See you next week!

--EarlG