Bush to Privatize Daylight Savings Time

[Pab Sungenis]

Bush Seeks To Privatize Daylight Savings Time

"Individual Daylight Savings Accounts" to be invested in market

WASHINGTON (WTF) Mar 2, 2007 -- Responding to criticism over the decision to advance Daylight Savings Time by three weeks this year, President Bush today offered his alternative: privatizing the daylight savings program.

"Under my proposal," Bush announced at a press conference this morning, "people will be able to put extra sunlight into their own private account when they have some left over. Then, when they need a few extra hours in the garden or are just a little short of Vitamin D, they'll be able to take some out."

Most significantly, according to Bush, people will be in control of how these "Individual Daylight Savings Accounts" would be invested. "People will be able, if they want, to trade their daylight on the open market, to increase their bottom line, or if they prefer, to just leave it untouched, kind of like squirrelling it away under a matress." Bush also said there would be no penalty for removing sunlight before retirement age, but that any sunlight withdrawn early would be subject to normal taxes.

Other new innovations would allow companies to contribute to their employees' Individual Daylight Savings Accounts, and the conversion of portions of Daylight Savings Accounts to solar electricity. This latter innovation received praise from the man Bush defeated in his first run for the White House, former Vice President Al Gore.

Although Bush's proposals received a warm welcome on Capitol Hill (Senators Joseph Lieberman of Connecticut and Ben Nelson of Nebraska, both alleged Democrats, have agreed to sponsor an Individual Daylight Savings Account bill), opposition is lining up. Senator Evan Bayh of Indiana, a state famous for not following Daylight Savings Time until last year, called the measure "an infringement on States' Rights, and a wanton power grab by the Executive." Arizona Senator John McCain, whose home state also doesn't follow Daylight Savings Time said "if the President wants it, Arizona will make the sacrifice."

President Bush did not explain the scientific process that would make such accounts possible, but White House scientific advisor Rev. Harland P. Overbrook said that if the President wants the program, then "God will provide."

©2007 P. Sungenis, All Rights Reserved

[underpants]

1. He also unveiled his plan for NASA to go to the Sun

In his plan, we go at night

Very funny pabs

[Turbineguy]

2. That's another smart idea!

I'm gonna have to change my mind about Bush! First he reduces the price of heroin and now this. The man is obviously a mis-misunderstood rocket surgeon.

[LiberalFighter]

3. Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels already beat him to the punch

[rurallib]

4. BTW who removes the snow from the private toll road in indy?

I asked my daughter the othe night and she said "apparantly no one"

[LiberalFighter]

5. Contact your Democratic State Rep and Senator about that problem

And your Democratic Mayor if you have any of the above.

[rurallib]

6. I live in Iowa, I was just curious if the state still did the work

or if the companies that leased the roads hired someone and if they did a good job

[LiberalFighter]

7. I have no idea... I don't live in any of the counties that has the toll and...

I don't use the road when I go back to Wisconsin. I avoid it like the plague and it isn't worth the extra miles I have to go to use it.