When Eight is Less Than One

[Daveparts]

What is it about this guy that makes him able to bring out the least in all of us? Is that why perhaps the stories persist of aliens scouring our planet in the search for intelligent life? Because they are just not able to find any? The G-8 summits annual war council on humanity wound up Thursday with German Chancellor Angela Merkel announcing an agreement on greenhouse gases.

Apparently the Chancellor had never heard W.C. Fields warning never try to follow kids or animal acts. Chancellor Angela Merkel said Thursday that the Group of Eight has agreed on a plan calling for "substantial cuts" in the greenhouse gas emissions blamed for global warming.

But the agreement is voluntary, totally voluntary with no more force than the words, “I promise” coming from the lips of George Bush’s mouth and the whole world knows what that’s worth.

Merkel wanted binding reductions; President Bush opposed them. He instead had proposed having the top 15 polluters meet and set a long-term goal, but decide for themselves how much to do toward meeting it.

You know sometime in the coming decade or so, your people will contact my people we’ll have lunch maybe, play a round of golf you know sometime… real soon.

Bush's national security adviser, Steve Hadley, said the ideas in the G-8 declaration are in the President's proposal.

"The President made clear last week that we accepted the principle of a long-term goal," Hadley said during a telephone briefing with reporters. "I think it's very consistent with some ideas the President had last week."

As if the German chancellor’s embarrassment weren’t bad enough, now the simian cowboy rides in to upstage her by taking credit for it. If you had any doubts about the quality of the agreement curious George’s claim of authorship should end all doubt.

The 15 top polluters will meet and decide for themselves? Kind of like Tony Soprano and the boys getting together to decide how much crime to commit or the agreement says is we’ve agreed to talk more, some time, later in the future! Nothing but more hot air added to the atmosphere. And giving them 43 years to not do it, by setting targets for the year 2050 they are effectively saying, “We’ll all be out of office and you’ll all be old or dead.” Why not make the targets 2150 or 2250? With most scientist’s, save Bush’s in agreement that effective action must be taken in the next ten to twenty years targets of 2050 are an obscene farce.

Merkel who had made this the centerpiece of her summit hailed the decision as a "huge success." When Phony Bologna Tony was asked about the agreement during his swan song appearance, the junior chimpette chimed in on queue, asked if there was "wiggle room" in the declaration, British Prime Minister said there will be no agreement "until there's an agreement that has America and China in it. "However, there is now a process to lead to that agreement and at its heart is a commitment to a substantial cut. What does substantial mean? That serious consideration is given to the halving of emissions by 2050," he said. Still, Blair called the deal "a major, major step forward."

What the Prime Minister left out of this major, major step forward was that the commitment is only a promise and only a promise to try to find an agreement at that. And yes, you must have the US and China on board to make progress and that task becomes immensely simplified by not requiring a damn thing from either one of them but to make a promise. Make me an offer, if all I’m required to do is promise to try, I’ll sign right now. What do you want anti gravity boots! Sure thing, how about candy bars that make you skinny! Sure, pass me the pen!

“No one can escape this political declaration. It is an enormous step forward," Merkel told reporters. But the declaration falls short of an ironclad commitment, saying only that the world's biggest greenhouse gas emitters should "seriously consider" following the European Union, Canada and Japan in seeking to halve their output by 2050.” How absolutely correct the Chancellor is, this is a “Political declaration” but it’s one that no one need bother to try an escape from.

I understand that politics is politics and you can’t get the leaders of the richest countries in the world together and come out four days later with a statement, “We stood around quite a bit and our spouses went shopping and we drank a lot of coffee and we ate cake and had our pictures taken shaking hands but other than that it was pretty much a wasn’t worth the trouble of putting up all these fences.” They have to say they’ve accomplished something, even if it’s a smoke and mirrors agreement that lacks even the smoke. They have in some ways however accomplished something they’ve proven that the format doesn’t work any more.

A new format is needed, a new cartel should be formed, the organization of decent humanity sincerely seeking survival or O.D.H.S.S.S. Then The United States and China and the rest of the 15 top polluters could form their own cartel, The organization of pollution exporting countries. Then perhaps instead of dividing the conference attendee’s by cash on hand we can use the metric of commitment to survival instead. Then the European Union would then have some leverage to say the polluting nations that they should seriously consider the EU’s standards.

In other news the Unitarian executive chimp in chief missed the Friday morning meetings due to a “stomach ailment.” I am of course in complete sympathy, back in my drinking days I used to suffer from morning stomach ailments myself. Bush appeared at the afternoon session with that look that most of us are familiar with when the telephone in our head keeps on ringing an only time can answer it. His cheekbones displayed the broken capillaries so often found in those with stomach ailments.

Who knows maybe he was celebrating, no major gaffs or inappropriate grabs that we heard of.
He managed to slip the noose of serious commitment to reducing green house gasses forcing his hosts to make excuses then taking the credit for it himself. All in all a good days work for George of the bungle especially considering the situation back home. So now it’s Miller Time!