The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 295June 18, 2007
Snow Business Like Show Business EditionThis week Tony Snow (1) tries to reclaim some of George W. Bush's aircraft carrier codpiece magic, the Bush Administration (2) is doing great work in New Orleans, and Joe Lieberman (4) has a hard-on for war. Meanwhile, Rudy Giuliani (5,6) is running a campaign based on truthiness, and Chris Matthews (10) can't resist the smell of Fred Thompson. Enjoy, and don't forget the
key!
Tony Snow You may recall from Idiots
289 that Laura Bush thinks that when it comes to the war in Iraq, "no-one suffers more than their president and I do." Last week White House press secretary Tony Snow went one better,
telling reporters that George W. Bush is actually on the "frontlines" of the war in Iraq.
HELEN THOMAS: Are there any members of the Bush family or this administration in this war?
SNOWJOB: Yeah, the President. The President is in the war every day.
THOMAS Come on, that isn't my question -
SNOWJOB: Well, no, if you ask any president who is a commander in chief -
THOMAS: On the frontlines, where ever...
SNOWJOB: The President.
George W. Bush is on the frontlines? Let me make this clear. No he isn't.
On the frontlinesNot on the frontlinesAny questions?
The Bush Administration In his phony photo-op from Jackson Square in New Orleans, not long after he completely failed to leap into action when Hurricane Katrina struck, George W. Bush
told the nation:
Tonight so many victims of the hurricane and the flood are far from home and friends and familiar things. You need to know that our whole nation cares about you, and in the journey ahead you're not alone. To all who carry a burden of loss, I extend the deepest sympathy of our country. To every person who has served and sacrificed in this emergency, I offer the gratitude of our country. And tonight I also offer this pledge of the American people: Throughout the area hit by the hurricane, we will do what it takes, we will stay as long as it takes, to help citizens rebuild their communities and their lives. And all who question the future of the Crescent City need to know there is no way to imagine America without New Orleans, and this great city will rise again.
Oh yeah? That's odd, because last week the Associated Press
reported that:
The cash-strapped city of New Orleans is turning to foreign countries for help to rebuild as federal hurricane-recovery dollars remain slow to flow.
Kenya Smith, director of intergovernmental relations for Mayor Ray Nagin, said city leaders are talking with more than five countries. He wouldn't identify the countries, saying discussions were in the early stages. But he said the city is "very serious" about pursuing foreign help.
"Of course, we would love to have all the resources we need from federal and state partners, but we're comfortable now in having to be creative," Smith said. He did not know if the city would have to overcome any obstacles if it got firm pledges for aid, but "we want to make sure we're leaving no options unexplored."
For months Nagin has complained bureaucracy is choking the flow of much-needed federal aid dollars to New Orleans - slowing the city's recovery. As of June 8, the city said it had received just over half of the $320 million FEMA has obligated for rebuilding city infrastructure and emergency response-related costs. The city has estimated its damage at far more than that - at least $1 billion. And that doesn't include other improvements - such as raised neighborhoods - meant to help build the stronger city promoted by Nagin and his recovery director.
I'll say one thing about this president - he likes to break things. Promises, the law, other countries, the military - you name it, he'll break it.
Ed Gillespie So it's farewell Dan Bartlett, and hello Ed Gillespie! Gillespie, the former head of the RNC (now a high-powered Washington lobbyist) was last week
named to replace Bartlett as White House counsel. Best of luck, Ed! You know what they say - there's no better time to board a ship than about two hours after it's struck an iceberg and is seconds from disappearing beneath the waves while Celine Dion croons in the background.
If Gillespie's past is anything to go by, we've got a lot to look forward to. Who can forget the time he attacked the families of 9/11 victims? (See Idiots
147). Or when he accused gay people of "intolerance and bigotry" for "attempting to force the rest of the population to accept alien moral standards?" (See Idiots
128). Or when the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights had to write him a letter telling him to stop suppressing the vote and intimidating voters in minority communities? (See Idiots
177).
Then, after his fabulous tenure as head of the national GOP, Gillespie took a job with George Allen's senate campaign in Virginia, as
http://www.newsmax.com/archives/ic/2006/1/8/235502.shtml">reported breathlessly at the time by Newsmax:
The chances that Virginia Senator George Allen will be a candidate for the GOP presidential nomination in 2008 took a leap forward with the announcement that former GOP National Committee chairman Ed Gillespie is taking on the job of treasurer of Allen's Political Action Committee (PAC).
And wouldn't you know it, George Allen is now a leading contender for the GOP presidential nomination, just as predicted.
Yes, Ed Gillespie could be the lucky rabbit's foot that the White House has been looking for. Expect them to turn the corner any day now!
Joe Lieberman Ex-Democrat Joe Lieberman must be a bit disappointed that Our Great Leader's Great Rush To War With Iran seems to have been slowed somewhat by the arrival of a Democratic congress. So last week he decided to
remind everyone that... look over there! It's the boogeyman!
"I think we've got to be prepared to take aggressive military action against the Iranians to stop them from killing Americans in Iraq," Lieberman said. "And to me, that would include a strike over the border into Iran, where we have good evidence that they have a base at which they are training these people coming back into Iraq to kill our soldiers."
(snip)
"We've said so publicly that the Iranians have a base in Iran at which they are training Iraqis who are coming in and killing Americans. By some estimates, they have killed as many as 200 American soldiers," Lieberman said. "Well, we can tell them we want them to stop that. But if there's any hope of the Iranians living according to the international rule of law and stopping, for instance, their nuclear weapons development, we can't just talk to them."
What do you mean, "we can't JUST talk to them?" Has anyone even
tried talking to them?
He added, "If they don't play by the rules, we've got to use our force, and to me, that would include taking military action to stop them from doing what they're doing."
Lieberman said much of the action could probably be done by air, although he would leave the strategy to the generals in charge. "I want to make clear I'm not talking about a massive ground invasion of Iran," Lieberman said.
Well thank goodness for that. Let's be clear: it's NOT a massive ground invasion. Just a massive bombing campaign.
Unfortunately for Joe the remarks didn't go down too well, least of all with the chairman of the Connecticut for Lieberman party, which has, amusingly, asked him to
resign from the party forthwith.
The Connecticut for Lieberman Chair, Dr. John Orman, called for Lieberman's resignation saying that he "crossed the line" and "no longer represents the views of the citizens of Connecticut."
To be fair, the Connecticut for Lieberman Party, under which Joe represents the people of Connecticut, is run by one of the senator's opponents. But that kinda says it all, doesn't it. The guy thinks we can control Iran if we just give it a good bombing, yet he can't even control his own tiny political party. What a joke.
Rudy Giuliani If you liked the Bush administration's corruption, lies, and idiotic decision-making, you're going to
love the Giulani adminstration! Last week Rudy Giuliani appeared on Bloomberg TV and announced that Our Great Leader's Manly Surge simply isn't manly enough. What we really need in Iraq right now is a
super-surge.
According to Think Progress:
Bloomberg host Peter Cook asked Giuliani, "If General Petraeus comes back in September and says, we can win this thing, but it's going to take more U.S. troops, could you support the notion of adding even more U.S. troops to Iraq?"
Giuliani said he could support escalating Bush's escalation, provided Petraeus believed he "need(ed) more troops to make it work in order to get Iraq to a situation where Iraq is stable."
When Cook noted that many Americans would strongly oppose such a plan, Giuliani said, "Hey, you know, leadership is about sometimes doing the things you know are right."
Makes sense I suppose. I mean, when all those firefighters died on 9/11 carrying defective radio equipment that the Giulani administration had
refused to replace, and then the decision was made to
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17538483/">abandon the search for their bodies once the Bank of Nova Scotia's gold had been found, and then the decision was made to use the remains from Ground Zero to
fill potholes in New York City, and then all those first responders started getting sick because
some idiot told them that the air was "safe and acceptable," well,
that was all stuff that many Americans thought was really, really fucking stupid.
But I guess sometimes leadership is about doing the things you know are right.
Rudy Giuliani As well as being a complete moron, Rudy Giuliani is also a student of history - and his great knowledge was on display last week when he told Sean Hannity that Americans are being lulled into a false sense of security and want to "kind of act the way Clinton did in the '90s." He continued, "You know, we get attacked on the Cole. We don't do anything about it."
Well played, sir! A completely misleading statement with a generous dash of ignorant hypocrisy thrown in for good measure!
According to Think Progress:
In fact, President Clinton was eager - at the recommendation of his counterterrorism chief Richard Clarke - to retaliate against al Qaeda for the U.S.S. Cole. But that attack took place in October 2000. As Clinton explained in a 2006 interview, both the CIA and FBI "refused to certify that it was Bin Laden was responsible" for the attack on the Cole until early 2001 which foreclosed on the possibility of a full response during the Clinton administration.
Want more? How about some
details from the 9/11 Commmission Report that Rudy obviously hasn't read?
Attention to Terrorism: Clinton Administration
P 174: President Clinton "deeply concerned" about Osama Bin Ladin.
P 101: President Clinton makes chemical, biological, and nuclear terrorism a priority.
P 109: Clinton Administration establishes "the Bin Ladin unit."
P 358: Clinton Administration's management of the last weeks of December 1999 was "the one period in which the government as a whole seemed to be acting in concert to deal with terrorism."
P 487: Clinton Administration successful in arresting al Qaeda members.
P 457: Richard Clarke runs exercise where terrorists use plane for suicide mission.
Attention to Terrorism: Bush Administration
P 202: Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and his deputy Paul Wolfowitz argued against retaliation for the bombing of the USS Cole, saying the issue was "stale"
P 208: President Bush neglected to fill the key counterterrorism policy office in the Pentagon after the former official departed January 20.
P 201: Richard Clarke submits memo to Condoleezza Rice saying "we urgently need... a Principals level review on the al Qida network."
P 201: No Principals Committee meeting on al Qaeda held until September 4, 2001.
P 203: Principals Committee meetings on Iraq and Sudan before one on al Qaeda.
P 509: Bush administration holds 32 Principals Committee meetings on subjects other than al Qaeda before 9/11.
P 200: Rice downgrades the Counterterrorism Security Group.
P 197: December 2000 "Blue Sky" memo on terrorism urges increased support to Northern Alliance and Uzbeks to fight Taliban and al Qaeda.
P 202: White House postpones aid to Northern Alliance and Uzbeks.
See? Bill Clinton didn't do anything, and George W. Bush was awesome.
Still don't believe me? Then just listen to the
words of Rudy Giuliani himself, as he recalled the moments after his escape from Ground Zero on September 11, 2001, right around the time that the Bush administration's previous nine months of excellent counter-terrorism work came to a head:
Without really thinking, based on just emotion, spontaneous, I grabbed the arm of then-Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik, and I said to him, "Bernie, thank God George Bush is our president."
Homophobes One of the favorite arguments made by opponents of gay marriage is the slippery slope argument - that allowing a loving couple of the same gender to marry could soon drive people to hot
man on dog - or even hot
man on box turtle - action.
Or worse, polygamy. Take this excerpt from a 2003
Weekly Standard article, for example:
After gay marriage, what will become of marriage itself? Will same-sex matrimony extend marriage's stabilizing effects to homosexuals? Will gay marriage undermine family life? A lot is riding on the answers to these questions.
(snip)
Among the likeliest effects of gay marriage is to take us down a slippery slope to legalized polygamy and "polyamory" (group marriage). Marriage will be transformed into a variety of relationship contracts, linking two, three, or more individuals (however weakly and temporarily) in every conceivable combination of male and female. A scare scenario? Hardly.
Well I'm afraid I have some bad news for the
Weekly Standard - it seems that we've already arrived at the bottom of the slippery slope.
According to Reuters:
Polygamy, once hidden in the shadows of Utah and Arizona, is breaking into the open as fundamentalist Mormons push to decriminalize it on religious grounds, while at the same time stamping out abuses such as forced marriages of underage brides.
(snip)
The attorneys general of Utah and Arizona said in separate interviews they had no intention of prosecuting polygamists unless they commit other crimes such as taking underage brides -- a practice authorities said was rampant in a Utah-Arizona border community run by Warren Jeffs before his arrest in August.
"We are not going to go out there and persecute people for their beliefs," said Arizona Attorney General Terry Goddard.
Tsk, I blame the gays. See, if they weren't allowed to get married, this would never have happened.
Oh wait, they're not allowed to get married.
Bradley Schlozmann The massive politicization of the Justice Department undertaken on George W. Bush's watch wasn't simply restricted to the small circle of Justice Department and White House officials surrounding Alberto Gonzales and Karl Rove - last week Bradley Schlozman, the former senior political appointee in the Civil Rights Division, appeared before the Senate Judiciary Committee and, well,
took a beating.
According to a complaint sent to the Justice Department's inspector general in 2005 by a Department lawyer, Schlozman allegedly attempted to rid the Civil Rights Division of "minority women lawyers" and replace them with "white, invariably Christian men."
Replacing the Civil Rights Division's minority women lawyers with white Christian men? On the Bush administration's watch? Surely not!
But you see, Schlozman had a good reason. According to the complaint, he "told one recently hired attorney that it was his intention to drive these attorneys out of the Appellate Section so that he could replace them with 'good Americans.'"
Pretty much says everything you need to know about the Bush adminstration, doesn't it?
Andrew Ferguson A recent
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/06/08/AR2007060802470.html">article by Andrew Ferguson in the
Washington Post's Outlook section dissed Al Gore's new book
The Assault On Reason for a rather odd reason:
You can't really blame Al Gore for not using footnotes in his new book, "The Assault on Reason." It's a sprawling, untidy blast of indignation, and annotating it with footnotes would be like trying to slip rubber bands around a puddle of quicksilver. Still, I'd love to know where he found the scary quote from Abraham Lincoln that he uses on page 88.
Ferguson goes on to complain that the quote in question was probably made up, and Gore must have gotten it from "liberal bloggers."
Let's be clear: it's true that the quote is falsely attributed to Lincoln. But apparently Ferguson was so enthusiastic about his "gotcha!" moment that he forgot to finish reading the book.
According to the Daily Howler:
Ferguson said he'd love to know where Gore found his Lincoln quote - but, since Gore's untidy puddle of a book lacks footnotes, he just couldn't figure it out. But good lord! Gore's book has twenty pages of end-notes - including an endnote that plainly explains the source of that page 88 Lincoln quote. The quotation comes from The Lincoln Encyclopedia, a 1950 Mcmillan compilation, edited by Archer Shaw. Yes, readers, that's where Gore "found the quote." It says so right in his book.
But you can't really blame Andrew Ferguson for not bothering to finish the book before slamming it in his smug article. It's a sprawling, untidy blast of indignation, and doing proper research would have meant turning down that fourth lunchtime martini before dashing back to the office to beat his deadline. Still, I'd love to know how he managed to get a job at the
Washington Post.
Chris Matthews And finally, what could you do with an hour-long, five-days-a-week cable news show all to yourself? No doubt a lot more than Chris Matthews, who has spent the last several months airing fascinating daily segments on the latest news from the Hillary Clinton campaign. Yes, if you want to know how Hillary is wearing her hair or what color her suit is, "Hardball" is the place to be.
But Matthews' deep political insight isn't just confined to the discussion of Hillary Clinton, he can be equally lame when it comes to the male candidates - with one important difference. In Matthews' eyes, Hillary's personal attributes are an indication of her cold and calculating nature, whereas the personal attributes of the Republican candidates always tend to be an indication of great integrity and courage. Take the show from last week, where
according to the transcript on Think Progress, Matthews actually contemplated the gravitas of Fred Thompson's odor:
Does (Fred Thompson) have sex appeal? ... Gene, do you think there's a sex appeal for this guy, this sort of mature, older man, you know? ... Can you smell the English leather on this guy, the Aqua Velva, the sort of mature man's shaving cream, or whatever, you know, after he shaved? Do you smell that sort of - a little bit of cigar smoke? You know, whatever.
Easy! Down boy! I haven't seen Matthews this excited since George W. Bush landed on the aircraft carrier dressed as a fighter pilot.
Lest we forget:
MATTHEWS: What do you make of the actual visual that people will see on TV and probably, as you know, as well as I, will remember a lot longer than words spoken tonight? And that's the president looking very much like a jet, you know, a high-flying jet star. A guy who is a jet pilot. Has been in the past when he was younger, obviously. What does that image mean to the American people, a guy who can actually get into a supersonic plane and actually fly in an unpressurized cabin like an actual jet pilot?
(snip)
We're proud of our president. Americans love having a guy as president, a guy who has a little swagger, who's physical, who's not a complicated guy like Clinton or even like Dukakis or Mondale, all those guys, McGovern. They want a guy who's president. Women like a guy who's president. Check it out. The women like this war. I think we like having a hero as our president.
Er, right.
Still, this gives me an idea. If Fred Thompson
doesn't run for president, Aqua Velva could always hire him for their new ad campaign...
See you next week!
-- EarlG