Beat the Devil

[Daveparts]

Beat the Devil
By David Glenn Cox



Hi friends and welcome to beat the devil, the fun fast paced game show to help you, beat he devil! I’m your host Bear Lee Conscious lets meet our contestants.

He was an oilman in Texas, he specialized in drilling dry holes, he flew combat missions over Houston before being sidelined by a cocaine-related injury that forced him to disappear. He’s America’s 43rd President because they courts say so.
Let’s have a nice round of applause for George W. Bush.

“Mr. Bush it’s nice to have you with us tonight as a contestant on beat the Devil.”

“Thank you Larry it’s a pleasure to be here.”

Our second contestant is a politician who entered politics the old fashion way she married into it. Her outspokenness has won her friends and made her enemies of the same people give it up for Hilary Clinton!

“Thank You Bear Lee it’s a pleasure to be here tonight as you know we have many challenges that face us today in America and my candidacy is about facing those challenges”

“Thank you Mrs. Clinton but lets move along and introduce contestant number three! He’s been called a strong man, a dictator and a new Hitler let’s have a nice hand for the lawfully elected President of Venezuela Hugo Chavez!”

Bzzz, “Yes Mr. Bush?”

“I said that Larry, that he was a dictator and a new Hitler.”

“Yes we know Mr. Bush,”

“Do I get points for that?”

“No, we haven’t started playing the game yet sir.”

“President Chavez it’s a pleasure to have you here with us tonight”

“Thank you Mr. Conscious, this is a game show? I thought we were going to beat the devil? I mean I smelled him at the UN and I smell him again here tonight!”

“Pssst, Hilary he’s ripping on somebody good,”

“He’s talking about you George!”

“He is? Oh, he is what?”

“Alright contestants in our first round of beat the devil is famous quotes, name the author of the famous quote for 50 points. Question number one, “One small step for man and” Bzzz!

“Yes Mr. Bush, Larry Craig said that!”

“No I’m sorry, that’s incorrect, let me finish the quote before buzzing in. One small step for man one giant leap for mankind, Bzzz.

“Yes, Mrs. Clinton,”

Bear Lee, we have for too many years taken only small steps and my administration will be about not just small steps but changing the direction of those steps with a corporate sponsorship.”

“But Mrs. Clinton do you know who said that?”

“I did, Bear Lee didn’t you hear me? I will be happy to repeat it for you, I’ve got them all memorized.”

“President Chavez would you like to take a stab at the question?”

Bzzz, “Yes Mr. Bush?”

“Larry I have issued an executive order doubling the tax rate for game show production companies. I have also instructed the attorney General and the IRS to investigate possible tax fraud. Now don’t you think you should ask the judges again if I’m not entitled to the 50 points?”

Bzzz, That’s not fair Bare Lee! In a Hillary Clinton administration fairness would be a hallmark. I would remove the cronies and Wall Street guru’s and replace them with my own cronies and Wall Street guru’s.

“Well Mrs. Clinton, please understand the judges were shown a Fox news transcript where Larry Craig did indeed say that. You can catch up on the next question, who said the following, “I did not have sex with that woman.”

“Oh, Oh,” Bzzz, “Me, me, me,”

“Yes Mr. Bush,”
“Larry Craig said that!”

“No, I’m sorry that’s not the answer we were looking for.”

Bzzz, “Yes, Mrs. Clinton?”

“Bear Lee that would be my own sweet husband Bill and it’s important to remember that fidelity would be a hallmark of a Hillary Clinton Presidency. We would control corporate corruption by working closely with them like with health care we can develop a program that helps everyone, the government the insurance companies and even me!”

Bzzz, “Yes, President Chavez?”

“While we are on the subject of stepping on toes, I want the imperialist’s in the room to stop trying to destabilize my government.

“Mrs. Clinton wins the points and is tied with Mr. Bush at fifty and Mrs. Clinton at fifty and Mr. Chavez with zero.

Bzzz, “Yes Mr. Bush, I have instructed the attorney General to take my plea for immediate relief to the Supreme Court seeking relief in the case of Bush v. Beat the Devil as the question was not properly explained.

“Be that as it may Mr. Bush lets move on, who said, “Don’t tase me Bro”

Bzzz, “Yes, Mr. Bush.”

“That would be your judges if you don’t give me those points.”

Bzzz, “Yes Mrs. Clinton,”

“I think it’s important to stand up for academic freedom in a Hillary Clinton administration I’ll stand up for academic freedom by ignoring questions I don’t like and by working with the media to make sure unpleasant questions are never asked of our public officials”

Ding, ding, ding, ding “That bell means it’s time for the bonus question worth 100 points, What Democratic candidate for President said the following. “I think America needs a single payer national health insurance plan and I think the war in Iraq was a mistake and we should bring our troops home immediately.”

“30 seconds contestants, anybody?”

Bzzz, “Mr. Chavez?”

“You don’t have national health care and you call yourself a civilized country?”

Bzzz, “Yes, Mr. Bush what is the correct answer?”

“Larry, I don’t know who said it, it could have been anybody.”

“I’m sorry, the correct answer was Dennis Kucinich.”

“Who?”

“Dennis Kucinich Mrs. Clinton?”

“Are you sure he’s a candidate? I’ve been to all the corporate fund raisers and I’ve never seen him there.”

Bzzz, “Yes Mr. Bush”

“Would that Dennis what’s his name be considered anybody?”

“Why yes, I suppose he would,”

“Then I win, I said anybody”

“But Mr. Bush we were looking for and exact name,”

“Larry I got a name for you, Blackwater security and they got your address and you kinda look like and enemy combatant. Damn shame about all the incriminating evidence they’re going to find out about you.”

“Our judges have decided that anybody is a correct answer! And Mr. Bush wins with 150 points.”

Bzzz, “Yes, Mr. Chavez,”

“This game is fixed, Bush has lied and cheated on every question and yet you call him the winner. This is shameful, why do you call this game beat the devil?”

Bzzz, “Mrs. Clinton,”

“You know Bear Lee fairness is important in the corporate environment and in a Hillary Clinton administration I will see to it that everyone is treated fairly. Corporations, Wall Street, military contractors even military dictators will be treated fairly in my administration.”

Bzzz, “Mr. Chavez?”

“This is insanity, this game is crooked and you can’t win, this one lies and cheats and this one says anything. Why do you call this game beat the devil?”

Because Mr. Chavez, this is American politics, we say lots of things we don’t mean. Like Democracy, Court rulings, crooked ballots, free and fair elections. Public meetings with armed guards, free speech zones and arrested war mothers. Diplomacy as the opening salvo of war about name calling and demonizing everyone who disagrees with us.

Of course the game is fixed you can’t beat the devil, to get ahead in American politics you must work with him and become him and be just like him for he is our king! That’s all we have time for today so join us again tomorrow when our guests will be Sean Penn, Cindy Sheehan and Bill Mahr as they try to Beat the devil! Please note, episode may be preempted by breaking news of missing white girls.