The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 310

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The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 310

Edited on Sun Oct-14-07 11:31 PM by EarlG

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 310

October 15, 2007
Won't Somebody Think Of The Children? Edition

This week Sick Wingnuts (1) team up to trash a 12-year-old boy, Ann Coulter (3) and Tucker Carlson (4) give some fine examples of what passes for conservative thinking these days, and The Bush Administration (6) screws up the war on terror - again. Enjoy, and don't forget the key!

Sick Wingnuts

Last week I noted that George W. Bush had vetoed an expansion to the S-CHIP program, preventing 3.4 million children of the working poor from joining the ranks of the medically insured. What a giant asshole.

Unfortunately it turns out that Bush's asshole-ishness was merely a precursor to what was to come from the right-wing blogosphere the following week. In order to make a point about Bush's veto, the Democrats enlisted 12-year-old Graeme Frost to present their weekly radio address. Graeme and his sister were both seriously injured in a 2004 car accident, and without the SCHIP program they may not have survived. "Most kids my age probably haven't heard of CHIP, the Children's Health Insurance Program," said Graeme during the address. "But I know all about it, because if it weren't for CHIP, I might not be here today. ... I just hope the President will listen to my story and help other kids to be as lucky as me."

Graeme and his sister qualified for S-CHIP because, according to Paul Krugman:

The parents have a combined income of about $45,000, and don't receive health insurance from employers. When they looked into buying insurance on their own before the accident, they found that it would cost $1,200 a month - a prohibitive sum given their income. After the accident, when their children needed expensive care, they couldn't get insurance at any price.

Fortunately, they received help from Maryland's S-chip program. The state has relatively restrictive rules for eligibility: children must come from a family with an income under 200 percent of the poverty line. For families with four children that's $55,220, so the Frosts clearly qualified.

And that's where it would have ended, if not for a secret call from Wingnut Headquarters...

WINGNUT HQ: Calling all bloggers. Calling all bloggers.

WINGNUT BLOGGERS: Receiving you loud and clear.

WINGNUT HQ: Emergency. Emergency. A 12-year-old boy is threatening Our Great Leader's legacy.

WINGNUT BLOGGERS: What are your instructions?

WINGNUT HQ: We want you to beat up on this boy, accuse his family of lying, poke around in their trash and pretend they're welfare queens, and post their home address online, opening them up to threats and intimidation from your readers.

WINGNUT BLOGGERS: We hear and obey, headquarters. But what's in it for us?

WINGNUT HQ: He was in a coma. One of his vocal cords is paralyzed. He reqires physical therapy to this day. His sister has even worse brain injuries than he does.

WINGNUT BLOGGERS: Oh, why didn't you say so? In that case we'll do it for free.

And so they did - accusing the Frosts of living in an affluent neighborhood (they bought their house 17 years ago for $55,000), sending their kids to an expensive private school (they have scholarships and pay $500 a year), living the high life while suckling at the teat of the nanny state (their annual income for two adults and four children is $45,000), and, yes, posting their home address online.

Take that, 12-year-old disabled boy! Not so easy to pull yourself up by the bootstraps when you've got Rush Limbaugh holding your arms behind your back and Michelle Malkin punching you in the stomach, is it?

Mitch McConnell

By the way, I'm not joking about Wingnut Headquarters. According to Think Progress:

ThinkProgress has obtained an email that congressional sources tell us was sent to reporters by Sen. McConnell's communications director Don Stewart.

On Monday morning, Don Stewart sent an email with the following text to reporters:

Seen the latest blogswarm? Apparently, there's more to the story on the kid (Graeme Frost) that did the Dems' radio response on SCHIP. Bloggers have done a little digging and turned up that the Dad owns his own business (and the building it's in), seems to have some commercial rental income and Graeme and a sister go to a private school that, according to its website, costs about $20k a year for each kid despite the news profiles reporting a family income of only $45k for the Frosts. Could the Dems really have done that bad of a job vetting this family?

In the email, Stewart attacks Democrats for allegedly doing a bad job "vetting this family." That effort to blame Democrats for the smear campaign seems to have swayed some reporters, as CNN this morning claimed that the real story is that "the Democrats didn't do as much of a vetting as they could have done."

The New York Times reported yesterday that "an aide" to Sen. McConnell "expressed relief that his office had not issued a press release criticizing the Frosts." No, what the McConnell staffer did was worse - he used the power and privilege of the Senate office to secretly propagate a baseless smear campaign against a 12-year old boy and his family simply because they disagreed on policy.

Sick, sick bastards.

Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter has another new book out, which means everyone has to suffer through two weeks of foul-mouthed bigotry while the mainstream media pretends that she's actually got something valid to say. Huzzah. Let's see who's on Ann's hit list this time.

Women

Despite allegedly being one, Ann thinks that women are the root of all evil. Two weeks ago she told New York Observer reporter George Gurley that, "If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president." Apparently this is a "pipe dream" of hers. Presumably the pipe in question is the one she uses to smoke crack.

Foreigners

In her new book, Ann refers to Arabs as "camel jockeys." Two weeks ago she defended this charming ethnic slur to Alan Colmes, noting that "We have sure moved away from the day when we called them Krauts and Nips." Oh, how she longs for those golden and racist days of yore.

Hillary Clinton

Ann doesn't want Hillary Clinton to become president, because, as she told Sean Hannity last week, "I do not want to be fitted for a burqa." Er, that doesn't even make sense.

Jews

According to Ann, America would be a better place if everyone were Christian. And sorry Jews - that means you need to be "perfected." In case you're wondering what that means, Anne's got a train ticket here for you, just stick this yellow star on your sleeve and someone will be round to pick up your belongings later.

So there you have it. Buy Ann Coulter's new book today. Prices are dropping fast, so hurry before it's only available for one cent through some dubious conservative mail order bookstore.

Tucker Carlson

But let's get real - it's not Ann Coulter we need to be worried about, oh no. In fact the most dangerous person in the country today could be Barack Obama. Why? According to the Wall Street Journal:

A noisy crowd of thousands gathered in an open field here one Sunday recently, listening to rapper Kanye West's "Stronger" blaring from speakers, and waiting for six Democratic presidential hopefuls to take the stage.

Lyse Perrigo, a suburban Des Moines high-school senior, had been here before. A few months ago, the 17-year-old stood in the same spot, rocking out to the music of Papa Roach and Saliva, two of her favorite bands.

(snip)

Ms. Perrigo, whose birthday is in April, will still be 17 when the January caucus takes place. But because of a quirk in Iowa election law, she'll be able to participate anyway since she will have turned 18 by the November election. She doesn't even need to be registered to vote ahead of time; she simply has to show up with proof that she'll be eligible to cast a ballot come fall.

(snip)

"Many of you can caucus in Iowa," Mr. Obama told scores of high-school students, via conference call, from around the state last month for the kickoff of the weekly "BarackStar" nights held for teens at the campaign's 31 field offices. "I hope you realize how much power you have, potentially, to change the world."

During an appearance on MSNBC, Bill Press noted that this was a "brilliant strategy."

In Iowa, they're allowed to participate in the caucus ... in January, even though they're not old enough to vote because they will vote in November. So, this is a whole new pool of new voters. And if anybody can appeal to them, get them excited and get them involved in politics and in his campaign, it's Barack Obama.

But not so fast, Mr. Press! Tucker Carlson has other ideas. In fact, he finds the idea of reaching out to young people to be "creepy," "scary," and "creepy as hell." And not only that, but "there's a Khmer Rouge quality to it."

Er, yes, I guess I can see how Barack Obama's effort to reach out to young voters is almost exactly the same as Pol Pot murdering two million Cambodians.

Blackwater

In Idiots 309 I noted that Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Naturally) had been out and about defending the mercenaries of Blackwater after they allegedly massacred 17 Iraqi civilians. Issa argued that an attack on Blackwater is essentially an attack on General Bringing Sexy Back Petraeus, and obviously we can't have that.

I wonder how Issa feels about Blackwater after this news was reported last week?

The colonel was furious. "Can you believe it? They actually drew their weapons on U.S. soldiers." He was describing a 2006 car accident, in which an SUV full of Blackwater operatives had crashed into a U.S. Army Humvee on a street in Baghdad's Green Zone. The colonel, who was involved in a follow-up investigation and spoke on the condition he not be named, said the Blackwater guards disarmed the U.S. Army soldiers and made them lie on the ground at gunpoint until they could disentangle the SUV.

No, wait, don't tell me... wondering whether mercenaries should go around disarming U.S. soldiers and making them lie on the ground at gunpoint is an attack on General Petraeus.

The Bush Adminstration

The Bush administration has shed many top staffers this past year, but don't worry - the culture of arrogance and incompetence is still alive and well in the nation's capital. According to a report last week in the Washington Post:

A small private intelligence company that monitors Islamic terrorist groups obtained a new Osama bin Laden video ahead of its official release last month, and around 10 a.m. on Sept. 7, it notified the Bush administration of its secret acquisition. It gave two senior officials access on the condition that the officials not reveal they had it until the al-Qaeda release.

Within 20 minutes, a range of intelligence agencies had begun downloading it from the company's Web site. By midafternoon that day, the video and a transcript of its audio track had been leaked from within the Bush administration to cable television news and broadcast worldwide.

The founder of the company, the SITE Intelligence Group, says this premature disclosure tipped al-Qaeda to a security breach and destroyed a years-long surveillance operation that the company has used to intercept and pass along secret messages, videos and advance warnings of suicide bombings from the terrorist group's communications network.

"Techniques that took years to develop are now ineffective and worthless," said Rita Katz, the firm's 44-year-old founder.

It's okay though because:

The Bush administration on Tuesday denied leaking an Osama bin Laden video obtained by a private terrorism monitoring group which said the leak had exposed its surveillance methods and potentially closed a window on al Qaeda.

So there's nothing to worry about. How's that http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20071008/ts_nm/britain_iraq_afghanistan_dc">war on terror going anyway?

Six years after the September 11 attacks in the United States, the "war on terror" is failing and instead fueling an increase in support for extremist Islamist movements, a British think-tank said on Monday.

A report by the Oxford Research Group (ORG) said a "fundamental re-think is required" if the global terrorist network is to be rendered ineffective.

"If the al Qaeda movement is to be countered, then the roots of its support must be understood and systematically undercut," said Paul Rogers, the report's author and professor of global peace studies at Bradford University in northern England.

"Combined with conventional policing and security measures, al Qaeda can be contained and minimized but this will require a change in policy at every level."

He described the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq as a "disastrous mistake" which had helped establish a "most valued jihadist combat training zone" for al Qaeda supporters.

I see.

Rudy Giuliani

So how long do you think it's going to be before Rudy tries to pretend that he never knew Bernie Kerik?

Given that...

Bernard Kerik's legal nightmare is about to get worse, with federal prosecutors expected to file charges against the former police commissioner that will likely include allegations of bribery, tax fraud and obstruction of justice, the Daily News has learned.

The indictment, expected next month, could prove to be an embarrassing obstacle for Kerik's former mentor Rudy Giuliani, who is cruising at the top of the polls heading into the presidential primary gauntlet.

The bribery allegations against Kerik stem from a secret meeting at a bar in Tribeca, according to two sources familiar with the federal probe.

(snip)

The indictment will have direct implications for Giuliani, the sources said.

For one, another Giuliani commissioner and a top inspector general during Giuliani's years as mayor will be called as witnesses to describe the secret meeting in Tribeca.

So I guess Rudy likes to pal around with folks who've been accused of dealing cocaine, molesting children, and now bribery, tax fraud and obstruction of justice. Now, you may be wondering why the mainstream media isn't talking about this, given that Giuliani is currently the Republican front runner. Well the answer is quite simple: he's a GOP presidential candidate. Of COURSE his friends are coke dealers, child molesters, and gangsters. You were expecting something else?

Joey DiFatta

And Joey DiFatta makes three... hot on the heels of Sen. Larry Craig and State Rep. Bob Allen (see Idiots passim), Joey DiFatta is the latest Republican to be caught with his pants halfway down. Although DiFatta's restroom escapades took place a few years ago, they only recently came to light. According to the Alaska Report:

Republican Councilman Joey DiFatta, who on Thursday withdrew from his Senate campaign, has been stopped twice since 1996 for suspicion of engaging in lewd behavior in public restrooms in Jefferson Parish, reports The Times-Picayune.

In one police report it shows that DiFatta was watching "a man use the bathroom while peering through a hole in a bathroom stall." Another says "DiFatta slid his foot into the deputy's stall and tapped the deputy's foot."

And according to the Times-Picayune:

The report said DiFatta slid his foot into the deputy's stall and tapped the deputy's foot. In the report, Conley noted that such activity is common among men to indicate a willingness to participate in sex.

He was tapping his foot in a public bathroom? Come on now, you can't arrest someone for that! Surely he just has a "wide stance" and merely "bumped" the deputy's foot by accident.

The deputy inside the stall, Detective Wayne Couvillion, responded by tapping his foot, and DiFatta reached under the partition and began to rub the deputy's leg, the report states.

I still don't get it! Surely DiFatta was just bending down to pick up some paper from the floor of the stall, and in the process his hand accidentally went under the partition and brushed against the deputy. What's the big deal?

The detective asked DiFatta, "What do you want?" according to the report, and he replied, "I want to play with you."

Oh... right.

Robert Novak

Bob Novak has been pretty quiet since his drunken bullshit explosion was featured all the way back in Idiots 209 - sure, he was the guy who outed CIA agent Valerie Plame, which eventually resulted in Scooter Libby's conviction for perjury and obstruction of justice - but that story featured such a large and interesting cast of characters that the crusty old scribbler was frequently overlooked in this column.

But Bob's back this week, after an appearance before the Society of Professional Journalists. (Why Novak qualifies to speak before this organization I have no idea, but there you go.) Novak proceeded to inform the audience that "Joe Wilson did not forcefully object to the naming of his CIA operative wife, Valerie Plame Wilson, when Novak spoke to him prior to the publication of a column that sparked a federal investigation," according to The Hill.

Funnily enough, Joe Wilson found Novak's compelling explanation to differ just slightly from the facts. He responded to Novak last week, saying:

"I hope he's going to confession, because if not he's surely going to Hell for his lies. ... It is a compromise of my family's personal responsibility and safety ... not to mention treasonous."

Hmm. Tell me again why Novak was appearing at the Society of Professional Journalists?

Fred Thompson

And finally, great news for the GOP - at the Republican presidential debate in Michigan last week it was revealed that - at long last - they have a non-white candidate!

Fred Thompson, breaking new ground as the first Oompa-Loompa to run for president.

And One Last Thing Before I Go...

Hey wingnuts! Our guy just won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Your guy can barely tuck his shirt in.

See you next week!

-- EarlG