UK Guardian: Never mind the war, look at the tits

[T_i_B]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,3604,1145414,00.html

So now I finally have a proper grasp of what's important in modern life. And mainly it's tits - big tits, cheap tits, posh tits, Germans pan-frying tits with their consent, plastic tits, real tits, squint tits, famous tits and the unfortunate tits of strangers. If I'd known how fascinating tits were I'd have spent quality time with mine much more often. But if tits don't do it for you, I've seen more arses in these last weeks than I would have if I worked on an arse farm. Why do arses matter? Well, I'm still unsure, but I think it's because you can siphon the fat up out of them, then inject it back into your face.

Never mind the rollingshite news channels and their inability to notice when EVIL IRAQI DEATH DRONES WILL RAIN HORROR ON AMERICA IN MINUTES turns seamlessly into "WMD-related programme activities". They're just really happy that Mr Bliar - in all good faith, with an open and Christian heart and not a naughty thought in his head - accepted and promoted "intelligence" that professionals were loudly finding laughable long before the first coalition cluster bomb liberated the first Iraqi child's fingers.

Because I am now completely up to speed on the vital issues of the day. Is your sofa new enough? Are your teeth white enough? Is there enough fat in your arse to inflate your head in case of emergency? And are you spending enough? Because if you're only spending what you've got, that's not enough - you need to be IN DEBT. Not just a little bit overdrawn, I mean proper, wake up screaming, selling your underwear, Russian roulette in Soho basements to win back your kidneys debt.

Because we're going all out to reproduce the US economic miracle and you must play your part. Bush lowered interest rates, cut taxes for the super rich, slashed social programmes and solved his nation's problems. Cataclysmic borrowing, soaring unemployment and homelessness, soup kitchens, bankruptcy, increased racial segregation and collapsing access to medical care and education are all signs of a healthy economy; and Gordon Brown is so confident that Britain will thrive just as spiffingly under a Bush-style regime that he nobly helped keep the PM in place, ensuring Tony will be in charge when the arse fat hits the fan.

[burrowowl]

1. LOL

However, sad but true.

[Judi Lynn]

2. Grimly satisfying observations, Thankfully_in_Britain. Thanks a lot. n/t

[ixion]

3. whew... now there's a fine bit of biting sarcasm

thanks for posting!

[hatrack]

4. God bless the Guardian!

Thanks, TIB! This is screamingly funny and devastatingly true!! ;-)