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March 13, 2004 OP-ED CONTRIBUTOR The Pundit on the Desktop By MIKE MORTON and SABRA MORTON Ars Magna, the software program that always answers in anagrams, has been giving some thought to the presidential election. When we say senator, for instance, it replies treason; and if we ask it about tax policies, it comes back with axe politics. Recently, we settled in for an interview about the 2004 presidential race:
So, Ars, the next big political event will be the Democratic convention. What do you think the party really wants? To intervene; chad not comic.
How will the convention respond to the Massachusetts senator? Chorus: Statesman! Asset!
Do you personally have an opinion about Senator John Kerry? John? Ornery streak.
The Republicans are attacking Senator Kerry now for changing his mind about important issues. He criticizes the administration's Iraq policy, yet just a year ago he voted to go to war in the Gulf again. Gather in awful gain.
As you may know, Senator Kerry has been called a Boston brahmin. O, man! Birth snob!
What can his so-called Band of Brothers — Vietnam veterans — offer him? Net verve, stamina.
Let's turn to the Republican National Convention. What might be its message to the country? Continual privation can ennoble.
And what will President George W. Bush say to his party? Whee! Progress in budget!
Do you agree? Progress? Huge new debit!
The president once billed himself as a compassionate conservative. How do you interpret that now? Conspire to save a vast income.
Mr. Bush assures us the economy will turn around soon, and Fed Chairman Greenspan — Spending framer an ache!
It seems you don't like the chairman's proposal for Social Security and Medicare cuts. Edit care? Scum!
Later in the year, we'll have the Bush-Kerry debates. What should we expect? Test, hey? Bash, drub. Reek.
Do you think Ralph Nader should be allowed to take part in the presidential debates? Despise alternate bid!
It appears the Republicans' big issue will be national security. What do you think of the Patriot Act? A pathetic tort.
As for the Democrats, they'll keep raising the Florida debacle of 2000. We've read that some states will use the touchscreen voting machine. Do you worry that it might skew the outcome? Oh, much concern! Investigate!
Mike Morton is a software engineer. Sabra Morton is a writer.
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