The Christmas Pig: a cautionary tail of greed, avarice and ham
Dedicated to Jimmy, Tom and Cait (Moo) Hall with love.
with apologies to butchers and pigs everywhere…..
The Christmas Pig Song
Oh the Christmas pig, the Christmas pig,
He squeals a bit, he does a jig.
He lives in the bush, his name is Pete,
He magics up gifts and food to eat.
He has three legs (this song’s a sham),
Because one of his legs becomes a ham.
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago there lived a little pig called Pete. The little pig lived with his mother and father and his little sisters and brothers in a cosy pig sty near the edge of the bush. One day Pete was out in the bush happily snuffling through the leaves looking for food when he heard a strange sound.
He stood very still with his piggy ears pricked and listened - there was a crackling and a rustling in the leaves and all of a sudden out of the scrub hopped a giant kangaroo.
The little pig squealed like a …well….. Ned Beatty on a canoe trip, jumped backwards, and landed in a big pink piggy heap, with his little piggy legs all aquiver.
Kev, the big red kangaroo, laughed like a drain at the quivering mess of pig: ‘Ho Ho Ho - what have we here?’ Kev helped Pete search for food and told Pete that he was A Very Special Pig. But Pete replied: ‘I am just a poor humble pig - I am not special at all’.
And Kev boomed: ‘you, my lad, are destined for greatness – I predict that one day all across the earth little children will speak your name with awe, sings songs about you, they will have graven images of you in their houses, you will be a Very Important Part of their feast day and they will call you…… The Christmas Pig’.
‘But why?’ said Pete.
‘Ahhhh’ said Kev, ‘it is a story of Mystery and Adventure. When you leave the bush today you will find a magic rectangular rock and you will be able to call forth great miracles and surprises. You will be able to use this magic rock to buy food and treats and gifts for all your family and friends and when they are gone you will be able to use it again and again to buy more and more and more.
And one day everyone on earth will be able to have a special Christmas pig magic rock with which they can buy endless quantities of food and treats and gifts. People will be so excited about the magic rocks that a special day will be dedicated to you where everybody can use their Christmas Pig magical rocks to buy enormous quantities of expensive food and gifts that nobody really wants or needs. They will call this day Christmas – after you - Pete the Christmas Pig who started it all’.
Pete thought that the magical rectangular rock sounded like a Very Inspired Spending Acquisition. (VISA)
http://paulahewitt.wordpress.com/2008/12/21/the-christmas-pig-a-cautionary-tail-of-greed-avarice-and-ham/This is very clever and it has cute pictures. I give it a A.
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