Married With Bankruptcy

[babylonsister]

This is depressing.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/29/opinion/29cherlin.html?ref=opinion

Married With Bankruptcy

By ANDREW J. CHERLIN
Published: May 28, 2009

snip//

Today, given the job losses of the past year, fewer unhappy couples will risk starting separate households. Furthermore, the housing market meltdown will make it more difficult for them to finance their separations by selling their homes.

After financial disasters (and natural ones as well) family members also tend to do whatever they can to help each other and their communities. In a 1940 book, “The Unemployed Man and His Family,” the sociologist Mirra Komarovsky described a family in which the husband initially reacted to losing his job “with tireless search for work.” He was always active, looking for odd jobs or washing windows for neighbors. Another unemployed man initially enjoyed spending more time with his young children. These men’s spirits were up, and their wives were supportive.

The problem is that such an impulse is hard to sustain. The men Komarovsky studied eventually grew discouraged, their efforts faltered, and their relationships with their wives and teenage children often deteriorated. Across the country, many similar families were unable to maintain the initial boost in morale. For some, the hardships of life without steady work eventually overwhelmed their attempts to keep their families together. The divorce rate began to rise again in 1934 when employment picked up, providing some unhappy couples with the income they needed to separate. The rate rose during the rest of the decade as the recovery took hold.

Millions of American families may now be in the initial stage of their responses to the current crisis, working together and supporting one another through the early months of unemployment. During the Depression this stage seemed to last a year at most. Today, it might last longer. Wives now share with their husbands the burden of earning money, and the government provides more assistance.

But history suggests that this response will be temporary. By 1940 the divorce rate was higher than before the Depression, as if a pent-up demand was finally being satisfied. The Depression destroyed the inner life of many married couples, but it was years before they could afford to file for divorce.

Today’s economic slump could well generate a similar backlog of couples whose relationships have been irreparably ruined. So it is only when the economy is healthy again that we will begin to see just how many fractured families have been created.

[marmar]

1. A friend of mine is in this situation right now......

..... Economically, it's just not feasible for them to split up now, but the tension and misery in that house is palpable for anyone who walks into it.

[babylonsister]

2. I'm sorry to hear that, marmar. Judging from this article,

there's a lot of that going on, and as the economy improves, it's only going to get worse. :(

[madrchsod]

3. been through two of these downturns and this one i retired at 62

i know all to well what happens to a relationship with one`s spouse/partner and one`s children. it etches one`s soul with doubt and fear. no matter how strong one`s spouse/partner is there`s just so much they can give and take. the situation that many older people may face is that divorce maybe the only way to preserve what little retirement funds they have left. it could be a matter of whether a spouse can afford to have an operation with out draining the last cent they have in retirement funds.

ya ,it`s really depressing to look at a future that we are facing