Limbaugh -- I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore

[Blue_Tires]

I know there are a lot of people out there who are upset about some of the things I've been saying on my radio program lately. My comments about the situation in Haiti have hurt and angered many Americans who genuinely care about the plight of the Haitian people, and that hurt and anger will likely never go away. Many of you are probably wondering, "What would compel a human being to say things like that?" Well, here's your answer: I am a very bad person. And, to tell you the truth, I don't really want to be alive anymore.
Try to look at it from my point of view. I have no reason to live. In my 59 years, I've made millions of dollars, built a veritable media empire, and accomplished virtually everything that a man of my limited imagination and worldview could possibly accomplish. And yet, at this point, in no way could you refer to what I'm doing as "living," exactly. I just sort of exist. I derive no real pleasure from life. Oh, sure, I talk a big game about what a golf nut I am and how much I enjoy the taste of a fine cigar, but it's all horseshit. Complete and utter horseshit.

I don't enjoy that stuff. I don't enjoy anything. I don't even want to be here. The sadness and regret I feel every waking hour of my life is absolutely unbearable. I am a miserable pig and I do not want to exist.

The irony is that, even if I did die, the hell I would surely be sent to could not possibly be any worse than the bottomless pool of excrement I already paddle around in like some demented, shit-covered walrus. In fact, every time I hear my voice coming through the headphones I nearly gag, and I think, "What the fuck am I doing?" Why would I say that Michael J. Fox is faking his Parkinson's symptoms? Why would I find it funny to play a song called "Barack the Magic Negro"? Why would I tell people not to give aid to Haiti?

What the fuck is wrong with me?
I live in constant terror and that terror informs my every word, thought, and action.
See, the thing is, I honestly cannot control the bilious hatred and filth that oozes out of my mouth. I want to—believe me, I want to—but I can't. And every time I speak, a tiny voice inside my head is screaming, "Stop talking, you stupid, insensitive prick. JUST STOP FUCKING TALKING. All you do is spread hate and fear, and the world would be a better place without you, you worthless, amoral, cocksucking fuckface."

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_dont_even_want_to_be_alive

[dflprincess]

1. It was cruel of you to get my hopes up like that

:evilgrin:

[buff2]

2. Khrist....I can't believe I clicked on this thread

What a freakin waste of my time. :grr:

[stubtoe]

12. Me too. Dammit!

[CitizenLeft]

3. not real? Dammit!

:P

[quiet.american]

4. Damn - not real -- but still a fab read.

Just wanted to add, after reading the whole thing, I think it goes a tad too far -- just a tad, though.

[TheCowsCameHome]

5. ....and neither do millions of Americans that can't stand his putrid guts

[benld74]

6. Hell and its not even April yet,,,

[Bitwit1234]

7. Sen him rope and more rope.

[mike_c]

8. I SO wanted to believe....

*sigh*

[GeorgeGist]

9. Fear makes people behave stupidly.

Beware the Fear Mongers ... or laugh at them.

[Faygo Kid]

10. Been waiting to get home from work to ENTHUSIASTICALLY K&R

This is beautiful. It's also true, from the self-loathing pigman. I hope he sees it; he's so protected from criticism, he won't be able to handle it.

One of the finest from America's news source, The Onion.

[DFW]

11. The brilliant Onion strikes again

Sing along with Rush (if he hears this, I don't think he'll be singing his magic negro song again too soon):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlp-D_Y1UNo