From the Secret Files of Charlie K**h

[TygrBright]

TO: Americans for Prosperity Media Team

FROM: CK

RE: Hearts & Minds, Strategy

A couple of you pantywaists have questioned whether our agenda can actually be sold to the working people of America, the true citizens, the free-thinking, morally upright descendants of the people who came here in response to the tyrannies of Kings in the Old World. To that I say: Horseshit, gentlemen.

These good people are on OUR side. They understand what we're saying. We can make the case to them easily. They empathize with us. They know:

1. We don't need the government to provide us with public health. Moral, hard-working people like myself and my family and the good Americans who understand the true nature of liberty will take personal responsibility for the health of ourselves and, at a pinch, our families. We have no need for public health services such as universal immunization, infectious disease monitoring and epidemic control, drug safety testing and other nanny-state crap. If the unwashed socialist criminals around us sucking off the government tit get sick with something that might be catching, we'll just fly to our private estates overseas until they get better or die off. This is not a problem.

2. We don't need government to provide insurance or make sure that health care is available to just anyone who needs it. People like us, free-thinking, freedom-loving Americans, will pay for our own damn' health care, and we'll take care of our own. Why, just last week I was at the Mayo Clinic for a checkup and I paid cash. And when my brother's loyal chauffeur needed that experimental operation, Dave just saw to it that he was flown over to the hospital in Switzerland where the operation was available, and HE paid cash to take care of it. Our supporters can empathize with this, it's exactly what they'd do. Need care, pay cash. No problem. Of course, some of us are alright with health insurance, too. It's a sound capitalist, free-market system. My nephew's family takes that route. Six of 'em. Seven thousand a month, no problem, they never have to worry. BECAUSE THEY HAVE THOSE PAYMENTS MADE AUTOMATICALLY BY THEIR ACCOUNTANT! They're responsible, fiscally sound, freedom-loving Americans. They pay their bills, unlike the spineless welfare-sucking parasites whining for "health care reform." Our supporters can empathize with that, too.

3. Education. Screw public education, gentlemen. Those overpaid, uppity "teachers" have been sucking off the public tit too long as it is, with their commie, tyrannical "unions" jacking up their salaries to ridiculous levels for doing nothing more than passing out a few books and tests now and then, and passing on pinko propaganda. LYING to our children about history, distorting the truth, and all on our God damn' dimes. It's got to stop. Good freedom-loving Americans know there's two real choices: Kids who don't really need all that crap, that "social studies" and "art" and bullshit like that, and who don't need advanced material like high-level science, math, languages, that sort of thing... the best thing for them is to be educated at home, by parents who can instill in them the value of hard work. Then they'll be ready to take the good jobs our free-market capitalist system can produce if it's not weighed down with a lot of commie nanny-state over-regulated nonsense. The other choice is, of course, to pay for your own education at a proper private school supported by proper tuition and donations from grateful alumni, not by sucking the lifeblood from taxpayers. If we want our kids to have higher educations, by God we'll send them to Yale and pay $120,000 a year to get them. Freedom-loving, self-sufficient, hard-working Americans can understand that.

4. "Public Infrastructure" What a joke. This one makes me nauseous, gentlemen, positively nauseous. I could spew. What a con job! Under this sleazy moniker the American taxpayers are being bled white, and all for unnecessary CRAP like roads and parks and libraries and sewer systems and running water and other things that right-thinking, independent, proud Americans would rather buy for themselves. If I want a book I send one of my staff out to buy it. AND pay cash for it, too. If I want to go and enjoy nature, why, I go to one of the wilderness estates I and my family have worked hard to buy. If I want to play golf I go to one of the clubs where I've paid for a membership my own self, not some stupid taxpayer-funded municipal second-rate course. If I want to swim I swim in my own damn' pool bought and paid for. Or at a free-market private resort run by honest capitalists. I don't send my grandchildren to filthy disease-ridden public pools where they run the risk of encountering all kinds of criminal elements like lazy welfare-guzzling layabouts and illegal immigrants. Why, my family has paved plenty of our own damn' roads, to our oil refineries and to our private estates, and we maintain them as well. Any smart, industrious, morally-sound, self-sufficient American can understand that.

I could go on and on, but you get my drift, I'm sure. Just put to our fellow-citizens the right way and they'll be with us. They understand. They feel the same way! They'd do the exact same things we do, if we can just get the nanny-state, crushing, socialist tyranny off their backs.

Now, buck up and get out there and make the case!

And, by the way, be sure that crying guy gets plenty of coverage. He's a smart young fella even if he is a Jack Mormon. He read my book, you know.

[flamingdem]

1. Koch Bros?

Yes Virginia evil does exist.

[Raster]

2. And no, Virginia. There is no sanity clause.

[paparush]

3. Bravo. Excellent hyperbolic rant that captures the disconnect.