Can Men Have Sex With Men and Still Call Themselves Straight?

[marmar]

via AlterNet:




The Good Men Project / By Kenneth M. Cohen and Ritch C. Savin-Williams

Can Men Have Sex With Men and Still Call Themselves Straight?
"I'm not sure there's a name for what I am,' says Dillon, a college hockey player. Welcome to the world of the mostly straights.


November 16, 2010 | Dillon, a college varsity hockey goalie, is an eager volunteer for our interview. In fact, he so loves telling his story that he stays beyond the 90 minutes he believes it will take, and offers to come back for the chance to talk some more. When we reschedule, he’s thrilled, and shakes my hand and thanks me four times in the process of leaving.

Besides being remarkably polite, Dillon is talkative, self-aware, and reflective, with an engaging smile and an at-ease quality. Nothing he says feels rehearsed. It’s as if each topic brings forth another triumph, as if he’s discovering his life as he reflects on the questions.

When eventually asked about his sexuality, Dillon isn’t fazed. Though he wants to “fuck lots of girls” before graduation, he’s not entirely heterosexual. “I’m not sure there’s a name for what I am,” he says. He wants this process, this interview, to help him figure it out.

♦♦♦

By his own admission, Dillon says he resides in the “Sexual Netherlands” (his words), a place that exists between heterosexuality and bisexuality. In previous generations, such individuals might have been described as “straight but not narrow,” “bending a little,” and “heteroflexible.” ...........(more)

The complete piece is at: http://www.alternet.org/sex/148876/can_men_have_sex_with_men_and_still_call_themselves_straight/

[Cirque du So-What]

1. Sexuality is a spectrum

not exact points on a grid. There are infinite variations in the realm of attractions; rules do not apply. The sooner everyone comes to realize that - and to allow people to live their own fucking lives (literally) - the better off we will be as a society.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

2. "heteroflexible"?

Sounds yummy.

Especially the "flexible" part.

:evilgrin:

[Tesha]

3. That would depend on which part is "flexible", wooden it? (NT)

[Nuclear Unicorn]

10. *giggle*

You said, "wood."

[Tesha]

4. No. "Straight" is an end-point on the continuum.

"Mostly straight"? OK.

Tesha

[whathehell]

5. Does that mean "gay" is an end-point on the continuum also?

Frankly, I think that the "continuum" concept is a little over-played...It is, of course, true, but the fact is most people lean heavily in one direction or another.

[lumberjack_jeff]

21. If "straight" = heterosexual and "gay" = homosexual, then yes.

You can't be heterosexual while being sexually attracted to your own gender.

There are obviously bisexual people who dislike the label.

[L.Torsalo]

22. The spectrum

could be a colorwheel. No extremes, everything is part of sexuality...

[lumberjack_jeff]

26. Words mean things.

Heterosexual means being exclusively attracted to the opposite gender.

We're not arguing about people, we're discussing definitions.

[Harry Monroe]

6. Whatever happened to the old term "bisexual"?

Are they looking for a new term for it? Though I am heterosexual, there's nothing wrong with being bisexual. Hey, whatever turns you on!!

[Harry Monroe]

7. And before I get flamed on, I do get the fact that perhaps the term "bisexual" is restrictive

And perhaps a better term for his sexuality may be in order.

[JackintheGreen]

8. Not only that

but there is a stigma attached to the term. To many homosexuals, "bisexual" is seen to be a cop-out by people who can't admit to themselves that they are actually gay or as an insult to their own identity when used by (typically young) women who are imagined to use bisexual acts to turn on dudes - what used to be called "baby dykes," or college age experimenters.

[Recursion]

16. LUGs

Lesbian Until Graduation.

My gay friends say they don't date bi men because "bi men aren't serious about relationships with other men"; not sure how much of that is just their particular experience.

[beforeyoureyes]

18. This is getting silly

If people need to create a new word for bisexuality, go for it. But, it all adds up to the same thing.

The real issue is the individual and society's discomfort with innate sexual preferences that don't meet some weird standard of norm. Another word isn't going to change anything.

[xchrom]

9. Yes. And I think 'mostly straigh' is as good a description

For some as anything else.

2 things though -- lots of gay people have straight experiences before
Coming to terms with their gayness -- and they weren't unenjoyable.
But that doesn't make us straight or bi.

Lots of straight people have one off encounters.
And that doesn't make bi or gay.

[Dj13Francis]

11. Well they do...

There are a few words for people like that. Repressed. Closeted. Republican.

[Skittles]

12. Dj13Francis NAILS IT!

:rofl:

[yurbud]

13. they do in prison

[struggle4progress]

14. strgaiht?

[L.Torsalo]

23. Heteromo?

Sgrayt? Hotero? Gaytero? Hemo? Figgot? Queerght? Spectrum is a circle.

[IcyPeas]

15. Alan Cumming says he is Pansexual:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality

Alan Cumming is an actor/dancer currently on The Good Wife and also currently gives the introduction to Masterpiece Mystery. I read an interview with him where he said he was pansexual... had to look it up.

[beforeyoureyes]

17. It's called bisexuality as much as this ridiculous article wants to create a new class

It is pretty straight forward.

Attraction to only the opposite sex and sex with the opposite sex - Straight...

Attraction to both sexes, whereever one finds themselves on the gray scale from straight to homosexual, and sex with both sexes...
Bisexual

Attraction to only the opposite sex and sex with the opposite sex...Gay/Lesbian/Homosexual

This story is ridiculous.

[L.Torsalo]

24. Correct.

Bisexuality is the enjoyment of both sexes. "Mostly straight"...:blush:

[burning rain]

19. Maybe the dude's just trisexual...

and will try anything with anyone after a few drinks...

[cyr330]

20. They can call themselves whatevery they'd like. . .

But it doesn't necessarily make it so!

[L.Torsalo]

25. "What's in a name?

That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet."

(William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene II)

[burning rain]

27. They can call themselves what they like.

I've even known guys who only have sex with men, who have no desire for sex with women, but at one and the same time deny up and down that they're gay, and in fact speak against gay equality in viciously homophobic terms. Weird people in the world...

[katty]

28. apparently he prefers the flexosexual lifestyle

[Demeter]

29. Don't know about that, but the Pope will let them use condoms

:eyes:

[WestSeattle2]

30. Absolutely. The percentage of humans who are 100 percent

gay or straight is actually very small. The vast majority fall somewhere in between. Labeling ourselves or others is silly. We're all human and it is just sex for crying out loud. The amount of angst surrounding something that is so basic, biologically speaking, has always struck me as very odd. I mean really, with all the problems we as the human race need to confront, human sexuality shouldn't even make the list of things to wring our collective hands over. Keep those hands busy doing something else and everyone will be happier!