Jamey Rodemeyer's bullies still bullying him after his death

[RyanPsych]

WILLIAMSVILLE, NY - The parents of Jamey Rodemeyer appeared on NBC's Today Show this morning, and while they continue to spread their sons message, they say the issue of bullying is not getting better.

Tracey and Tim Rodemeyer sat down with Ann Curry to share details of the horrific experiences their son had with bullying due to his sexuality.

The parents wore "no hate" buttons, as well as shirts and arm bands supporting their sons mission for equality. On this mornings' show, the parents told a disturbing story about how even after their sons death, the bullying at school hasn't stopped.

Tracey Rodemeyer told Curry: "It was the first day of his wake. And my daughter, we let her go to the school event because it was homecoming week that Jamey was looking forward to. We thought it would be great for her to be with all her friends and she was texting that she was having a great time and all of the sudden a Lady Gaga song came on and they all started chanting for Jamey, all his friends and whatever, and then the bullies that put him in into this situation started chanting you're better off dead, we're glad you're dead."

read more at: http://www.wgrz.com/news/article/136409/37/Rodemeyers-Say-Bullying-Continues-After-Jameys-Death

[RKP5637]

1. Sounds like this school/district has some extremely serious problems they need to

address that have been left neglected, and I bet there are more there in the same situation Jamey was.

[David Sky]

2. I think that's a sure bet. There's NEVER just ONE victim of these

callous and mean people. For sure, now, there's Jamey's surviving sister as a second victim of these cretins.

[RKP5637]

3. Administrators / teachers / students seem to get away with this. A kid gets

caught with a minor drug offense in school and they are out on their ear, but harass someone 'till they kill themselves, that seems OK. The Administrators/teachers/students/parents should be held accountable for this, as applicable, IMO.

[David Sky]

5. Well, I think this is the opportunity and challenge before all of those groups..

They need to sit down together, ask for help from objective professionals from outside the system, psychiatrists, child development experts, religious figures, courts, police.

Let them come up with a plan for grade K-12... how to implement it on each level, how to assess reasonable and corrective penalties to rule-breakers, bullies. How to intervene with parents of victims, parents of perpetrators, etc.


A random thought just crossed my mind, and PLEASE PLEASE don't see this as blaming the victim, but I have to wonder, would Jamey have been such a visible and vulnerable target had he not had the internet, and Youtube available to him to display his situation? Maybe a "support group" at school or in the town would have been a better vehicle, maybe an anonymous name and face on the internet, rather than full name and face available to every kid in his class who has access to a computer. This is not meant to blame, but maybe we need to be teaching our victim kids how NOT to make themselves more targeted. Just a thought.

As I say, we all need to find ways to learn from this, and to avoid more repetitions of this tragic result.

[RKP5637]

8. Your 3rd paragraph made a lot of sense to me (as did all of your posts) I agree

so much. It's something like 'effective coping,' something like that. A support group to learn how to deal with issues like this in an effective manner. Bullies like attention/visibility, his manner of coping might have sadly indirectly encouraged more bullying.

That doesn't mean running from it, but rather learning ways to deal with it to try to get some level of an effective resolution. Of course support by the educational system is vital.

[David Sky]

11. Thank you! I'm just asking questions here, not convinced I have the only

answer.

Indeed, we need strategies for teachers and administrators in schools, to deal with bullying. We need strategies for parents of bullied victims, we need strategies for counselors, clergy, and others in our communities to deal with this. We need strategies for parents of bullies, how to diffuse their children from continuing to bully vulnerable kids in school, or from bullies continuing to bully their own younger siblings, (evidence is there that bullies often bully their siblings first, before they take it "public"!). So why not ask the questions for the victims too? Do we have the best coping strategies for you victims? Do we just give you a Youtube? Or are there more effective coping strategies we can offer all victims?

[RyanPsych]

9. I'm sorry- but absolutely not.

We should teach our children to fear bullies and to tell them that they shouldn't express who they are. Fuck that. Jamey was simply expressing his sexuality via videos- no different from a blog just a few years ago. Should his parents have told him to hide who he is?

No. The problem is the bullies. It is the rampant homophobia in America. Telling people to hide who they are is not going to solve the problem.

[David Sky]

10. Well, you have your opinion but do you lock your doors at night? Do you

lock your car when you park in the shady high crime side of town?

I'm only suggesting rational coping strategies, not blaming the victim, for sure.

Ever since Atilla the Hun, and probably for 5000 years before him, there have been bullies. I doubt YOUR strategy of laying ALL the blame for his suicide at the feet of the bullies will do much to reduce future suicides of victims. What I'm suggesting is more creative, more effective survival strategies for the victims, what victims of rape, victims of domestic violence, victims of other crimes are encouraged to adopt. Why not some of the same techniques for victims of (junior) high school bullies?

Freedom of speech and expression is a wonderful part of our nation's values, our Constitution, but those freedoms came about back when there was no Youtube. Is Youtube the best use of that freedom, in a world where all teens,(including all bullies) have access to any Youtube video? Or are there other, more productive, more supportive ways for a victim of bullies to use that freedom of speech? I'm just asking a question about strategies here. By contrast, you seem to suggest you have ALL the answers already.

[RyanPsych]

12. He used Youtube as a way to vent his emotions as well as to help others

He often posted uplifiting meassages for others.

Im unsure what he did wrong in your eyes? How is using the internet in a way that millions of others use it, an activity he should have avoided? Again- its not like he was "queening" it out down the hallway, hitting on straight boys in high school, or any other stereotypical activity you could think of (again, not excuses for abuse)- so its hard to say he brought it on himself.

The thing is, even kids who don't make youtube videos get brutally bullied because they're gay. Kids who are closeted get bullied because they are perceived to be gay. Jamey did nothing wrong.

Speaking of strategies- I think the best approach is education: education on bullying, education on LGBT issues, as well as making suicide-prevention/support group resources available to students that need them. Empowering teachers to step in and help bullied children, also a good strategy. On a nationwide scale- politicians and religious leaders who use gay rights as a wedge issue or as a scare tactic give fuel to these bullies. LGBT equality can only help ease the sense of hopelessness and dispair about the future that many LGBT teens face when they see their legal and political status, and when they hear pastors decrying "queers" and political leaders call them threats to children, national security, and families.

[David Sky]

13. "Jamey did nothing wrong." You're absolutely right, I agree, but you

missed my point.


When we think of proper interventions with potentially suicidal teens, (gay, straight bi-sexual, undecided, transgender, whatever, all deserve our attention!) we don't normally think that, because the teen might be gay, that we encourage them to make a Youtube video as a coping strategy for being victimized by bullies. No, we use more conventional avenues of support. We don't encourage him to publicly crusade on behalf of all gay teens in the world, we encourage him to find emotional nurturance and round-the-clock support in his own personal life. That's all I am suggesting here. What works best, and what might not be the wisest course for a young teen confronting adversity.

[footinmouth]

4. I live in this school district

It's one of the best districts in the state of NY. The superintendent is new, just started this summer, the same for the Asst. Supt. of Instruction. I'm not sure how long the principal of the HS has been in place. Definitely not the best start to a new school year.

I worked for this district for 20 years and they've always been very good about addressing things of this nature. They don't sweep it under the rug and carry on.

My heart goes out to this family.

[David Sky]

6. Thanks for sharing your perspective. n/t

[RKP5637]

7. That's good to hear! n/t