http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/politics/politics-headlines/tories-to-have-euro-summit-explained-to-them-slowly-201112084650/FEVERED Tories are to have the purpose of the crucial Euro summit explained to them as slowly as it takes.
As cabinet ministers and backbenchers demanded David Cameron defend the UK from things they have just made up while at the same time warning Britain could become isolated in exactly the way they have always dreamed of, specialists have been brought in with picture books and a guitar.
Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: "This. Summit. Is. About. Pre-vent-ing. A. Mass. Default. Which. Will. Ruin. Ab-so-lute-ly. Ev-ery-thing."
Leaning over Iain Duncan Smith, he added: "And. This. Summit. Is. Not. About. Making. It. Easier. For. British. Com-pan-ies. To. Sack. People. Or. Force. New. Taxes. On. The. City. Of. London. It. Is. About. Drawing. Up. Measures. To. Ensure. Sta-bil-ity. And. Fiscal. Disc-i-pline. In. The. Euro-zone. Now, everyone, repeat after me - Britain. Is. Not. In. The. Euro-zone."
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