That aside, I love that #3 was:
3. You
Crimes: You gaze idly at the carnage around you, sigh, and go calmly back to your coffee and your People magazine. You can’t stop buying useless crap, though you’re drowning in a deepening pool of debt. You think you’re an activist because you bitch all day on the internet, but you reelect the same gangsters at a 99% rate. You consider yourself informed because you waste a significant portion of your life watching the same three news stories cycle over and over again on your gargantuan, aerodynamic television set while you eat processed food. You really thought everything would be okay if Kerry won. Not only do you believe in an invisible man who magically farted out the universe, you also excoriate and marginalize those who disagree. You have a poorer understanding of your country’s foreign policy history than a third world peasant, but you can’t wait to see what Julia Roberts will be wearing at the Oscars. You cheer as Ukrainians challenge an election based on exit poll data, but keep waiting around for someone else to fix your problems. You can’t think, you can’t organize and you won’t act. This is all your fault.
Smoking Gun: You’re fat.
Punishment: You’re soaking in it.
If none of that applies to you, then let me be the first to applaud.
...At least I'm not fat. Heh, well, that and I don't care about the Oscars, I didn't think it Kerry was a magical panacea for what ails us, I'm an atheist (technically agnositc in the sense that it's hard to prove a negative, but atheistic for shorthand), but I'm not so hot on the whole organizing/action thing. Even though I did doorknock and phonebank for Kerry, erm, well, that's really not something that had a substantive impact on anything as far as I can tell. Oh, and I made a few peevish phonecalls to my senators about the elector vote confimation in congress. Yea...
The punishment part is funny because it's true.