Bush Employment Agency (Funny Email - No source)

[the_boxer_]

With Bush planning to legalize 10 to 25 million illegal aliens (yes, estimates
range this high) and put the federal government in the employment agency
business, a look at how such an agency might operate is in order.

It would go like this:


You call an 800 number, 1-800-WEHABLA.

ANSWER: You have reached the George W. Bush Federal Employment
Agency, part of the newly created cabinet level Department of
Employment, Secretary Raman Roy in charge.
(for info. on this guy see:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/12/23/60minutes/main590004.shtml
)

This call will be monitored in case you say something critical of the
administration.

If you are currently an illegal alien, press one to immediately talk with a
service representative.

If you desire to come to the U.S. and work, press two to immediately talk
with a service representative.

If you are currently an unemployed American citizen, press three.

CALLER: presses 3

ANSWER: You have pressed 3 indicating that you are an unemployed U.S.
citizen. The lines are currently busy, but your call is important to us.
Please hold for the first available service representative. The average wait
time is 6 days, 6 hours, 6 minutes. In the meantime, you can listen to the
President's campaign commercials.

CALLER FINALLY GETS A RESPONSE: Hello? I waited this long because I am
desperate for work. My wife is unemployed, our savings almost gone; we
and our children will soon be living out of our car.

ANSWER: This is Asok Singh --- I mean -- this is Jack from Alabama,
howdy y'all. What work are you looking for?

CALLER: I have a degree in computer science, certifications, and 13 years
experience but will take anything out of computers just to have a job.

ANSWER: We have some IT positions. Do you have 2 years of experience
with Windows 2005?

CALLER: There is no Windows 2005! How can anyone meet this
requirement?

ANSWER: Apparently, you have not kept your skills current. We in India ---
Alabama, are already getting certified in Windows 2010! How much
experience do you have with PL1?

CALLER: Huh? That hasn't been used in years.

ANSWER: You should be more flexible in your field. I'm afraid it will be
impossible to get you a computer job.

CALLER: How about something else?

ANSWER: Let's see. We have a listing for a job at $5.15/hr and no
benefits. Can you say, "will that be fries to go with the burger?"

CALLER: Yes. I'll take it. I'm desperate.

ANSWER: Sorry. My mistake. That job was already taken by some guy in
Mexico. He had a connection through working at the farm that exports
green onions to the U.S.

CALLER: Isn't there anything?

ANSWER: Well, we do have one thing. A temporary job with the Federal
government. It reports directly to President Bush and pays a flat fee of
$100,000.

CALLER: You're kidding? Tell me more.

ANSWER: The job title is Hitman.

CALLER: Huh? You mean I have to kill someone?

ANSWER: Yes.

CALLER: I could never earn blood money. I guess the President wants to
get Osama Bin Laden.

ANSWER: No. The hit is for Paul O'Neil.

CALLER: (Sigh) Nevermind. I'll just pray for a miracle instead.

[liberalhistorian]

1. ROFLMAO!

And ROFLMAO some more! OMG, is that funny, and unfortunately close to the truth, too, I'm afraid.

[the_boxer_]

2. I think someone at my work wrote that...

but I can't verify it.