Note to Georgie Boy: How to save marriage

[jmowreader]

Dear President Bush:

I heard your state of the union address. Especially the $1.5 billion proposal for "saving" marriage and the request for the homophobic Constitutional amendment.

I agree that marriage is a sacred institution, but I'm trying to figure out where all this "damage" talk is coming from. I look in my local newspaper's society pages every Sunday and see that there's been no slowdown in the number of marriages being performed. I see in the legal page on Thursday that there's been no slowdown in the number of marriage licenses issued. Clearly there is still great support for this concept we call marriage.

And yet there has been damage to marriage--but not from the people whom you wish to forbid from getting married, the gays and lesbians who live in this nation we love. I see Newt Gingrich on his third wife. I see a huge number of Republicans with their own personal collections of marriage licenses. I see the Republican entertainer Britney Spears waking up with a cigar band on her finger, wondering what the hell happened then looking to the left and seeing her new husband, a man she divorced mere days later. My marriage vows contained the phrase "until death do you part" but a substantial number of Republicans forgot that one. I come from a family of five children. My parents, myself and three of my four siblings are all married. There has been one divorce in the family. Of the seven people in this nuclear family, two are Republicans and five Democrats; the unmarried man and the divorcee are both Republicans.

Following this logic, there is one certain way to preserve marriage: Quit issuing marriage licenses to Republicans. Republicans are constitutionally incapable of forming long-lasting relationships with members of the opposite sex.

I feel that homosexuals would be more statistically likely to form loving, durable marital bonds than heterosexuals; homosexuals, with very few exceptions, are Democrats.

Frame the marriage protection amendment as follows: "No state or United States Territory shall issue a marriage license to any current or past member of the Republican Party." This will preserve the sanctity of marriage by forbidding the people who are statistically the most likely to abuse it from becoming married.

[StClone]

1. Got to love the reasons why

We need an Constitutional Amendment to save us all from gays but would never thing to amend it to clarify what a 'well-armed militia' is and what classifies as 'arms' in today's world.

[Warpy]

2. The thing that nitwit and his gang need to do

...to "save" or "promote" heterosexual marriage is to shut up, cancel the tax giveaways to the fatcats and use the money to set up public works jobs that pay enough to raise a family on.

As for restricting it to heteros, that's just plain insane. I can't see why any sane person would want to marry, but as long as they do, we might as well spread the misery as widely as possible.

[Sapphocrat]

3. Niice one! Well done! n/t