Some Bush Humor...(3 Jokes)

[imax2268]

I hope the mods don't mind...after that boring SOTU tonight...I thought I would give everyone a good laugh...

I got these from the Angry Liberal...
http://www.theangryliberal.com/jokes.htm

Bush Meets his Maker

During the hottest year on record, George W. Bush finally realized the full weight of his mistake in supporting Big Pollution. Facing worldwide drought, fires, and famine, all brought on by global warming, Bush fell to his knees.

"Save us, Lord!" cried Bush, tears streaming down his face.

"YOU CALLED?" came a booming voice from the sky. Startled, Bush sobbed.

"Why are you doing this to the world, God?"

"WHY? YOU CUT DOWN MY FORESTS. YOU SUCKED BLACK POISON OUT OF THE GROUND AND BURNED IT IN YOUR STUPID SPORT UTILITY VEHICLES. YOU IGNORED ALL OF THE WARNINGS I SENT TO YOU THROUGH YOUR SCIENTISTS. YOUR ARROGANCE AND WASTEFUL WAYS CAUSED THIS. I HAD NO HAND IN IT."

"Never mind that, Lord. I'm asking for help here. We're in big trouble!"

"YES, YOU ARE. INCIDENTALLY, YOU KNOW THE STORY OF GENESIS THAT TALKS ABOUT MY CREATING THE WORLD IN SEVEN DAYS? THAT STORY IS TRUE. WHAT YOUR IGNORANT FUNDAMENTALISTS DON'T REALIZE IS THAT A DAY TO ME IS THE EQUALIVALENT OF ABOUT ONE BILLION EARTH YEARS."

"Yeah, yeah, that's great, Lord. Now will you help us or not?" responded a flustered Bush.

"THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT I INTEND TO HELP YOU. THE BAD NEWS IS THAT I'M BOOKED SOLID FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. YOU'RE FIRST ON MY LIST TOMORROW."


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The "Potatoe" Claims Another Conservative

Ex-Governor Bush Called Former President Clinton one afternoon.

"Hello, Bill? It's Dubya. Say, I've been meanin' ta ask ya sumthin'. How did you do so well with the ladies when you were president?"

"I'll tell ya, George. The trick is to dazzle them with charm and intelligent conversation."

"Yeah, but what can I do?" asked Bush.

Clinton paused. "Well, George, if all else fails, try puttin' a potato down your pants. That works every time."

The next week, Bush called Clinton again.

"Bill? Dubya. Laura was in Crawford over the weekend and I got to go stag to the embassy ball. I tried the potato trick, but all the ladies kept their distance."

"I know, I saw the ball on C-SPAN," laughed Clinton. "Next time, try puttin' the potato down the front of your pants."


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Q: How many Bush staffers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to remove the perfectly good light bulb and give it away to a millionaire and one to swipe a new bulb from the Social Security Administration Office.


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Lost in the Translation

On a visit to France, George W. Bush and French President Jacques Chirac are having lunch in a fine local restauraunt. After being seated and presented with menus, an attractive young waitress approaches the table.

"And what can I get for you gentlemen?" asks the waitress.

Bush looks up from his menu and smiles politely. "Hey, honey, how 'bout a quickie?"

Shocked, the waitress slaps Bush and storms off.

After the waitress disappears from sight, Chirac leans over to Bush. In a low voice, he says:

"I think you mean 'quiche,' Mr. President."

[DarkSim]

1. Hilarious...

:argh:

[Goldom]

2. Another good one

If rather long...

http://www.froglok.com/bushhell.txt

[imax2268]

3. Long...

but hilarious...!!!

[IkeWarnedUs]

4. That's a keeper

Here's one I picked up somewhere along the way:

Republican and Democrat versions of the same Joke.

Republican Version

'Wall of Clocks'

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Hillary. "Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating she has never told a lie."

"Whose clock is that?" asked Hillary.

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us Abe told two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked. "Bill's clock is in Jesus' office.

"Wow! That's pretty good, isn't it?"

"Not really, he's using it as a ceiling fan."


Democrat Version

'Wall of Clocks'

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Hillary. "Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating she has never told a lie."

"Whose clock is that?" asked Hillary.

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us Abe told two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked. "Bill's clock is in Jesus' office.

"Wow! That's pretty good, isn't it?"

"Well, he's using it as a ceiling fan."

"Where's George W. Bush’s clock?" Hillary asked.

"God has it, along with Cheney’s, Rumsfeld’s, Powell’s, Rice’s, Perle’s, Wolfowitz’s and Bush’s entire administration."

"Wow! Why is that?"

"Well, their clocks never seemed to move either. It was a big deal in all the papers and on TV. God knew they weren’t as honest as Mother Teresa, so He took their clocks down to take a look at them. It turns out, they own the companies that made their clocks, so they just made sure their clocks never moved, no matter how often they lied."

"By the way, why is Jesus using Bill’s clock as a ceiling fan? Did he really lie that much?" Asked Hillary.

“No, not at all. Before God got hung up on all the problems caused by the Bush administration’s clocks, He got to thinking about Bill Clinton’s clock. God knew Bill was no Mother Theresa either, but he also knew that he was no Bush. When he took Bill’s clock down to take a look at it, He discovered that Bush & Co. made this clock too, but with this one, they made it spin out of control. That’s really why God gave it to Jesus. He thought it was a cute pun, since Jesus had always been a fan of Bill’s.