Let's have our own press conference for George W Bush....

[kentuck]

You only get one question with no followups. What would you ask? I'll ask the first question.

"Mr Bush, what can you tell us about the OSP and how much intel information have you received from them?"

[BigBadDaddy-O]

1. Who was part of OUR Energy policy

You @#&%(*& @$$ Hole!

[thebigidea]

13. That's a very good question, uh - Daddy... Big.... Bladd- Bad... Daddy...

"And I want you to know that we're making good progress here, great progress in the war, on warming... on energy - which makes for progress. Next question, in the back."

[ThoughtCriminal]

2. What was SO interesting about the Pet Goat Story?

Must have been one hell of a "page turner" to take priority over America being attacked and the death of thousands.

[thebigidea]

14. Criminiy, crimini- criminalthou- uh, yes... your question...

"Reading is important, because children provide the foundation for the futility - of, uh - of the future... of the fumes of the future, which come from the flames of freedom, which uh - heats victory. I'm getting mighty hungry, so no trick questions. eh eh eh."

[DoYouEverWonder]

3. What the fuck did you do

for over 20 minutes on the morning of 9-11, when you knew that the US was under attack and 1000's of Americans were dying?

[thebigidea]

15. I wonder if you wonder about uh - how much I wonder.

"Which is why I wonder where this question is uh, going - are you... playing politics with 9-11? In the history of freedom, politics may be the glue, but integrity, and compassionizing, and collateralisms... those are what move us forward. So if you don't mind, I'm uh gonna go back and take another question from the one with the shaky hand. Ol Shakyhands, huh. eh eh eh."

[waterman]

4. What did your mother do to you that was so terrible?

[thebigidea]

16. Very funny, waterman... she gave us plenty of water, that's for sure.

"And water as we know, is the source of all life - and life is private, individual - so we privatize it, and by privatizing water... we enhance the flow, the flow of democracy, of good tidings to the heart - uh of the land, of the homeland. Godblessmerica."

[Cleita]

5. Whatever happened to the Patient's Bill of Rights

that both you and Al Gore promised in campaign 2000?

[stepnw1f]

6. What's your real stance on abortion?

[thebigidea]

17. Eh eh eh... patience, uh - which is a virtue, by virtue of... uh...

"And I hope to resolve the issues, uh the problems with drugs, with people getting drugs, important drugs, not steroids but life-enhancingamizing, of uh... medicines, things that when taken - uh, expand life, and life expanded, made big is like a balloon uhhhh up in the sky... which takes off... to the moon... and BEYOND! And we're going there. again. And uh, I'm plenty ready for that lunch now... a few more questions - you with the accusatoryamizing stare..."

[Cleita]

32. Loved all your answers.

I'm still chuckling. :-)

[benddem]

7. When are we going to start having

a humble foreign policy...and restoring dignity to the Oval office:toast:

[thebigidea]

18. "Humbleness is a virtue in the eyes of God, and by pleasing God... uh..."

"That is to say, serving him... by slaying, those that stand against him, against human decencies... is what dignity is, because evil hates the humbleness, the good nature that America is all about... and when we allow the most dangerous men to have the most dangerous weapons, the threat cannot be tolerated, uh - though humbleness is... is what's... uh..."

[ronnykmarshall]

8. What is that white substance on your upper lip?

[thebigidea]

19. Eh eh eh - very funny, very FUNNY ronaround, ronarificrized...

"That substance is milk, uh from cows... cows from the homeland, which are completely safe to eat from, from to the lunch... uh which can be dinner, is safe. And Anne is makin' good progress on makin' cows uh... making cows... cows..."

[TruthIsAll]

9. What special TV hook-up let you see LIVE the FIRST plane hit the WTC?

B
U
S
H

K
N
E
W

[thebigidea]

20. You guys know that's a trick question, I don't watch news...

"And that's pure politics... its just... unapprehensible, uh... and we'll have no followups on 9/11, doesn't any one want to talk about my rib lunch? I got bold barbecue sauce. BOLD... uh...."

[petrock2004]

10. Does your God

believe in murdering innocent people to further your own financial well-being?

:puke:

[thebigidea]

21. My God, which is big enough to be uh.... God... that is to say...

"He's someone special - and by pursuing his ways, by bringing peace, by bringing school vouchers to the people of the Middle East, by bringing freedom to every shutin, to every individual penalized by uh... penalized by the... by the need for Congress to get a bill on my desk approving more tax cuts to stimulate, to annoint the economy. Godblessmerica."

[Frank Rose]

11. Are YOU aware that you lost that election?

[thebigidea]

22. (monkey stares straight ahead, completely ignoring question)

[bushwakker]

12. Is global warming caused by human activities yes or no?

[thebigidea]

23. I tell you what... Bushwakker...eh eh eh - I like your name, I like Bushes

" tell you what about warming... uh... the only thing that's not warming is my lunch, so if ya'll excuse me, I'm fixin' to eat it. No more questions."

(Hail to the Chief plays...)

ANNOUNCER: "The President has left the building."

[sweetheart]

24. all we need is some studio time

Then we dress and make up a person to act "GWB" and have a room full of actors/actresses playing real journalists asking questions.

Then GWB gives honest answers as we already know them. It would be the biggest hit of the underground video universe, likely putting serious pressure on the real press conference to come clean.

Knowing he'd have truth syrum in the real thing.

Reporter, Chicago Tribune: "Mr. President. Why did you cut funding to family planning and healthcare services worldwide that recommend abortion as an option?"

A: "Well, you see I and my fundamentalist christian supporters are mostly men, and we want to repress women by making them have more children. Statistics show that women without family planning are less likely to get higher education, are less likely to vote, participate in democracy or achieve western levels of human rights. This makes them perfect for cheap factory labour as we break the backs of the american middle class by shipping jobs overseas. You see, my constituents are mostly church going christian folks in the blue states, where corporate welfare is important for keeping unsustainable businesses running. To do this, i have to set up policies that steal the wealth of the coastal states and ship it towards the states without serious economic viability, as they are the states i have to buy off to win the next election.
As well, my buddies who gave me big campaign contributions and who buy off the republican congress, they are all huge corporations who need to break organized labour in america in order to increase profits so that the wealthiest people in america can get better tax breaks. Hell, what the fuck do i care about some homeless americans who won't work for a living. They are scum, just like gays and n***ers..oh! i mean sp*cks... oh no? crackers... oh damn.. lets just call them all minorities.
You see my constituents are deeply racist, and hate it that n***ers and oh! minorities, are getting our jobs, so i've made it so that homeland security can focus on traitors in america, like women, gays, ni... minorities, veterans, homeless people and other scum who leech off of the rich. Whats important is to create jobs, and for that we need to break the backs of the middle class so that cheap labour is everywhere in america. This is why we need more teenage pregnancies and less medical care. Hell, how the hell can we expect to keep people working 2 jobs if they can get medical services?
That's besides the point, really. My constituents find feminism repulsive. It is those uppity bitches who don't know their place in life that have lead to this whole problem in the first place. SO, i say categorially, that if you're bitch gets out of line, just slap her and give her some of the big sausage (grabs groin) like i do with barbara.. my hoe. Fuck them bitches and make them fat and pregnant, then they need you around to pay the bills, so they don't mind a few whores on the side. How else can we get the population to rise up so we can compete with china and india?"

Next question?

[thebigidea]

26. (breaks character) some friends and I have been toying with bits like this

a shame Ari left, one of my videomongering pals does a killer stuffy-nose Ari Fleischer voice/look.

[sweetheart]

27. you know, all we need is a script

Its a one day filming job. No lines to memorize and the bush lookalike can read the teleprompter.

If we got a comprehensive script and answer session, anyone who saw it would be shocked, by the intense truth behind it... as we all KNOW they think like that.. and to dump it out on camera would be like a dam breaking.

What about your energy policy
What about security and the war on terror
What is your view on corporate america
How do you make decisions mr bush


Likely it would only take about 10 questions, and bush could wander off topic in his answers to cover anything else. The entire sequence would run 1/2 hour max, and be the best bush satire filmed.

[thebigidea]

28. hmmm

heh, there's probably about a hundred questions and answers in this script:

http://terminalproduct.com/regimechange.html

Boy, a weird read... all my most paranoid 2002 satire turned out to not only come true, but an even more gruesome way. Damn that Cheney mob.

we did put together a 9 minute or so rough cut of a press conference with keyed in backgrounds and a strange press corps asking dubya harsh questions, his answers are cutup actual Bush speech gibberish.

"Makin' good progress" works for any question.

anyway that'll be trimmed and tucked into the "Paranoia Show" DVD... coming to a migraine headache... NEAR YOU!

[sweetheart]

33. Ok, brainstorm

I'm go. 10 questions could fit in the segment. To frame the broad script, we need 10 newspapers, 10 questions.

The list of city/newspapers needs to be as much from blue states as possible... please help.... then we can make the names.
Los Angeles Tymes
Wall STreet Urinal
Washington Pest
Philadelphia xxx?
Chicago xxx?
Denver xxx?
Phoenix
Dallas
Atlanta
Boston xxx

Next the questions: No question will be about gays, women or any minority groups as he will bash them in all his answers by wandering off topic as in the example script... Ideally the topics are matched to the cities most affected. perhaps 12 questions and we can leave 2 on the editing floor

Topics:
1. security - Washington postal
2. welfare and the homeless - Los angeles
3. the defecit - wall street journal
4. Jobs and outsourcing - Boston
5. Patriot act - Philadelphia
6. Healthcare - chicago
7. Separation of church and state - Dallas
8. Gun crime - Atlanta
9. Drugs and the drugs war - phoenix
10. Iraq, Afganistan, WMD's and war. - Denver
11. Gay marriage and equal opportunity for women - seattle
12. Corporate welfare and economic growth - (some military base/state)

The questions should cover every point in a broad stroke, so that his wandering answers can really be complete. Is this list complete... please edit and recommend.

THe answers, i'm happy to work on... its writers craft.

Does anyone know an actor, amateur even, who can do facial expression imitations of bush as well as voice imitations... best with voice imitations.

This skit will work just as well as an audio clip, we can dump it in to the public domain, hell, even publish it here.

With the right recording (video), this could make live broadcast on like conan obrien. I can already feel it intuitively that this will get the goat of every republican out there... Sterling i think can help us later i production.

I'm dead serious about getting this to a script. I'll cut up his SOTU and ram it back up his ass with this... ohhh boy this is a gasss. :) In the spirit of monty python, is this the right room for an argument... yea babe.

[sweetheart]

34. does no body else think this has potential?

I think it would be brilliant, and it need not be as foul as i made this one... rather it can use his exact cadence of language, except telling the whole truth and leaving nothing out.

They use fake staged media to lie.. so it is they who set the precedent... why not run with it. It'll make for a VERY hot potatoe.

[Jacobin]

25. Mr. Bush*, do you realize that everyone is laughing at you and that we

all know that you are an incompetent buffoon?

[maggrwaggr]

29. Was Colin Powell lying when he said sanctions were working and Iraq was no

threat, not even "conventionally", to its neighbors?

Are you calling Colin Powell a liar?

http://www.state.gov/secretary/rm/2001/933.htm

<<And frankly have worked. He has not developed any significant capability with respect to weapons of mass destruction. He is unable to project conventional power against his neighbors. >>

[maggrwaggr]

30. when was the last time you got hammered?

I know that's two, but I couldn't resist

[maggrwaggr]

31. how does it feel that 520 American soldiers died for nothing?

How can you say their blood is not on your hands?

How many lives are you responsible for ending now?

There's all the people in Texas on death row who died.

There are countless Iraqi civilians.

There are countless Iraqi conscripts, many boys as young as 13, who you bombed to shreds.

And now 520 American soldiers.

And all the arms and legs that have been lost.

How does it feel to be one of the most violent despotic leaders in the civilized world EVER?

[Seldona]

35. If your inability to find WMD in Iraq really stems from

an 'intelligence failure', why aren't you the slightest bit interested in investigating the reasons for said 'failure'?

[thebigidea]

36. snicker/kick...

[Bandit]

37. Could you tell us who in your administration thinks of Laura as

"That Lump in the Bed"? She said on national TV that you did not write her that love poem so in your opinion who wrote her the intimate love poem and considers her "That Lump in the Bed"?

[9215]

38. Do you know Osama Bin Laden personally?

[peterh]

39. Your thoughts on EO 13233 being overturned…

When you’re kicked out of office and the public getting a look from wince the criminality of your misadministration was derived from…