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with a nod to Molly Ivins, who wrote it as a five-liner. I expounded upon it greatly. See what you think:
A boy named George wants to whack a hornet's nest with a stick. His friends think it is a good idea, too. He has a boy named Military who will do it for him. He has to do whatever George wants.
George tells all the kids: "We need to whack this nest to protect all of us. The King Hornet has DANGEROUS SCARY stingers that he is NOT allowed to have and he could use them on US at any moment!!!"
There are these other kids who don't want George to whack the hornet's nest. When they ask him not to, he looks at them and says, "You are a focus group. I do not listen to focus groups."
"But there are millions of us," they say.
"Nevermind, I'm busy," he says. "La la la la I cannot hear you."
(George has his friends who are a lot bigger and have big sticks make sure the kids who aren't happy with him stay far away from him where he cannot hear them. That makes George's job easier and his life much much happier.)
Then he looks at Military and says, "Don't worry. My special intelligent friends here tell me that the King Hornet has special stingers he is not allowed to have. They couldn't possibly be wrong, because they work for me. That group of kids over there, I call them the United Kids, has been trying to get him to prove he has gotten rid of them for a long time. He has been very naughty, acting up and not cooperating with the United Kids. So I think we should whack his nest. Not only that, but he is mean to the other hornets. The other hornets will be very happy when we whack the nest and get rid of him. It won't take long."
So George went against the United Kids and asked Military to whack the nest because the King Hornet went against the United Kids (irony alert).
When Military whacked the nest, he realized that, while he had a nice big stick, he didn't have adequate protection against the hornets. He also thought George said the hornets would mostly be happy with him and they weren't. So he got stung a whole whole lot and it was extremely sad. Military had a tough job keeping those hornets in line and it was just getting worse. Also, lots of hornets who never did anything to anyone but live out their hornet lives were killed by the stick. All in all, quite sad.
Meanwhile, George turned to the kids who didn't want him to whack the nest who were very unhappy about him whacking it anyway with the use of Military and said, "Now you have to support me. I need a lot of money to deal with this. Hand it over." He mostly took it from the littlest kids, who didn't know what the heck was going on, in the form of loans, which made all the kids pretty broke.
But the kids who were friends of George said to the other kids, "You are bad for not supporting George. We will win. If there are other hornet's nests, we will just whack them, too."
Then the kids who weren't happy with George said, "Yes, but what if hornet's nests just keep popping up over and over again? Won't they just rebuild their nest somewhere else? And isn't there more than one way of getting rid of a hornet's nest? And why that particular nest? It didn't seem to be much of a threat!"
The kids who were friends of George said, "Shut the fuck up you traitors and vote for George, president of the Kid's Club!" Then they grinned.
When Military got a good look around, he didn't find any of those special dangerous stingers the King Hornet wasn't supposed to have. He did kill the King's two sons and he did catch the King Hornet, but he seemed to be a crazy old hornet intent on writing novels.
Meanwhile, nasty new hornets moved into the whacked nest and the hornets who were living there started wondering when their nest would be rebuilt.
The nasty new hornets were drawn to the scene of carnage as they love chaos.
George, upon learning of the nasty new hornets who moved in said, "See? I told you that hornet's nest was a problem!"
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