He's retired, she's working, they're not happy

[ringmastery]

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/03/23/national/23RETI.html?hp

Women often work because their husbands have been pressed into early retirement. Martie Williams, 60, had not planned to retire in 1999, when the gas company in western New Jersey where he worked offered him a buyout package. Since then he has briefly tried selling cars, but has not worked regularly. His wife, Pat, 55, who makes $10,000 a year as a librarian's aide, has come to resent his not working.

"Even if he worked 20 hours a week, it wouldn't be enough money, but we'd have some normalcy," she said. "That's what I'm looking for. Life needs that, but we don't have it. We need some sort of routine. I'm angry. I don't make dinner anymore. I say, `You're home all day, I'll be damned if I'll do it.' "

Mr. Williams said he did not miss his old job, and felt his retirement package provided enough money for now. But, he said, "Our home life has gone to hell in a handbasket. I don't know if it's my fault, her fault or nobody's fault. She resents my being home so much. I just close up and say, `When I get a job, it will resolve itself.'

"The only thing I have a problem with is talking about it," Mr. Williams said. "She's always saying, `What are you going to do?' I don't know what I'm going to do. All I can do is keep going out and trying."

[Another Bill C.]

1. Maybe it's a good thing I never remarried.

I'm retired and just happy as can be just tinkering with whatever I pick up in the morning. Well, wait a minute. That doesn't look good does it?

[maggrwaggr]

2. wow, I thought your headline was about the Clintons for a minute

but I guess not

[roguevalley]

3. this happens a lot. let me tell you, its the hardest thing about

retirement. you better be friends. But then again, she'll outlive him probably. <G>

[MI Cherie]

4. What some people don't seem to ...

... comprehend or understand is:

Resentment WILL grow if one is forced to work outside the home because the other (male or female) does not or will not. One must acknowledge that an income is required to maintain reasonable living conditions.

When one only works outside of the home, the other usually takes care of home. (shopping, meals, dishes, cleaning, laundry, kids, etc.)

When the "other one" only works outside of the home, the one at home should take care of household duties. (but sometimes does not!)

This is where resentment grows and thrives. One feeling that they are contributing or doing more than the other in a partnership.

This can occur if both work outside the home but one is expected to also take care of home related chores while other does not share duties or make up for it in some other way.

Perhaps any gentleman (or lady) in this position should make dinner. Or go out or do the dishes or the laundry or fix that thing that needs fixing, etc.

One must also acknowledge that during these times and/or at a certain age, one does not always get a job on the first or second try.