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There are going to be some significant changes made to the Presidential Succession law soon -- I got an advance copy.
--bkl
***** PRESS EMBARGO UNTIL 2 JUL 2004 ***** ******* (FOX TV UNTIL 1 JUL 2004) *******
CONFIDENTIAL -- FOR INTERNAL WHITE HOUSE USE ONLY
Date: 30 June 2004 From: George W. Bush, the Office of the POTUS To: (DISTRIBUTION LIST REDACTED FOR REASONS OF NATIONAL SECURITY) Re: Amended Line of Presidential Succession
After much due and considered consideration, and after speaking with my most trusted security advisors and my family’s minister, I have decided that changes need to be made in the line of presidential succession. In this age of increasing terrorization and post-9-11 threats of terror, it is more important than ever that the successional line of presidential succession be maintained in a line of succession, in case the terrorists wage a war of terror on the presidential succession.
The old presidential succession was not working, probably because of something bad that President Clinton did.
Effective this July 4th, the line of presidential succession will be amended by an official Presidential Order, issued by the President, myself, to establish the following presidential successional line:
1: Uncle Dick Cheney 2: Uncle Don Rumsfeld 3: Aunt Condi (Rice) or Uncle Colin (Powell). The one that tells me I’m real smart and all. I keep mixing them up. 4: Superman 5: Captain America 6: McGruff, the Crime Dog 7: Ripley, that tough Army space lady who killed the Alien. 8: Alf (the Alien Life Form) 9: The good Frankenstein who beat up the Mummy and Wolfman, not the bad Frankenstein who killed the mayor and that pretty lady. 10: The Invisible Man 11: Bill the Computer Guy, not Bill the Bad President 12: Steve from “Blue’s Clues” (‘cause everybody says I don’t have any clues). 13: Jack Daniels 14: Mayor McCheese 15: The cute blond lady conservative on The West Wing 16: The cute blond lady conservative on Fox-TV 17: That guy on 9-11 who said “Let’s Roll” 18: The Oxy-Clean man 19: Either Perry Mason or Ironside 20: Tom Ridge
The following people, who had been under due consideration for the line of presidential succession, are no longer being considered because of various considerations in the laws of presidential succession laws.
My Dad: He was already the President once. Batman and Robin: Reverend Jerry says they’re gay, and Batman touched Robin in a bad way. Charlie’s Angels: The short one didn’t Say No to Drugs, and the Chinee lady is gay. (She kissed Han Solo’s girlfriend. I saw it because my Dad made a special tape of it he watches a lot.) Sister Bertrille (The Flying Nun): The Pope says she can’t. Sister Whoopi: The same as Sister Bertrille. Tobor, the 8th Man: Smokes cigarettes that give him special powers and gross breath like the twins. Harry Potter: Is a geek or a witch. Also probably gay. Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Isn’t 35 years old yet. Austin Powers: Kisses colored ladies; also not an American. Seth Green: His people killed our Lord. He was also married to the bad Charlie’s Angel. Captain Kirk: He’s really from France, and they’re our enemy. Mr. Spock: He’s not an American at all. Sarah Sylvia Cynthia Stout: Disqualified due to criminal record for negligent garbage violations as a juvenile. Tom Green: Maybe it was really him, not Seth Green. Astro-Boy: He’s too young, and he’s also a Japanee. The Terminator: Govenron of California. He also came from Australia so he can’t be President.
Ever since the events of 9-11, we in America have to stay vigilant so that we in America can stay strong, and this Presidential Order will help us maintain our strong and vigilant strength by strenghthening the line of presidential succession.
God Bless America.
George Bush, President GWB/abcd/efg
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