After nearly four decades of the Women's liberation movement,

[Veggie Meathead]

our daughters are told not to excel academically for fear of scaring the boys.My daughter came home crying that the other girls in her class think she should not be too aggressive;otherwise, the boys will find her unattractive and she will have to spend her life all alone.
Are there other parents at DU who have experienced this problem with their young junior high daughters?

[radwriter0555]

1. wow, is she ever in the wrong school and with the wrong peers.

Sorry to hear that.

[JuniperLea]

2. that is bogus!

tell your daughter that the truly worthy men are very much attracted to an intelligent woman! and the person who told her this is not very intelligent at all! goes the other way as well. personally, intelligence in a man is the most attractive factor, above all others.

[Tansy_Gold]

3. I just heard Jean Kilbourne on NPR the other day

yeah, it still goes on. Maybe in a few really radical schools it doesn't, but the culture is so pervasive. Looks mean everything, brains don't count.

All you can do is support her at home and give her all the avenues she wants and can handle.


Tansy Gold, who always told her daughter to be as smart as she could be

[Guaranteed]

4. EVERYONE is treated that way.

I, as a boy, was the smartest kid in my grade and everybody hated me for it.

It's just a fact of life that if you show people up they get envious and won't like you.

[JuniperLea]

5. until they grow up anyway

people change their views as they mature. hell, i used to be a republican:) then i grew up!

[Az]

7. One of my heroes

Socrates, was killed because of this. Told by the oracle that he was the wisest man in all of Rome he set out to prove the oracle wrong. Yet each person he faced crumbled under his attention. Upshot was he made numerous enemies who eventually called for his arrest on corruption of youth charges. He was found guilty and made to drink Hemlock.

Which of course lead to his famous last words. "I drank what?"

[Az]

6. Tell her for me

That I am one guy that thinks smart girls are ... to use a popular phrase... hot.

Janene Garafola on looks alone is fine. But toss in her sharp critical mind and she becomes a beauty for me. A dull witted individual is boring. There is nothing to explore. No one to get to know. A sharp mind is exciting.

[Veggie Meathead]

10. Thanks.I will let her know.I also dug up a statement attributed to

Raquel Welch that the brain is the most erogenous zone in the body.I don't know how to say this to a 12 year old, though.

[porphyrian]

8. Yeah, if you're trying to hook up with stupid jocks...

In a sense, those girls are right. Stupid, popular, and/or jock-type boys probably are less inclined to go out with an academic girl (except maybe to get in her pants). However, there are plenty of awkward, unpopular, nice guys that most girls ignore who would probably kill to go out with her. Of course, I'm stereotyping, but in my experience, girls are usually attracted to the guys who are bad for them, and shun the nice guys. It just depends on how she defines her range of datable guys.

[cap]

9. tell her that she does not want these types of boys...

it is a good life lesson learned. Tell her the meaning of happiness.

She will want the boy who lifts her up; not the boy who puts her down.
The boy who lifts her up will not abuse her; the boy who puts her down will.

She wants a boy with the confidence to revel in her achievements; not the boy with the insecurity to diminish her achievements.

This society she is in does not reflect the larger world. In the larger world that she will enter as an adult, her achievements will be valued.

As my husband said: "I didn't get married to get domestic help. I can pay for that. I want a partner."

Try talking to the other girls' parents and ask them what they are telling their daughters about this.

[Guaranteed]

11. Good replies...

Just definitely don't let her start hating herself for her intelligence. Don't let her sell herself out for friends.

Integrity.