Bremer: Majority of Iraqis Still Alive

[WilliamPitt]

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4025

BAGHDAD—As the Coalition Provisional Authority prepares to hand power over to an Iraqi-led interim government on June 30, CPA administrator L. Paul Bremer publicly touted the success of Operation Iraqi Freedom.

"As the Coalition's rule draws to a close, the numbers show that we have an awful lot to be proud of," Bremer said Tuesday. "As anyone who's taken a minute and actually looked at the figures can tell you, the vast majority of Iraqis are still alive—as many as 99 percent. While 10,000 or so Iraqi civilians have been killed, pretty much everyone is not dead."

According to U.S. Department of Defense statistics, of the approximately 24 million Iraqis who were not killed, nearly all are not in a military prison. Bremer said "a good number" of those Iraqis who are in jail have been charged with a crime, and most of them have enjoyed a prison stay free of guard-dog attacks, low-watt electrocutions, and sexual humiliation.

...more...

[stevedeshazer]

1. Too close to the truth, as usual

The Onion nails it again.

[ninkasi]

2. That has to rate as one of the stupidest

things I've ever heard. It sounds like something Bush would say. They are all morons.

[WilliamPitt]

4. FYI

The Onion is a satire magazine.

[Philostopher]

3. What's really sad is ...

I got to the second paragraph before I checked your link and realized it was The Onion. Because as many have noted before me, this bunch of thieves and liars has made satire an iffy sport at best, when the truth is frequently more bizarre than fiction...

[ninkasi]

5. It sounds just so much like the things they say...

the Onion must have to really work hard at coming up with satire, when reality is so bizarre. I'll bet we're going to hear some kind of version of the same thing, though, only for real.

This administration has been a dream for comedians, hasn't it?

[LittleApple81]

6. Don't be surprised if this appears as an actual statement in the next few

days. Many things that appeared in the Onion was used, almost verbatim, by the administration later on. It is a sad state of affairs, isn't it?

[Melsky]

7. I'm glad it's an onion article

Though this administration amazes me with how many headlines they generate that sound like they should be in the Onion.

[wryter2000]

8. Lordy

I thought it was real.

[WilliamPitt]

9. .

[stevedeshazer]

10. kick

[opihimoimoi]

11. Well now, we lost 3000 people in the 9/11 attack. still have nearly 300

million. Does that mean we can just get on with life, get over it?

That Bremmer guy is Nuts, flawed logic to say the least and a poor choice of words at best. Auwe, get that Peter outta there.

[AliceWonderland]

12. As others have pointed out

I wasn't completely sure, from the title of the thread, if this was satire or not. That's how far we've fallen down the rabbit hole.