How much worse do things have to get before Jesus shows up?

[BlackRhino]

Just wondering.

[LearnedHand]

1. Ask Shrubya,

since he's got a direct hotline to god.

[ShaneGR]

20. Didn't you know Barbara Bush was a virgin when she had W???

Immacilite Exception.

[pa28]

2. The purpose of life . . .

has to do with God's observations of free-will. You won't like the answer to your question.

[jus_the_facts]

3. ....they're gonna 'BEAM' JC in with the Star Wars lasers......

...the military and NASA already have it all set up...a worldwide hologram to issue in the second coming. :eyes:


Many believe they have the capability...just Google...Project Blue Beam...there's a LOT of :tinfoilhat: about it...that'd really be fucked up if something like that was ever carried out! :scared:

[jus_the_facts]

7. Project Blue Beam....Jeebus coming to a sky above you....a link....

http://www.thewatcherfiles.com/bluebeam.htm

*snip*

The first step concerns the breakdown of all archeological
knowledge. It deals with the setup with artificially created earthquakes at certain precise locations on the planet where, supposedly, new discoveries will finally explain to all people the error of all fundamental religious doctrines. The falsification of this information will be used to make all nations believe that their religious doctrines have been misunderstood for centuries and misinterpreted. Psychological preparations for that first step have already been implemented with the film, "2001: A Space Oddessy;" the StarTrek series, and "Star Wars;" all of which deal with invasions from space and the coming together of all nations to repel the invaders. The last films, "Jurrassic Park," deals with the theories of evolution, and claim God's words are lies.

What is important to understand in the first step is that those earthquakes will hit at different parts of the world where scientific and archeological teachings have indicated that arcane mysteries have been buried. By those types of earthquakes, it will possible for scientists to re-discover those arcane mysteries which will be used to discredit all fundamental religious doctrines. This is the first preparation for the plan for humanity because what they want to do is destroy the beliefs of all Christians and Muslims on the planet. To do that, they need some false "proof" from the far past that will prove to all nations that their religions have all been misinterpreted and misunderstood.

The second step involves a gigantic "space show" with three-dimensional
optical holograms and sounds, laser projection of multiple holographic
images to different parts of the world, each receiving a different image according to predominating regional national religious faith. This new "god's" voice will be speaking in all languages. In order to understand that, we must study various secret services' research done in the last 25 years.

.....there's more....much much more :evilfrown:

[arcos]

4. The Rapture is coming soon...

I'm stockpiling water, food and duct tape.

[Booberdawg]

6. Don't forget the plastic wrap!

:eyes:

Not :eyes: at you, but the duct tape reminded me of that asinine instruction from Homeland Defense to go out and buy duct tape and plastic wrap and seal off a room. Jesus Mary and Joseph, I just couldn't believe it. And sheeple flocking to get it. Unbelievable.

[Bolo Boffin]

5. The huge locust-men in drag haven't been released yet.

When that happens, whoa, Nellie. Jesus is not too far behind.

[Rocinante]

8. Seriously

That stuff scares the hell out of me-literally. And any other way you want to phrase it. Chimp & Co. are a prelude to the ugly stuff unless we can depose them.

[Rex]

9. He's not coming back!!!!!

And as he gazed out upon the masses, "good God - they're all asses!"

"With their current attitudes and selfish acts, I will be lucky to arrive and not be attacked!"

"Screw their pre-emptive wars, and newspeak, media whores."

And with that he took a long vacation, to some far away planet for much needed meditation.

[arcos]

10. Yes he is... Ticketmaster is in charge of selling the tickets. n/t

[MiltonLeBerle]

15. I guess I'm destined for the show in hades then-

because I refuse to pay the service charge tacked on by ticketmaster.

[Paschall]

11. I know there are dozens (hundreds?) of sites out there...

...like this one. But I stumbled on this URL yesterday: Fulfillment of Bible Prophecy in Today’s News. Uh... enlightening. I guess. :shrug:

[Az]

17. For an alternate take

check out www.skepticsannotatedbible.com . It has a complete section devoted to failed prophecy. Its worth a look.

[LifeDuringWartime]

21. lol

im definitely not a religious person but thats quite funny

[Atlant]

12. Why/How would a Jewish radical from the first century...

Why/How would a Jewish political radical from the first
century come back? Isn't he kind of mouldered-away by
now? Aren't even his bones scattered as "relics" all
across the globe?

He'll come back like I'd come back.

Atlant

[MiltonLeBerle]

14. How could that be?

"...Aren't even his bones scattered as "relics" all
across the globe?

Ummmmm...didn't he take all his bones with him when he beamed up to the mothership?

while the catholic church has distributed skeletal parts of past and various saints to it's many worldwide branches- if they had jesus bones to do that with, wouldn't it put a big crimp in their resurrection fable?

[Az]

16. Um

We got no physical evidence of his existance. Bones would be nice.

[Az]

13. Soon

Of course he was coming back soon over 2000 years ago so I wouldn't go holding my breath. Of course there is at least on very very very old guy (Mel Brooks?) still waiting around because Jesus said he would return before all his apostles died(Matt 16:28). Must be getting angry by now. Its been a while.

[LeftHander]

18. How much worse do things have to get before Jesus throws up

eom

[alphafemale]

19. old Tshirt Line front - "Jesus is coming" back- "and boy is he pissed!"

Yup!

Temple of theives was just a warm-up.

Only hypocrites PO'ed the Prince of Peace.

I think he would clean a few houses and that there would be plenty of humbled, shocked "moral leaders" 2 weeks away from assassinating "him" all over again.

(As they did Joan of Arc, Martin and countless others.)

[Blue_Chill]

22. Do you want the view of a non-literal Catholic?

The way I see it Jesus isn't actually planning on paying us a visit. I think the time will come when the line between good and evil will be made clear. Jesus is a symbol of 'good' and I don't think the rapture means people will be literally taken to heaven so much as it means they will be called into action. Those people that represent what's right will become more aware of it.

The anti-christ (anti=good) will make peace on the planet. What have we learned about those that warp religions? War = peace....exactly.

The resulting war will kill off most of the planets human population and the side of evil shall be defeated. Then peace will reign for thousand years.

Nothing mystical about it. The bible is warning us to think about what side we choose carefully because we will be lied to (satan = deception).

[Az]

23. Believe those who are seeking the truth

doubt those who find it. -Andre Gide

This to me is the major difference between the various sides of this discussion. There are those that believe that someone somewhere in the world has the answers. Be it god, Jesus, or some wise person. Then there are those that believe that finding truth is a never ending process that we must persue with our own efforts aided by our fellow humans. It is the pursuit of truth that drives these people.

People want there to be an answer. They don't even have to know it themself. They simply want there to be one that someone somewhere knows. It is a desire for order and control of the world around us.

Such notions of ancients teaching us lessons split along these lines. There are those of us that look at such teachings and see learned wisdom. That their lessons are applicable is a testimony to human nature and our ability to grow in understanding.

Then there are those that desire these teachings to be definitive. Containing knowledge derived in a mysterious mystical manner. Absolute and total. 100% assured. Gnostic. This has been the single most driving element of human nature since the dawn of time. To know. To be able to turn to someone in absolute trust that what they say is true. To be able to know our path and destiny without having to live it. To live without doubt.

[Blue_Chill]

25. I agree and disagree

Seeking truth is the quest of every soul on this planet. But blurring the line to the point where 'there is no truth' is dangerous. This type of thinking leads to 'there is no right and wrong only opinions.'

When that type of thinking mixes in with the greed we now teach our children, we create a monster.

[Az]

26. True

There is truth. The problem is we do not KNOW it. We are seeking it. We can grow closer to it. Some credit must be paid to relativism with the understanding that we can develop a better sense of the truth. This is the failing of postmodernism. Postmodernism does not allow for improvement because it gives credit to one system over another.

Unfortunately the price of improvement is the loss of systems that though treasured by its followers may in fact be a negative path in ways. This is why there is dispute over which path is the right path. A means of finding the optimum path is needed rather than relying on someones insistance that their path is the right one.

Until such time as we can discern the patterns in our own tapistry we will have to rely on existing weaves to maintain the society. But holding to those patterns in opposition of the pursuit of truth is detrimental.

[ProfessorGAC]

24. He's Here Now. And He's Royally Pissed!

He lives across the street from my wife and i. Man, is he steamed over what's going on!

I keep asking him to zap Robertson, Falwell, Bush and his gang into a different galaxy, but he won't.

I understand; the whole peace and love, turn the other cheek, thing. He's gotta walk the talk.
The Professor