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Edited on Thu Jul-29-04 01:47 PM by Walt Starr
Rule 001 » Once you have their money, you never give it back. Rule 002 » The best deal is the one that brings the most profit. Rule 003 » Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to. Rule 004 » A woman voting is like a man in the kitchen. Rule 006 » Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. Rule 007 » Keep your ears open. Rule 008 » Small print leads to large risk. Rule 009 » Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. Rule 010 » Greed is eternal. Rule 011 » Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper. Rule 012 » Anything worth doing is worth doing for money. Rule 013 » Anything worth doing is worth doing twice. Rule 014 » Keep your family close, keep your Gold closer. Rule 016 » A deal is a deal. (until a better one comes along). Rule 017 » A contract is a contract is a contract - but only between Republicans. Rule 018 » A Republican without profit is no Republican at all. Rule 019 » Satisfaction is not guaranteed. Rule 020 » Only give money to people you know you can steal from. Rule 021 » Never place friendship before profit. Rule 022 » A wise man can hear profit in the wind. Rule 024 » Gold can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it. Rule 025 » There's always a way out. Rule 026 » As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer. Rule 027 » There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman. Rule 028 » Whisper your way to success. Rule 029 » What's in it for me? Rule 031 » Never make fun of a Republican's mother. (insult something he cares about, instead). Rule 033 » It never hurts to suck up to the boss. Rule 034 » War is good for business. Rule 035 » Peace is good for business. Rule 037 » If it's free, take it and worry about hidden costs later. Rule 039 » Friendship is temporary; profit is forever. Rule 040 » She can touch your lobes, but never your Gold. Rule 041 » Profit is its own reward. Rule 042 » What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too. Rule 044 » Never confuse wisdom with luck. Rule 045 » Ambition knows no family. Rule 046 » Make your shop easy to find. Rule 047 » Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own. Rule 048 » The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. Rule 049 » Everything is worth something to somebody. Rule 050 » Gratitude can bring on generosity. Rule 051 » Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so. Rule 052 » Never ask when you can take. Rule 057 » Good customers are as rare as Gold, Treasure them. Rule 058 » There is no substitute for success. Rule 059 » Free advice is seldom cheap. Rule 060 » Keep your lies consistent. Rule 062 » The riskier the road, the greater the profit. Rule 065 » Win or lose, there's always weapons sales. Rule 068 » Ego stroking will get you anything. Rule 069 » Republicans are not responsible for the stupidity of other persons. Rule 072 » Never trust your customers. Rule 073 » If it gets you profit, sell your own mother. Rule 075 » Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Gold. Rule 076 » Every once in a while, declare peace. "It confuses the hell out of your enemies". Rule 077 » It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit. Rule 078 » When the going gets tough, the tough change the Rules. Rule 079 » Beware of the Democratic greed for knowledge. Rule 082 » The flimsier the product, the higher the price. Rule 084 » A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount. Rule 085 » Never let the competition know what you're thinking. Rule 087 » A friend in need means three times the profit. Rule 089 » Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits. Rule 092 » There are many paths to profit. Rule 093 » Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly. Rule 094 » Females and finances don't mix. Rule 095 » Expand or die. Rule 096 » For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule, (except when there's not). Rule 097 » Enough... is never enough. Rule 098 » Every man has his price. Rule 099 » Trust is the biggest liability of all. Rule 100 » If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much. Rule 101 » The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it. Rule 102 » Nature decays, but Gold lasts forever. Rule 103 » Sleep can interfere with... Rule 104 » Faith moves mountains... (of inventory). Rule 105 » Don't trust anyone who trusts you. Rule 106 » There is no honor in poverty. Rule 107 » A warranty is valid only if they can find you. Rule 109 » Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack. Rule 111 » Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them . Rule 112 » Never have sex with the boss' sister. Rule 113 » Always have sex with the boss. Rule 115 » The best contract always has a lot of fine print. Rule 116 » There's always a catch. Rule 117 » Everything is for sale, including friendship. Rule 119 » Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet, (...sometimes, good things come in small packages). Rule 121 » Everything is for sale, including friendship. Rule 123 » Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Gold. Rule 125 » You can't make a deal if you're dead. Rule 126 » Count it. Rule 127 » Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides. Rule 135 » Never trust a beneficiary. Rule 139 » Wives serve, brothers inherit. Rule 141 » Only fools pay retail. Rule 142 » There's no such thing as an unfair advantage. Rule 143 » Risk is part of the game... play it for all it's worth. Rule 144 » There's nothing wrong with charity...as long as it winds up in your pocket. Rule 146 » Necessity, n. The mother of invention. Profit is the father. Rule 152 » A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know. Rule 153 » Sell the sizzle, not the steak. Rule 162 » Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit. Rule 169 » Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive. Rule 171 » Blood is thicker than water, and Gold is thicker than both. Rule 172 » Chances aren't what they used to be. Rule 177 » Know your enemies... but do business with them always. Rule 181 » Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit. Rule 188 » A fool and his money is the best customer. Rule 189 » Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money. Rule 190 » Hear all, trust nothing. Rule 191 » A Republican waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves. Rule 192 » Never cheat a European... unless you're sure you can get away with it. Rule 194 » It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door. Rule 200 » If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable. Rule 202 » The justification of profit is profit. Rule 203 » New customers are like lobsters... They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back! Rule 204 » It takes a Republican to cheat a Republican. Rule 208 » Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer. Rule 211 » Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success... don't hesitate to step on them. Rule 214 » Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach. Rule 216 » Never gamble with an empath. Rule 217 » You can't free a fish from water. Rule 218 » Always know what you're buying Rule 219 » Possession is 11/10 of the law. Rule 223 » Beware the man who doesn't make time for vices. Rule 229 » Gold lasts longer than lust. Rule 231 » There's a sucker born every minute; be sure you're the first to find each one. Rule 236 » You can't buy fate. Rule 239 » Never be afraid to mislabel a product. Rule 241 » Never trust a hardworking employee. Rule 242 » More is good... all is better. Rule 253 » Alcohol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse. Rule 255 » A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity. Rule 256 » Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score. Rule 260 » Life's not fair. How else would you turn a profit? Rule 261 » A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience. Rule 262 » A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. Rule 263 » Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Gold. Rule 265 » The customer is always right, (...until you get their cash). Rule 266 » When in doubt, lie. Rule 267 » If you believe it, they believe it. Rule 270 » In business deals, a gun can be almost as important as a calculator. Rule 277 » Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from. Rule 284 » Deep down, everyone's a Republican. Rule 285 » No good deed ever goes unpunished. The Unwritten Rule » When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up!
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