I got a letter from the White House today. Need help with response.

[dofus]

Here's the story. I wrote a letter back in March, begging Bush not to go to war. Okay, so I knew it was futile, but it made me feel much better to do so. Here's the text of my letter:

Dear Mr. President: (I didn't want to say it, but I was advised I should be very respectful)
It’s not too late.
You can keep this terrible war from happening. You can prevent the deaths of thousands, perhaps millions of innocent people.
Half of the population of Iraq is children under the age of 14, and they have already suffered terribly from the first Gulf War, and the economic sanctions imposed on the country. If another war is started, many of them will die or be crippled for life. Waging war on children is not what Jesus would do.
The world looks to the United States to behave in a moral and good manner. Waging preemptive war is not moral, nor is it good. It is terrorism, pure and simple. If we become terrorists – and we will if we wage this war – we will lose forever the moral high ground. We will no longer be able to say to the rest of the world, “Look to us for the right thing to do.
Jesus was a man of peace. You can be too.
Sincerely
(my signature)

And here's what I got back:

Dear Ms xxxxx:
Thank you for your letter about Operation Iraqi Freedom. In Iraq, we sought to remove a threat to our security and to free the Iraqi people from oppression. Saddam Hussein's regime has ended and the Iraqi people are regaining control of their own country and future. Pockets of resistance still remain. American coalition forces are helping to restore civil order, and providing critical humanitarian aid to the Iraqi people. Iraqis are already meeting openly and freely to discuss the future of their country.
Coalition forces have made every effort to spare innocent civilians from harm and continue to do so. We respect the Iraqi people, its rich culture, and religious faiths. We will continue to bring food, water, medicine, and other aid to Iraq, and we will help to build a government of, by, and for the Iraqi people.
Our war on terrorism continues. We look to our Nation's Armed Forces, with the support of our coalitiion partners, to help advance peace in a troubled world. By answering the call of duty, these brave men and women serve as examples of courage, dedication, and sacrifice. Laura and I join our military families and countless others in praying that all who serve return home safely and soon.
Thank you again for writing. Best wishes.
Sincerely,
George W Bush.


Okay, so how do I reply? I want to keep it short, and to the point. I'm very tempted to send this:

Dear Governor Bush.
I do not support your policies. I don't even like you. Please leave.
A citizen of the United States.
P.S. I counted the states we started with, so don't try anything funny.


But that would probably get me a little visit from our friends in the Secret Service, which would make my life a little more interesting than I want it to be.

I know I want to keep it fairly short, but to hammer on one or two points, and make it crystal clear he was absolutely wrong to start the Iraq war. I'm open to suggestions.

[SnohoDem]

1. LOVE the P.S. n/t

n/t

[ET Awful]

2. That may be the BEST PS I've ever read :)

"P.S. I counted the states we started with, so don't try anything funny."

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[never cry wolf]

5. Ditto

LOL at the PS!!

[ComerPerro]

3. Come on, send that one

I like it.

Might want to sarcasticly thank him for his cookie-cutter response.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

4. Ask him why he hasn't acknowledged the war dead?

and those that are coming home without limbs?

[gristy]

6. looks good!

Dear Governor Bush.
I do not support your policies. I don't even like you. Please leave.
A citizen of the United States.
P.S. I counted the states we started with, so don't try anything funny.


That is really great. Make the "P.S." lower case. Also, you do need to set this in context, so maybe include your original letter and their response. But your short final note has to be prominent on the first page.

The feds won't bother you, IMO. * gets nasty stuff mailed to him at the WH all the time, I imagine.

[F.Gordon]

7. The fact that they have a form letter........

Would suggest that your letter was not so uncommon. I like how they threw in..."Our war on Terrorism continues."

A reply? What you wrote sounds good. Just write it with crayons. Maybe then Bush* will read it.

[nannygoat]

18. Maybe add some pictures, too? n/t

[dofus]

8. I might send

the Dear Governor Bush thing under an entirely fake name and from a different address. A friend of mine, who ought to be here on DU but keeps on losing his password because he forgets to write it down, sent it to me. He hates Bush & Cabal with a passion that would stand out on this board. Wish he'd show up.

Anyway, any more suggestions out there?

[gristy]

14. A suggestion

Anyway, any more suggestions out there?

Yeah, have your friend tell you his DU password. Then you write it down. :)

[otohara]

9. Thank Them For Form Letter

it did not change your mind.

[rock]

10. You could use the old form letter joke

Dear President Bush_____________________, It was indeed a pleasure to hear from you. How are you and your (x) wife, () significant other, () husband, Pickles______________ doing? You can be assured I support you and appreciate the personal reply to my earlier letter.

Oh well, you get the picture.

[dofus]

11. LOVE the form letter reply.

I could send a series of letters over time.

I know better than to expect any kind of truly personal reply from any public figure, but sometimes it's just breathtaking the way they pretend you wrote to support something you wrote to make it clear you didn't support.

[ewagner]

12. LOL

I really like that approach.

[Capt_Nemo]

13. You can reply:

- You sure keep believing your own propaganda. No wonder things are going from bad to worse in Iraq.

- What was the threat, the Uranium from Niger, the balsa drones?

- The Iraqi people were under opression from Saddam. Yes, that same
guy that was Rummsfeld best buddy circa 1983, right?

- Of course "pockets of resistance still remain". That was the Red
Army's mantra in Afghanistan back in 1980. Their "victory" was even
more spectacular, for it took them only about a week to take over the
whole country.

- The war has not ended. What ended was the conquest phase, where the
US succeded (just like the Soviets in Afghanistan). Now comes the
occupation phase, nobody can be sure that the US won't fail like
the Soviets did in Afghanistan, specialy because things are already
pretty messed up in Iraq.

- You indulged in aggression. Aggression is a war crime. Thousands
of innocent civillians got killed in the process. If you
don't get the deserved trial for such crimes, I'm sure someone who
claims to be as religious as you will realize that the scores will be settled in that inevitable day you arrive in Hell.

[dofus]

15. Maybe a sentence by sentence

critique of their letter would work. I could photocopy it, make notes, and then include my letter.

Somewhere else on DU someone posted seeing a sign somewhere that said "I hope I live to see the day George W Bush hanged in Nuremburg". I'd love to put that on my car, but I clearly understand why that would probably result in some unwanted attention from various authorities.

[wryter2000]

16. Hmmm...

The whole thing is probably a waste of your time. I'm not even sure a drone will read it. Just be sure you don't say anything that can be construed as a threat.

FYI, I also wrote to the Whistle Ass and asked him not to invade Iraq. I got an e-mail some time later asking me to boycott French products. I wrote back just to make myself feel good and said something like, "I never expected to get anything so petulant or frankly juvenile from the President of the United States" and told him I'd just added French Bordeaux wine to my shopping list.

[wryter2000]

17. Or...

How about "I just love what you've done with Iraq. Who's your decorator?"

[dofus]

21. Ooooohhh, that's good.

And I bet the drone that reads it won't even begin to get the joke!

[Japhy_Ryder]

19. Reply with the exact opposite of what you believe

Like:

Dear President Bush:

Thank you so much for your thoughtful, personalized reply. I greatly appreciate everything that you have done for our country. You are a respectable person, whom I have a tremendous amount of respect for. God Bless you and America.

Best,
Patriotic Citizen

p.s.-Maybe if you ever find yourself in my town, Y'all can come over for some barbeque and horseshoes!

[cherryperry]

20. I love the form letter approach,

but I wish you could also incorporate something like

Dear __________________:

Thank you for __________________________.

As a patriotic citizen of the United States of America, I will be supporting _________________ for the Presidency in 20__.

Please be aware that our current president was selected and we cannot let that happen again. We must have elections decided by the populace rather than selections by the Supreme Court.

Best wishes,


George Herbert Walker and Barbara Bush


(well, okay, maybe not the signature line, but you get the idea...)


:yourock:

[dofus]

22. Another good one!

We could put together a book of these, sort of like the Lazlo Toth letters. Anyone remember him? Don Novello, a comedian who played Father Guido Sarducci on Saturday Night Live back in the 70's, would write letters to corporations and public officials in the persona of Lazlo Toth (named after Laszlo Toth -- different spelling -- the man who hammered the Pieta some time back). As Toth, Novello would make suggestions for ad campaigns, or write a suck-up letter to a public official. They are totally hilarious, and it's obvious most of the recipients (or at least the unfortunate secretaries who read them) had not a clue that the letter was satire.

Collectively we could put together an amazing "Dear W" book.

[devarsi]

23. Awesome

that idea deserves its own thread, please do it :-)

[zbdent]

24. Odds are you'll get yet the same form letter in response to this one

n'est-ce pas?