Inaugural Speech, January 20, 2005.

[CoffeeAnnan]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I ,George Bush, by virtue of the overwhelming mandate I have received on November 2, 2004, hereby declare that the Republic formed in 1776 by a number of disgruntled revolutionaries is no longer operative and the socalled Declaration of Independence is dead.As you are all aware, my family,the Bushes, are descended from the Tudors or the Stuarts of England, I forget which.You know there is so much inbreeding among the Royals it is sometimes hard to keep track of all the comings and goings (wink, wink).Regardless, as a descendant of that glorious lineage, I have come to avenge the dishonor heaped upon my royal namesake George III by the aforementioned disgruntled revolutionaries.On this fine January morning, I declare that henceforth I shall be addressed as His Majesty George IV.The entire United States shall be my realm and my word shall be the law of the land.I have been anointed God's chosen one to lead this country out of darkness unto light.It certainly is a new beginning for me and those who follow me.Others can go to you know what.


Immediately after this ceremony, I will proclaim the following:

1.No one can purchase or hold a copy of the U.S.Constitution.It is not operative any more and is a subversive document in the new regime.
2.There will be no more elections.Only the Bush Royal Family has the privilege of ruling this land. I will also proclaim, when the time comes, if Princess Jenna or Barbara will inherit the throne from me.
It will, following Bush family tradition, be decided by who wins the bump and grind dancing contest with a Latin Romeo at the latest trendy bar in New york.
3.Because I am the law of the land, I say affirmative action is dead. While it was in force, it helped me get into Harvard and Yale and got Condi the job of Provost at Stanford.It has served its purpose.It is time to end it.My rule is: why give people who are born to serve their masters false hope?
4.Abortion will also become illegal as of today.It too has helped me out of a few scrapes when I got tangled with teenage girls.I no longer need it.So why bother with it?
5.My tax policy goes one better than Ronald Reagan.I not merely want to give tax cuts for the wealthy, I want to abolish taxes on the wealthy altogether.If small tax cuts can increase tax revenues for the Treasury, imagine what eliminating taxes altogether will do.Of course, if the revenues don't meet our expectations, I will increase taxes on the middle class and the lower middle class.They are used to those things.The wealthy people are allergic to taxes.We don't want a portion of our population suffering from health problems, you see.
6.There will no longer be any social Security, Medicare or Medicaid.
People who want prescription drugs can go to any drug store and buy those drugs at market prices.We are, after all, a market economy, you see. Why change a good thing, is my motto.

7.I will also abolish any requirement for competitive bidding for Halliburton, Bechtel and other defense contractors.They are performing
a vital national service and we will be ungrateful if we insist on trivial procedures that cause them distress. We will also abolish any requirement for truthful financial reporting on the part of Halliburton.

8.I have decided that Iraq's oil now belongs to my regime and the U.N.
has no say over such a decision.My regime has also decided, on the advice of Alberto Gonzalez, that the U.N.Charter and the Geneva Convention are "quaint documents" and are no longer operative.We will do what we please.You got that, Kofi?

[jmowreader]

1. The Secret Service would shoot him in front of God and everybody

if he pulled a damn fool stunt like that. And then they'd shoot Unka Dick because, if anything, he's worse. And more to the point, Bush knows they would.

He might act like King George the Fourth, but he'll never admit it because all of the freepers think God is King and Bush anointing himself King would just piss them off--and would earn him a bullet in his empty head.

[Somawas]

2. Sounds about right

Where'd you get the advance copy? I bet Rove leaked it, just like he outed Valerie Plame.

[jdots]

3. you forgot about the A.C.L.U. getting firebombed.

The U.N. and A.C.L.U. are anti royalty.The Fundies will join the CHURCH OF CRAWFORD ,soon all card holding United States of Greed-co serfs will have to be members.The entire print and electronic media will be owned by Murdock & Bomb co industries.Everthing on earth will be made by slave labor in China and whatever comes into his demented tiny brain will be law. Far fetched ? i hope it is.