Is this a joke? I'm not accustomed to reading The Onion, and this is SO

[patricia92243]

bad that I think maybe it is a joke and I don't realize it:

The article (Sorry, I don't know how to post a link) says Bush is going to allow people to bet part of their Social Security on different sports teams. It even gos into how it would be handled, etc.

Somebody assure me this is tongue-in-cheek. It is too horrible to be true - even for Bush.

[Goldmund]

1. I don't get it -- is it from The Onion?

[NYCGirl]

2. Yes, it is a joke. Link here:

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4048&n=1

[mcscajun]

3. Everything in The Onion is a joke...rest easy.

Some are just mild distortions of facts...some are WAY, WAY over the top...like the one you read. :)

[RaleighNCDUer]

21. So you think this is over the top? Sounds like a Bushplan to me.

[Pacifist Patriot]

4. Everything in the Onion is satire.

In other words, so true it's false. ;)

[Unstuck In Time]

20. That's a GREAT definition of satire!

:toast:

[Kid_A]

25. Yep. The Onion is the best satire I've ever seen anywhere.

I showed someone the article about a Catholic Cardinal who visits horribly over-populated regions of South America to talk about the evils of birth control, and they completely bought it.

Mmmmmmmm, that's good satire!

[nostamj]

5. just a satirical riff on *'s SS privatization plans.... relax!

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4048&n=1

WASHINGTON, DC—President Bush signed an ambitious Social Security plan into law Monday that will allow citizens to bet a third of their payroll taxes on their favorite sports teams.

"It's time we gave the American people the chance to make some real money for retirement," Bush said, speaking from the new Office of Social Security and Pari-mutuel Wagering Building. "Some naysayers think the average citizen doesn't know how to handle his own money. When spring training starts next year, it's up to you to prove them wrong."

"It's your money," Bush added. "You earned it. You should be able to bet it on whatever team you want."

[NoPasaran]

6. The Onion is all satire

Unlike the Weekly World News which reports only the truest facts

[Worst Username Ever]

7. To post a link

you just copy and paste the URL.

[NoSheep]

8. a URL is what appears in your browser's address bar

[Worst Username Ever]

13. yep

[NoSheep]

9. a browser is the interface through which you view the web

[Worst Username Ever]

14. yep

[NoSheep]

10. the web is the only reason i get up in the morning

[Worst Username Ever]

15. yep

[Worst Username Ever]

16. That place where you type "www.democraticunderground.com"

You copy (righ click, "copy") and paste (right click, "paste") whatever appears in that box and paste it in your post.

[Make7]

22. Don't feel so bad.

One time the press in China started reporting an Onion story as a factual article.

:) Make7

[Make7]

23. Whoops! Meant to reply to original post. n/t

[patricia92243]

12. URL??? I am totally computer illeterate. I can barely get into DU :)

[patricia92243]

11. Thanks everybody! I was about to have hysterics on that one. I'll read

The Onion more now that I understand what it is all about.

Whew!!

[Liberaltarian]

17. NOT so far from the truth, possibly... Check THIS out-

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban wants to start a mutual fund that would make money by having it's assets wagered by professional gamblers in Vegas...if it becomes reality, and the SS privatization becomes reality, and if it's an allowable mutual fund in the SS scheme, then the Onion story isn't all that satirical...unfortunately.

http://www.usatoday.com/sports/basketball/nba/mavericks/2004-12-01-cuban-hedge-fund_x.htm

Cuban eager to bet on starting maverick fund
By Michael Hiestand, USA TODAY
Bet that the NBA won't be thrilled.

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban wants to start an investment fund that makes money by gambling — maybe even betting on sports. The idea would be to "prove that traditional gambling, via a fund, is less of a gamble than investing in the stock market," Cuban said Tuesday by e-mail.

Sports leagues are skittish about ties to gambling. But Cuban, who has been fined more than $1 million by the NBA for antics unrelated to gambling, doesn't feel constrained. "I don't run my business life based on what the NBA might say, think or do." The NBA already has owners who own casinos, as well as a WNBA team that plays inside a Connecticut casino. NBA spokesman Mike Bass said the NBA learned of Cuban's plan Tuesday and was "in the process of reviewing it."

Cuban, whom Forbes ranks as the world's 437th-richest person and worth $1.3 billion, argues that "gambling environments are better regulated and fairer than (stock) markets." Cuban said he'll create a hedge fund next year where investors' funds are literally gambled on legal bets — he's "not sure" it would include sports bets.

Securities and Exchange Commission spokesman John Heine wouldn't speculate Tuesday on the legality of such a fund, saying the agency "can't comment on specific situations." But while hedge funds are subject to less regulation than other pooled investments such as mutual funds, Cuban said he expects "lots of regulatory issues to deal with."

more at link

[patricia92243]

18. Test - trying to provide link for first time - may not work :(

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4048&n=1&ref=myy


It does work - yippee - thanks everyone.

[sam sarrha]

19. they are going to let gambling addicts [stockbrokers] gamble it for you

[Gothmog]

24. Texas Supreme Court quoted Onion is case on satire

The Texas Supreme Court quoted the onion in a case dealing with satire. See http://www.supreme.courts.state.tx.us/historical/2004/sep/030019.htm Here is the footnote:
For example, earlier this year, the Beijing Evening News, in a story written by Huang Ke, reported that Congress was threatening to bolt Washington, D.C. unless it got a new, modern Capitol building, complete with retractable roof. Daniel Terdiman, Onion Taken Seriously, Film at 11, Wired, April 14, 2004, at http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,63048,00.html (last visited Sept. 1, 2004 and available in Clerk of Court=s file). Unfortunately, Ke's source for this information was The Onion, the satirical publication that bills itself as America's Finest News Source. Id. The Evening News later apologized but blamed The Onion, writing that some small American newspapers frequently fabricate offbeat news to trick people into noticing them with the aim of making money. Id. (quoting Beijing Evening News). According to Carol Kolb, Onion editor, People every single day think The Onion stories are real. Id. One piece, called Al-Qaida Allegedly Engaging in Telemarketing, prompted the Branch County, Michigan sheriff=s department to issue an urgent press release warning of the purported practice. Id. In a similar vein, an article entitled Chinese Woman Gives Birth to Septuplets: Has One Week to Choose provoked prayer vigils on behalf of the six babies who would be rejected. Id. Additionally, Deborah Norville reported on MSNBC that more than half of all exercise done in the United States happens in TV infomercials for workout machines, a statistic obtained from an Onion article. Id.

[priller]

26. The genius of The Onion is ...

they skirt so close to the edge of what could possibly happen. And sometimes it's kind of hard to tell if it's true or not.

And then some of things they do, meant as jokes, are eerily prophetic. Right after Bush was elected in 2000, they ran a speech where he said, "Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over." If only we had known how true that was.

[NoSheep]

27. The first time I read The Onion, it was a story about two kids who

called their stepmother "Not the Mommie". I swear I thought it was real and that the Onion was a real rag for publishing such a Jerry Springer show type story!!!:+

[ellie]

28. The Onion is great!

An example from one of their books, "Our Dumb History" regarding the Titanic: "World's Largest Metaphor Hits Ice-Berg."

I laughed for days over that one.

This one is a good one: "United States Leads World In Industry: 'Thanks Orphans!' Grateful Americans Say"

And this one:

"FDR, Stalin, Churchill Meet For Mutton Luncheon, Nap"

Or
"War Over! 50 Years Of Nuclear Paranoia Begin Today"

[funkybutt]

29. This is so funny!

just the thought of someone reading the onion and not knowing that it's not real news really cracks me up!