I was part of a group of American HS students touring through Europe on an old-time (1950s era) exchange program to promote a better world. We were called "student ambassadors" and our program's slogan was "Peace through Understanding." (check out the Eisenhower-conceived program here:
http://www.studentambassadors.org/ ...still goin' strong after five decades.)
Anyway, the year was 1980, and our trip to see the Olympics in the USSR was rerouted because of Afghanistan. Instead we went to Poland.
Tonight I don't have the energy to relate just how profound this visit to a nation behind the Iron Curtain was for me--and how it's effects on the way I see politics are marked, even now.
Anyway, at one point in our trip, we visited the area that had been the Warsaw Ghetto. I remember it like it happened yesterday. It was an open field. Our communist guide (minder) informed us that since the end of the war, nothing had been built on the site in honor of the dead and as a way of reminding everyone of the hoorors of the Holocaust. (I wonder if this is still the case). Our group walked around the field, more or less in a loose clump, for several minutes.
It was a gray day--like every building, road, face, and blade of grass in Poland--Gray. The air was still. And yet a familiar smell came to my nostrils--the smell of meat. I don't mean the smell of a steak you just picked up at the Safeway, either. I mean the smell of fresh kills.
I grew up on a small farm, and my Dad supplemented his niggardly disability pension by raising and selling meat--beef, pork, chicken. I had taken part in the deaths of hundreds or maybe thousands of animals, and I knew the smell---
It was the smell of slaughter: of skinning, of evisceration, of bleeding, of cutting. The smell of fresh kills--you cannot mistake it if you know it--
I smelled it there for about five minutes. I looked around, terribly confused. No one else in our group of thirty seemed to notice what to me was completely overwhelming. Nobody.
I didn't say a word--but I was freaking out. A minute later, another kid in our group--a bible-thumping Catholic named Jerry--walked over to me, looking almost as confused.
"Do you smell that?" he asked with saucer-shaped eyes. I only nodded, because NOBODY else was saying a word about it. We stared at each other, wide-eyed, for what seemed like an hour (only a minute) and walked away from the field.
I never spoke of it again, until now. I wonder where Jerry is. I wonder if he has the same haunting memory twenty-five years later.
We were in Krakow two days after this event, and our whole group snuck out of sight of our minders and went to Auschwitz, against the wishes of the Communist government. We spent several hours there, and I cried like a baby when nobody was looking.
I'm crying now, also.
I cry a lot over such matters, but I'm beginning to forget why, and for whom.
Maybe for me?
That'll be all for now
Kurt